<p>Well,I think that if Parent#2 had <em>discussed</em> the situation with Parent#1 on the spot, they would have had a conversation, which may or may not have become hostile. I think that Parent#1 lost it not because Parent#2 made her disapproval known, but because she did so by turning in Parent1’s kid to the school authorities, without any attempt to communicate beforehand. Which I happen to think was a pretty low thing to do, in the circumstances. (Yes, there ARE things that would cause me to go straight to the police or the school. This comparatively controlled, albeit misguided, situation was not one of them.)</p>
<p>I bet if it were her OWN kid she would have had a talk and tried to get her kid to agree not to do it again, not just reported her kid directly to the school principal. In fact, gosh, isn’t that exactly what she did?</p>
<p>I cannot imagine, frankly, living in a place where I had to worry about other parents owning guns and being likely to shoot me. You have my sympathies.</p>
We have a similar problem in our expat community. The european parents think it’s normal to provide alcohol at a teen party, while the other nationality parents don’t. I’ve been to some heated parent debates over this issue at my kids’ international school.</p>
<p>@mom2and - I think it may cut some consumption but not sure how much. However, the rules are applied no matter who is caught as it’s a rule for the state sports league - 25% of the season missed for first infraction, 50% for second (not sure what for third). If there is not that much left in the season, the penalty continues over to the NEXT season, which could be fall of the following year. And you don’t earn a varsity letter (can can’t claim to have been a member of the team) if you aren’t a member in good standing at the end of the season. Unfortunately, DS lived with some of those consequences. Also, if players are playing who are not “eligible” to play because of penalties, then the team could forfeit meets, games, etc. So coaches tend to take it seriously. Personally I believe the penalties are a bit harsh and I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that part anymore! And luckily DD and her friends are not partiers at all so no alcohol worries at their gatherings (and no, I’m not being naive about this group of kids). I think she saw her brother face the consequences and wanted no part of that scene!</p>
<p>@consolation, I think you’d be surprised how many of your friends and acquaintances have guns. I was pretty shocked. My liberal, democratic voting, female, French major, literature loving, California hippie boss turned out to have two, a handgun and a rifle. Shocked is the only way I could describe my reaction upon learning this.</p>
<p>From that point, I decided to assume every boy scout, grandmother, neighbor, teacher, coach had a gun. </p>
<p>@momofthreeboys, what you are describing is called “constructive possession.” Basically, this means that a minor in the presence of alcohol where other minors are drinking is considered to be in possession of alcohol. In many states, that’s enough to charge the minor, even if she isn’t drinking and even without any kind of sobriety test. I don’t love this law either, but I do take it seriously. </p>
<p>Thanks @akmom124. There are consequences at our school as well, but I don’t believe that drinking at an off-campus party necessarily results in school consequences. I think the kid has to have consumed for it to be an infraction, not just being present. But the latter may be used as selective enforcement. The coaches talk about it, but not clear there is actually much follow through. </p>
<p>I agree that some seem a bit harsh - losing 25% of a season for being at a party - but if it works as a deterrent, maybe more schools should consider. Of course, once a kid is dumped from a team, the incentive to not drink is gone and with nothing left to lose, may push that kid to party harder. </p>
<p>In regard to post #50, those may be the state laws but local municipalities may override with their own laws. I live in NJ where our township passed an ordinance which makes it illegal to serve alcohol to anyone under 21 even in a private home, including your own child. No one has been served a summons for serving their own child, the intent is really to prevent these underage drinking parties with parental permission, and many a summons has been issued for this. We have had children as young as 13 and 14 taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I’m sorry, but I really don’t see how that helps prepare one for college. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is 19 and we serve her wine with dinner and such. But I feel that is very different than serving her and her friends alcohol at a party. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t provide alcohol to a minor other than my own child (wine at Christmas dinner type of thing). I have been in a situation, however, where alcohol was consumed with parental knowledge. It is common in my area for seniors to rent beach houses for prom weekend. My S’s group of friends did this and although the parents didn’t provide alcohol, we knew it was present at the house. We had several parent meetings before the weekend. We collectively agreed upon the house rules, had a schedule of parent chaperones, controlled access in and out of the house, kids were transported to the house so no cars were available, and all parents signed a release prepared by an attorney. I live in one of the states that had more lenient laws. The laws have since changed and I would no longer do this for liability reasons. To me, it seemed like a safer environment than kids partying unsupervised. </p>
<p>I think parent #1 was wrong to provide the alcohol. IMO parent #2 should’ve just picked up their kid (I’ve gotten that call before) and called parent #1 the next day. I have both received and made calls from/to parents to verify a situation. Parent communication goes a long way. </p>
<p>Are there parents who allow their kids to spend unsupervised, alcohol based post prom party weekends at beach houses? Are there renters who knowingly rent to these kids and/or parents? I must be living in an alternate universe.</p>
<p>I said no to the beach party condo/hotel rental after prom. Just didn’t see the up side, and one parent did rent the unit and there was no supervision. </p>
<p>One daughter went to a party at her friend’s house, parents home, boys left at 1 or 2 am, girls slept over. The other (the one who wanted to go to the beach) went to a lake house instead. I wasn’t happy about that because of the 1.5 hour drive, but the host parent drove. I also knew the family next door at the lake house, and knew their daughter was hosting a group too. In the end both my kids had a great prom without an unsupervised free for all at the beach.</p>
