<p>Yes, ucsd, and even if you don’t meet your spouse in college, someone may meet their spouse through college friends years down the road. That’s what happenned to me and others I’ve known.</p>
<p>While I’m not in favor of teen marriages (too many divorces), I have known many people who found “mr or mrs right” while in their late teens or early 20’s, married right after college and are still happily married 25 years later. </p>
<p>Conversely, I have known people who “tried on” a large number of partners throughout their single years, took on a lot of “baggage” from all the breakups and heartbreaks, finally chose mates (who also had their own baggage) after thinking that they “had” to get married because of their “advancing” ages & bio clocks, and have struggled with their marriages or have divorced.</p>
<p>I don’t know if there is an “ideal age”, I just think people have to seriously know what they want (and what they don’t want) and they shouldn’t waste time with people who don’t make the grade. </p>
<p>I think trusted friends and family members can help a person “sort” out his/her “wish list” & “cut bait list”. </p>
<p>I remember something else that I had on my “wish list” and “cut bait list”: I wanted an H who was professionally employed, but not a “workaholic,” and someone who would not have to work on holidays. This may sound silly but I’ve known women who grew up with dads who were home on weekends and holidays who then become very angry after they married men whose careers require working on those days. I guess a lot of what we “like” is what we are “used to” and think is “normal”.</p>
<p>I don’t know about the holiday thing, Jlauer, because jobs and situations change. When H and I were newlyweds and young parents, H worked/travelled alot of weekends and did work one Xmas when our son was a toddler. It was a drag, but I can’t imagine not marrying him because of that, especially in that now he’s in a new job and only travels tues-thurs maybe every other week. I guess it is a “used to” factor, because my father travelled every 6 weeks for 2 weeks at a time. H is also a workaholic but I never knew any guys in NYC where I was living who weren’t. Just to survive people had to work 60 hour weeks. Not sure if its still like that, hope not!</p>
<p>“Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore?”
No. Not really.<br>
I didn’t, my husband didn’t and neither has our son.<br>
I don’t see this as a bad thing at all.</p>
<p>My two (or ten) cents:</p>
<p>I went to college close to home. After doing that, I really felt like I needed to go to grad school far from home. Obviously, I did not marry anyone I met in college. It probably would have been better (from that perspective) if I had done college far away, then returned to my home state for grad school. No such luck, as I’m afflicted with wonderlust now. ;)</p>
<p>One of my friends went to law school a few hours from home. He married a young lady who is from an area about 1,000 miles away from there. Wedding was at her hometown. He’ll probably follow her job. No guarantees.</p>
<p>I honestly think that, if you want your kids to settle near you, the best thing you can do is live in a low cost-of-living area with good schools, a lot of job opportunities in their chosen field, and affordable housing. That is what my friends are all considering when they are deciding where to settle.</p>
<p>ariesthena:</p>
<p>
It’s a nice concept and some people can manage it but generally speaking, there’s a catch-22 principle here - a place with lots of great job opportunities and affordable housing attracts a lot of people which drives up the cost of housing and makes the place less attractive. This happens time and time again. The places with the greatest job opportunities for many fields tends to be in the places with the most expensive housing. There’s always tele-commuting though.</p>
<p>I’m so glad someone brought this up, as I talked with my husband about this extensively during our daughter’s senior year in HS. She is now a freshman at a university about an hour and a half from home and I am thrilled she chose to stay relatively close! I have to admit that it occurred to me that a serious relationship begun in college could land her across the country. And as many have pointed out, having her at a nearby university doesn’t guarantee her settling near us after graduation. BUT my own life experience has made me think about this issue many times. I grew up in Texas, attended the University of Texas, and then decided to try graduate school here in California ( Bay Area). There I met my husband, now my husband of 24 years, and since his job was in the Bay Area, we settled here. Our daughter was born 6 yrs. after we married. My entire family…parents, sister/brother in law, nieces/their spouses and children still reside in Texas. We have made an enormous effort to get back for many visits over the years. But is involves far more than the plane fare. As someone pointed out, CA. is a notoriously expensive state in which to reside and my husband and I have both had to work ( I went back to work when our DD was 3 y/o). So visits home entailed both of us taking time off and using sick or vacation time to do it. If you factor that in, many of our 5 day visits to see family have cost us thousands of dollars. I was always close to my family and always tried for us to get back to spend Christmas…we did this for about 14 years. But it involved a huge amount of work, especially when our daughter was little, bringing all of her Santa Claus presents so she could have then under her grandparents tree on Christmas morning. Then we would have to schlep those same presents home again! One memorable Christmas she got a large doll house with all the accessories and we had to ship everything back! Then there were the visits where one or all 3 of us would end up sick and have to fly back feeling ill. One year, my daughter developed croup while we were visiting in Texas and I stayed behind to take care of her ( she was too sick to travel) while my husband was forced to return to work on time. The bottom line is that even though we have made a more concerted effort than most long-distance adult children to stay connected with my family, it has involved a tremendous amount of work and money to do so. I don’t really believe my family members truly understand what it has taken on our part. And there were times when the effort just didn’t seem worth it to be honest, although I have lamented a thousand times that we are not closer to my home state…for example when our daughter was a baby and my husband was working very long hours to make ends meet and I had no family members nearby. It may sound selfish but I sincerely hope my daughter’s college /life experience points her in the direction of staying semi-near to us. The alternative is more complicated than many people realize.</p>
<p>It’s also good to remember that family visits can be in both directions. TheMom is from the Midwest (St. Louis) and we’ve had many of her siblings and some of the cousins visit over the years. They work at it…and do things like have a family reunion every 5-7 years, show up for each other’s weddings, etc. Plus phone calls, e-cards & photos, etc. I’d say that people feel pretty connected. </p>
<p>I’d be disappointed in my D if she passed on a potential spouse or job just to stay near us.</p>
<p>One of my best friends knew she’d probably end up living far from home because her major (research physics) had mostly job opportunities in NM & CA rather than HI. She & her hubby have made strong roots in NM, but often visit HI & have HI friends visit them (we’ve visited them in NM & HI & also met them in Denver). It is a challenge to remain close, but they are happy they have made the choices they have.</p>