<p>I know I’m not a parent, but I felt I really had to post in here as I have been touched personally by some recent tragedies at my high school, I am mostly wondering if I am alone or if other high schools across the country are experiencing similar tragedies? Within the last four months, four students from my school have all died from accidents related to overconsumption of alcohol and a fifth student is in critical condition. One of the students died from alcohol poisoning, and the other three from drinking while driving. I knew some of these students, as I am also a student at this particular school. After the first death, I was just sad. I told myself that a lot of teens drink and occasionally overdo it, this particular person had been a good guy, but his life was cut short by a stupid decision. However, when I recited the news to my brothers, I can still hear their words “his parents always let him have drinking parties.” This did not strike me at first, because this is not all that uncommon at my school. Although my mom would not be comfortable with this, I know a few parents at my school who are. But, with each following death, it seems this has become the response. I am left to wonder, do parents play a part in this? Certainly, no one party should be blamed for life’s sharp turns, but I can’t help but think that parents can prevent these sorts of accidents. I live in a primarily middle to upper-class district, and there is no reason why the parents of students at my school shouldn’t be educated enough to know that condoning or even turning a blind eye to teenage drinking is a crime. I admit I became angry when my brother delivered the tragic news to me six days ago that a student in the grade below me had been driving drunk and lost control of his vehicle and swerved into a telephone pole, dying almost instantly. He was 16. Well, I think I’ve said enough.</p>
<p>I don’t have any sympathy for people who kill themselves while driving drunk.</p>
<p>what did the school do? the parents? the police</p>
<p>did people know these kids were drivng drunk? did the “friends” feel any remorse for not doing enough to stop them>?</p>
<p>Here is something that people don’t think too much about, but sometimes an “accident” while driving, drinking or otherwise, for teens, often boys, is suicide. It is a phenomenom that doesn’t get enough attention.</p>
<p>Teenagers feel that they are invulnerable. I’d like to blame video games (hit reset) except I felt the same way 40 years ago, before they were invented. Stupid mistakes made by people without the perspective to understand the risk they’re taking. Yes, parents should do what they can. But some teens will do the stupid anyway.</p>
<p>There are some parents like you describe in our community as well. I don’t understand their thinking but I also know that many teens kill themselves with cars and alcohol all by themselves. Try not to focus on a scapegoat - that’s a natural reaction but it’s non-productive. Taking stupid risks, and occasionally paying the price of those risks, has been a part of young adulthood from time immemorial. </p>
<p>There are some things you can do:</p>
<p>1) Take car keys away from people who shouldn’t driving, if you should find youself in a situation to do so.</p>
<p>2) Encourage and praise others among your peer group who do the same.</p>
<p>3) Don’t laugh at, or otherwise encourage, the “I was so wasted…” stories.</p>
<p>4) Talk honestly with any of your peers who you feel have a problem with alcohol or drugs. Most will blow you off. Maybe not all.</p>
<p>5) Take care of yourself.</p>
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<p>First, I am sorry about your friends deaths. It’s always tragic when a young life ends needlessly.</p>
<p>Actually, there is a lot that parents, the school, and the community as a whole can do to prevent many of these kinds of deaths and the foolish behavior that leads to them. Parents should be educated to know the dangers from alcohol to teenagers, but many are not. </p>
<p>I don’t know what grade you’re in, but I believe that in order to make a difference in a school with big drinking problems, you need to reach the parents in the 7th, 8th and 9th grades. They need to see the statistics,
be educated about the effects of alcohol on young brains, and be made aware of the legal liabilities. It would help if the school had the leadership to bring this information to parents, either through coffees or parent meetings, or through the P.E. or athletic department. I believe with the right kind of parent/school partnership, great strides can be made in reducing this problem. </p>
<p>We did this in my kid’s high school. A group of concerned 9th-10th grade parents took it upon themselves to bring the problem to the school, engage an important administrator to help facilitate the parent education discussions, and also bring the subject into the forefront of the students. We had speakers - ex-alcoholics, knowledeable people who work in alcohol rehabilitation, educators, and even scientists with the latest on the effects of alcohol on teenagers. The parents had meetings in their homes with good food and drink, and invited speakers and administrators to address their concerns, and allowed parents to network and compare notes on what they all were doing in their homes.
The school also took the ball, and ran with it. </p>
<p>Three years later, the results have been nothing short of amazing.
Within my son’s senior class, drinking has been reduced substantially. A few kids do drink, but drinking and driving is frowed upon by all. This was not the case three years ago. Also, it used to be that the school leaders were the “partiers.” The popular kids all drank. The whole culture of the school has changed for the better, and the kids running things now party, maybe, but not with alcohol or drugs.