<p>We have an all night lock in at the high school after prom - it’s more highly attended than prom itself!</p>
<p>Seniors still try to rent houses in OCMD after graduation. Many, many times they come home early because they got kicked out or it didn’t turn out to be as fun as they thought after a couple of days.</p>
<p>I would be very angry if a parent took it upon themselves to serve one of my children alcohol at their home without discussing it with me first. That is extremely aggressive and in my own view extremely misguided. I would have simply picked my child up and told the parents exactly what I thought of them on the way out. I don’t mince words when it comes to the safety of my children. </p>
<p>My children are free to have a glass of wine with H and myself when they are in our home and have no plans to go out for the evening. They know that we would not serve alcohol to any of their friends and they would not ask if they had friends over. Every parent handles introducing their children to alcohol in a different manner. I think that needs to be respected.</p>
<p>^^i agree. Please don’t override my rules and make a decision about my child. You do not know if he is on any meds that are not compatible with alcohol, if alcoholism runs in our family, if it is against our family values etc. </p>
<p>Plus you are breaking the law and implying to my teen that the only way to have fun at a party or gathering is by drinking. </p>
<p>@saintfan - sometimes the houses are owned by one of the parents, or a parent(s) will rent a house for their kids. The degree of supervision varies. IME, the biggest problem is other kids showing up at the house. We had the big burly dads on night duty to keep roving partiers out and to keep things under control. Boys and girls spent the night, but they were separated. The kids had a great time. Again, this is something I would no longer attempt. It worked well, but I attribute much of that to a cohesive group of parents who put a lot of time and effort into planning and supervision. </p>
<p>I think this thread illustrates that even in high school it is important to know your kids friends, and have their parent numbers, so you can call beforehand and clarify that they will be home etc. ( although that might not have helped in this case, )
However, if the parent had done their due diligence, they likely would have gotten a heads up beforehand.</p>
<p>I believe that for high school students, , off campus behavior is important, especially when other members of their school/ sports teams, are present. Students have been suspended or expelled at Ds school for illegal behavior.</p>
<p>Honor codes are tough because the future implications are huge even for an offense of proximity or retweeting a picture of a marijuana leaf as is described in the story. The kids or parents who blow the whistle and the school administrator who enforces them become the bad guys. Any official action must be reported on college applications and a season long suspension from team and other ASB activities could derail a kid’s potential college plans. Like every zero tolerance policy it seems like a middle ground would be in order. Parents, coaches and peers are encouraged to look the other way to avoid the most extreme penalties which seems like an equally bad violation of the honor code. When DH coached at the HS level (JV) there were a number of different types of violations that were handled in house with the athletic director. DH ended up publicly benching a large group of players which resulted in a protracted de facto 7 inning forfeit when no other action was taken at higher levels. In a way the harsh penalties result in sweeping transgressions under the rug which becomes The Jameis Winston Story when it gets to the higher levels. </p>
<p>I agree they need some sort of middle ground, although from what I have observed that can mean the kids with involved parents are treated differently than kids whose parents either allow the school to determine repercussions, or parents who can’t be bothered. Of course if you are a highly desired athlete, the rules may not apply.</p>
<p>When I was in high school, I was present in the " smoking" bathroom when the vice principal made a random sweep.
I wasn’t smoking, but it was the closest bathroom to my class.
I was expelled for three days, but missing three days of school messed me up & I told my dad I wouldn’t go back.
He enrolled me in the public school designed for * miscreants* like me, something that hadn’t even been an option until I got into trouble.
It seriously was a lifesaver & I wish I had known about it before.( it is now a choice high school, so you don’t have to be in trouble to attend)</p>
<p>The school district where I live now is dead set on getting rid of alternative choices, and provides minimal support to students who are struggling with staying in school, and students who don’t want a large comprehensive high school. ( except for The Center School, for some reason, they leave that alone) They keep moving the programs around the district & currently neighborhood advocates are up in arms because a tiny therapeutic high school will be located in a gym across the street from an elementary school. Can’t wait till the school board rushes to make permanent the superintendent who is eager to push out students who don’t fit. </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.rimonthly.com/Rhode-Island-Monthly/May-2008/Driven-to-Drink[/url]”>www.rimonthly.com/Rhode-Island-Monthly/May-2008/Driven-to-Drink</a>
Barrington, Rhode Island produced many such stories in the recent past. I wonder how many parents really encourage teen drinking? Do many parents host such parties, or is there a core of repeat offenders?</p>
<p>If someone who deals with addiction every day is willing to host a drinking party, I would assume most parents who host such a party know what they’re doing.</p>
<p>I would just like to point out that the kid whose parent reported the party to the school may be a pariah for a lot more than a few weeks. I’ve seen it happen, and I’d be very concerned about it if I were in this situation. The parent may suffer a tongue-lashing, but the consequences for the kid could be a lot more dire. I’m not sure it would be worth it, since these parties occur all the time. Also, if your kid thinks you will report the party to the school, get a bunch of kids suspended, etc., she may be a lot less likely to call you to come pick her up if there’s drinking at the party and she wants to leave. We told our kids we’d come pick them up from any party, no questions asked.</p>
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