OP, DH also spends lots of time on the road. The timing of such trips is not always his to control. I’m one of those ISFJ nurturers, much to my detriment at times, and that applies to him as well as the kids. The reality is that DH could not have accomplished what he has without me to juggle all the other balls at home (and whether or not I was also working).
A woman who was a VP at the major consulting firm gave me advice back in the late 80s (I was in my 20s, pre-kids) that stuck with me. She said that it was easier to work FT when the kids were small and their needs were more defined, so one person/day care could handle most things. It’s once they get into school that it’s harder to work FT because the kids’ interests, challenges, academics and activities expand. She was SOOOO right, IME. I found part time career-related work the hardest to juggle, but the most personally satisfying.
It is hard to keep up with working and dealing with the “Aspergers entourage” that comes along until you figure out what works. However, I think you should do B. It is important for you to keep up for yourself…for many reasons.
When my Aspie was 5, I got divorced. I was glad I had never stepped back. I didn’t get to lean in until he was 15, but at least I had that option and was not left behind work wise. Which comes in handy when paying for he and his brother to go to college.
You have good help and family. Don’t lose “you” bc you think the kids need more of you. They end up getting more, but it is someone else!!! Plus boys benefit from seeing mommy go off to her big high powered job too!!
It’s rough, but you’ll make it. It will get easier (then harder, then easier, then harder…lol!). So just stay the course and take it day by day!!
I’ve given H a honey do list. Host one playdate per boy this spring. Teach each boy (1:1) to: throw/catch/hit a baseball, frisbee, football, volleyball. Consult with S1’s OT therapist for how to adapt (e.g. blow up a balloon for a volleyball proxy, use a tee to hit a ball, and use a tennis ball).