Drinking in High School parent drama

Parent Cafe
41

<p>I read it as they suspended the kid whose house it was at and the kid who brought weed, not the kid who called for a ride home.</p>

<p>I don’t think the parents hosting deserve to be told what is going on in their own home. Take your chances when you provide alcohol to minors. And who wants to take the chance by confronting the host parents on their home turf at night? She was in her own home days later and the Host Parent came to confront her and there was an altercation. Can you imagine what that would have been like at the home of the host parents, when alcohol was being consumed? Nope. Pick up my child and leave, report later.</p>

42

<p>Got it - thanks for the correction</p>

43

<p>AKmom: Does that work to curb alcohol consumption and do parents ever complain? Is it completely consistent? That is, does the star quarterback get the same treatment as the kids sitting on the bench? None of the schools around here take it that far and I wonder if they should to some extent. I have heard that kids have gotten much more savvy about not having big, out of control parties so the drinking in the basement with 20 or fewer kids is probably common. Here, if kids get caught and the coaches learn about it directly, the kids would be suspended. But seems to be pretty rare. </p>

44

<p>Here’s a story from out local news a couple weeks ago . . .</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.komonews.com/news/local/41-students-banned-from-sports-for-attending-Halloween-parties-281882181.html”>http://www.komonews.com/news/local/41-students-banned-from-sports-for-attending-Halloween-parties-281882181.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

45

<p>A friend of mine let her teenage son have a party at home. She invited few kids’ parents over to help her chaperone. She did everything right. The adults stayed upstairs, but they went down to the basement from time to time to bring down more food and drinks. She thought the party went very well - no alcohol and no excessive hook up - until she went to clean up the basement next day. She found empty beer bottles hidden away. She asked her son how did they get the beer downstairs without her knowledge (she greeted every kid to make sure they weren’t bringing any alcohol to the house). The son told her that they had cases stashed away by the basement windows before the party. My friend was so upset, she called every kid’s parent to let them know there was alcohol at the party and she was sorry.</p>

<p>I don’t think parent 2 should have gone to the school right away. She should have talked to parent 1 first to find out what happened. I think I would have used it as a teachable moment with my kid - just because there was alcohol it didn’t mean she had to participate. Parent 2 was a bit crazy in my opinion. Knowing there are a lot of crazies out there, I never let D1 have a party at our house. We hosted an 18th birthday dinner for D1 at our house. We served wine with dinner and the girls all slept over, but I made sure their parents were fine with it.</p>

46

<p>" I think I would have used it as a teachable moment with my kid - just because there was alcohol it didn’t mean she had to participate."
Oldfort is wise as always. </p>

47

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<p>It is not always illegal for parents to serve alcohol to underage kids under their supervision. Nor is it necessarily stupid to allow them to drink under supervision in a non-party context. But it is typically stupid (and more likely to be illegal) to provide them alcohol for them to consume unsupervised, especially in a party with their friends.</p>

48

<p>I think Parent #2 should have called the police and let them handle it. </p>

49

<p>UCBalum, can you give an example of a state that allows a parent to provide alcohol to a minor who isn’t their own child in their direct supervision?</p>

50

<p>Wasn’t clear – meant that it was not necessarily illegal for parents to provide alcohol to their own kids under supervision, not kids in general (although it is illegal in some places but not others).</p>

<p><a href=“https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/state_profiles_of_underage_drinking_laws.html”>https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/state_profiles_of_underage_drinking_laws.html&lt;/a&gt; describes underage drinking laws by state.</p>

51

<p>Here’s one for you which is a summary. It’s broken down by private residence with supervision without parental consent and with parental consent (along with other exceptions, such are religious purposes, etc). Laws vary by state.</p>

<p><a href=“State-by-State MLDA Exceptions - Drinking Age - ProCon.org”>http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>On private, non alcohol-selling premises,
without parental consent in 6 states
Examples: Private home, private office, or private property without parental consent or presence
Louisiana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, Oklahoma, South Carolina</p>

<p>On private, non alcohol-selling premises, with parental consent in 29 states
Examples: private home, private office, or private property with parental presence and consent
Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Carolina, Texas, Virginia, Washington, Wisconsin, Wyoming</p>

<p>So those are your 6 states that allow a parent to provide alcohol to someone under 21 who isn’t their own child and without the other child’s parent’s consent.</p>

<p>(With parental consent means either direct supervision or by consent of a parent who is not in direct supervision of their own kid,)</p>

52

<p>@ucbalumus – since you quoted me in post #46 - I was responding to OP’s scenario — in that it was clear parents did not know alcohol was being consumed and provided by host parents. If someone wants to allow their OWN children to drink in their own home, for whatever reason - fine. IMO, providing / allowing consumption to others who are underage is not a smart move. I don’t care what state you live in. </p>