It took a lot of hard work from the administration and dedicated parents over a couple of years to really make an impact, but everyone feels it. </p>
<p>If you are still going to be at your high school for a couple of years, you could make a difference. Get the PTA, the admininstration, and a group of like-minded friends to do something about the out-of-control drinking that is affecting your school. Everyone is hurt by doing nothing.</p>
<p>Although there drinking and driving is wrong… i dont think there is anything wrong with drinking for minors or adults. It really isnt a big deal. I dont understand y so many people are against alcohol. If someone can control himself there is no reason to not let him drink at parties, dinner, barebeques, with friends. Its really not a big deal. I am 17 i drink all the time. When ever i have dinner i like to enjoy a beer or two or maybe a glass ofwine and when im with friends we always drink its not really a big deal. Just bc there are idiots does not mean something is wrong</p>
<p>How do those who drink at parties, dinners, barbeques, etc., get home from these affairs, I might ask? No need to answer. The OP already has.</p>
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<p>I would also be concerned about a 17 year old who says that nothing is wrong, yet they “always have a beer or two with dinner” or always has to drink when with friends. Be careful.</p>
<p>well generally i eat dinner at home so i dont really need to drive home when i am already home do i? If i am not at home and i am eating with my food one beer with a meal will never be able to intoxicate me or anyone for that matter. If i am drinking at babeques or things like that its the same idea. Sometimes i drink and let a few hours pass till i am good to drive, but when i get drunk at parties or what not i have a friend who didnt drink drive me home. Every party i go to there are always people that drive like 5 kids, so those 5 can drink…</p>
<p>whats wrong with that. It has a nice flavor and if u choose the ride drink to compliment the food it comes out nice. Look i did over exagerate when i said i ALWAYS have a drink at dinner, but its not a rare thing, but i dont see the problem with it</p>
<p>The Op didn’t write this post to complain about people having a drink with dinner. He/She wrote to express concern for his dead friends who apparently thought they were sober enough to drive, but were wrong. The problem with alcohol is that it often clouds one’s judgement. </p>
<p>Any high school that loses three kids to drunk driving, and another to alcohol poisoning has a problem. If parents are giving “drinking parties”, that’s part of the problem. </p>
<p>Why are you dragging your personal drink with dinner into this thread? I don’t think this is about you.
Or is it?</p>
<p>it seemed like it was an attack on alcohol to me thats all. Drinking parties should never be thrown by parents bc its pretty damn risky for them to take responsibility for 30 or however much other kids. Also someone talked about schools and parents getting involved in communities about drinking its not the communities buisness what the children do, its the families buisness and each family should individually handle these issues.</p>
<p>There is a contingent of parents in our community (I don’t know how many, just know they exist) that practice a very very strict policy with their kids of no drinking and driving. They either ignore, look the other way, or even facilitate the drinking, but have been succsessful about eliminating the driving part either by using designated drivers or keeping the drunk kids at sleepovers. While I am less than thrilled with the large amount of HS drinking going on (evidenced by the trashbags full of empty horrible cheap lite beer cans in the neighborhood every weekend) we have been spared the tragedy of drunk driving accidents for the most part.</p>
<p>haha the trashbags of ****ty beer…i have got to great pains to get rid of them</p>
<p>I can certainly empathize with the OP - having had to watch the loss and pain of loosing friends/relatives/siblings/children - and thru my own kids eyes - over the years - because of stupid choices made involving alcohol and drugs. Many ‘‘kids’’ - adults too - really don’t think when they drink - and feel they are invinsible.</p>
<p>SKI - I certainly hope you don’t end up like an old poster here - who is no longer with us - he thought much like you do - and died because of it :(.</p>
<p>BTW SKI - make sure to let me know when you and your pals are on the roads - so I won’t be - save a life!!</p>
<p>Communities - uuummmm they certainly have to be involved in regards to those who drink/drive illegally - we pay the police/fire dept salaries - who also have to witness the carnage at the scene of those DUI accidents. You might even say - it takes a village - schools/community/families/parents - to be involved. Those DUI drivers are often involved in - the cause of the deaths of inocents…</p>
<p>So grow up SKI and take responsibility for your life - and be considerate of those around you - don’t be the one responsible for killing any of them.</p>
<p>i dont drink and drive i think thats stupid. I would never do that, if i drink i make sure im safe about it and have enough restraint to know when to stop and i think thats the key to alcohol consumption being able to tell ur self to stop. Its all about whether or not u can control urself</p>
<p>u are rite about drinkin drivin its a terrible thing bc its soo dangerous and communities should get involved, but not in underage drinking. I think having the school show gruesome and terrible pictures is whats important or organizing a trip to the hospital to see the ICU and the drivers in it</p>
<p>aaahuuuuuh!!</p>
<p>SKI you got it backwards - underage drinking is bad!!! is illegal!! is dangerous!! - and can certainly lead to long term drinking problems and behaviours…alcoholism - a disease - it is real. You think your 17 year old drinking habit is benign?? You have probably been drinking for a long time then to think there is nothing wrong with it - that doesn’t say alot of good things about your judgement - IMHO. Wonder how your liver studies would look like?? uuummm</p>
<p>whats that mean</p>
<p>While drinking & driving is dangeroues, America faces a bigger danger. Driving & Talking on the cell phone ( equivalent of being drunk).</p>
<p>If you love someone, buy them ( parents hint hint ) a device that is hands free. This will not eliminate the danger but hopefully save some lives. BTW I have no financial interest in these devices.</p>
<p>I actually read a study that said that statistics showed that hands free devices were just as dangerous as cell phones that were held. It is not the holding that is the problem, apparently, but the attention taken away from driving. (It is not the same as talking to someone next to you in the car, because that person can see the traffic and will generally stop talking when there is a dangerous situation.)</p>
<p>Anyway, not to hijack the thread…</p>
<p>My son, college soph-to-be, recently visited a friend out of state. When he arrived, the mom let him know that they had stocked the refrigerator with beer for him and their son. And apparently they also provided alcohol to their son’s friends when he was still in high school. I was not happy with this, but I know my son is old enough to make wise decisions. He did say that they would not let his friends drive drunk. Still, I wonder if the friends’ parents knew what was going on. It just did not seem like a great idea to me. (They usually had beer with dinner, played beer pong, etc.) And contrary to the idea that making alcohol a normal part of the day takes away the desire to overdo, this kid is a heavy drinker at college.</p>