53

<p>I think the folks who assume they can mount the appropriate legal defense in case something goes wrong (tragically wrong) in one of these house parties are insane. Sure, I can run my annoying neighbor over with my car and hope that I can pay for the right kind of representation which can successfully frame this as a terrible accident or a pesky brake that I was supposed to take to Midas that very day. And if/when the stars align, I may get the right grand jury, and nobody will discover that I’d complained to my hairdresser the week before, “Boy I hate that guy. wouldn’t it be nice if you could just mow down your irritating neighbors”.</p>

<p>But I’m not sure that’s the right way to be a citizen; raise your kids; be part of a community. You give someone else’s kid alcohol in your home and you think the OTHER parent is the one who has to excuse his/her behavior???</p>

<p>The world has gone mad. </p>

54

<p>I haven’t read the fine print of the different state laws but I would imagine that there is some language or at least implication that the adult in these cases is assuming responsibility for the minor(s).</p>

55

<p>What about if it was a case where the host parent didn’t know there was alcohol at the party? Parent 2 didn’t even speak with Parent 1 before she reported it to school? What about Parent 2’s responsibility? Did she even bother to call Parent 1 before the party to find out what kind of party it was going to be? It is always easy to blame someone else - never your fault or your kid’s fault. If I was that concerned, I would have called the host parent before the party. </p>

<p>I remember few years back many CC posters thought I was nuts to expect my kid to call me from a landline when she was sleeping over at a friend’s house, and I would sometime call up the parent to make sure they were going to be at the house when my kid was over. D1 walked a fairly straight line because she knew I would spot check on her.</p>

56

<p>I agree. As I said earlier, do we know that Parent2 knew when she picked her kid up that Parent1 supplied the beer? IMHO any reasonable person would go in and talk to the parents and tell them their kid had asked to be picked up because kid were drinking and smoking pot. Perhaps Parent1 would have gone downstairs and read them the riot act, confiscated the substances, and so on. If not, Parent1 would have had to explain to Parent2 her thinking behind allowing this in her house. Parent2 might have put her on notice that she didn’t agree, and asked if other parents whose kids were there knew. And so on. </p>

<p>But no…she got HER kid out of there and promptly turned in all of the others. Doesn’t fill me with admiration. </p>

57

<p>Truth be known, I’d pick up my kid, congratulate her on being smart enough to know when to leave, ask if anybody else wanted a ride home and call it a day. And kids usually know alcohol is available at a party before going whether the parents (even the ones chaperoning) know it.</p>

58

<p>At my D’s private high school they had a 24/7 honor code so that behavior off campus did count and could result in disciplinary action. However, every school year we had to sign the honor agreement so it was no secret to anyone and we agreed to abide by those rules.They were also very liberal so I doubt if this would have resulted in any discipline, just an assembly to remind the kids about the dangers of alcohol. Not sure if a public school can dictate what happens outside of school, except for the fact that they are mandatory reporters once they learned of the parents illegal activities.</p>

<p>I don’t agree with the parents buying alcohol for other people’s children - that is illegal. Providing liquor to high school kids is downright reprehensible and parents should stop trying to be “buddies” and be parents.</p>

59

<p>I heard about a horrible story once. Alcohol served at party, provided by parents. Keys were taken, but one boy had his extra key with him and drove home, and didn’t make it home. Everyone has two sets of keys to their car, taking one set doesn’t always prevent a bad outcome.</p>

60

<p>consolation, you are braver than I. I would not confront another parent in their home with no back up. My kids went to school in north Florida (same school the kids who died after a party cited earlier in this thread). Everyone has guns. Everyone but me. I told my kids to assume everyone had a gun and not to confront anyone.</p>

<p>They would go to friends’ homes for parties or movie night or to work on projects. I did not contact every parent to see if they had alcohol or if they would supervise the kids all night. One did come home from a superbowl party and say that the boys were drinking beer, and while she didn’t call me to pick her up, she did leave shortly after. Would I have confronted these parents during a superbowl party? No way.</p>

<p>I do not think the host parents deserve a warning or to discuss it with me. I have a right to report it to anyone I want - police, school, athletic team, other parents. If the host parents didn’t know about the alcohol, they can defend themselves (in some states cited in the links above, not having knowledge is a defense but in others it is not). Look at what happened in the case OP reported. Parent #1 went to the home of parent #2 days later and an altercation broke out. Can you imagine what would have happened if Parent #2 would have just confronted Parent #1 (or parents, if both were home) at the party? In their home, with a gun or a dog or alcohol involved?</p>