<p>"We are too ashamed to admit that there is a food-related problem in the US since we are the greatest country in the world, so we simply use an euphemism “food insecurity.”</p>
<p>Actually, the US has 50-million people enrolled in the SNAP program, plus millions more on supplemental nutritional assistance, WIC, and school breakfast, lunch, and summer food programs. The numbers have ballooned over the past few years. "Food insecurity’ is the current term for this situation because hunger would be inaccurate. It also gives poverty programs a much bigger number to use for fundraising purposes.The US is unusual in that the poor are also the obese. That’s our current food-related problem. We are very messed up.</p>
<p>Wanting to quit music because he sees it as a waste happens to a lot of boys at this age.</p>
<p>mcat2, DS is very mature in general (I have no idea why) and very thoughtful. He’s always been accepting of other kids, often getting to know the ones who are scapegoats, or troublemakers, and learning about them. He was only in 3rd grade or so the first time he told me, about a boy who was considered “bad”, “He’s had a really hard life, Mom.” He would never tell me any details, even then he kept confidences, but he always tries to understand people who don’t behave well. And he’s very compassionate. </p>
<p>He does want to get a job this summer, but he’s still 15. Several of his friends have gotten jobs locally, in the grocery or Starbucks, but they are 16, the minimum age for employment at stores. </p>
<p>But I agree, although many teens are very idealistic, it could indicate depression and struggle with self worth.
I also hate to say this, but I would not encourage hime to volunteer at a teen shelter.
It is a lot to process at that age, and it was too much for a girl I knew who volunteered at the shelter, and over time befriended them and spent a lot of time there, eventually living on the streets herself, even though she had a home and a loving family.
It didnt end well unfortunately, she became addicted to heroin and died while she was waiting for a bed to open up in the treatment facility.</p>
<p>EK, you have to know how rare an outcome like that would be. I’ve worked at two different shelters (one IPV and one for homeless youth). We had several high school and college student volunteers at those shelters and none ever experienced anything of the sort. </p>
<p>If he does have anxiety/depression (not something I think it sounds like he has solely from THIS description), then volunteering at shelters might not be the best idea… but for different reasons other than the ones that EK talks about. </p>
<p>What are you talking about???
We have NO problem talking about “food related” problems.</p>
<p>We talk a lot about the fat epidemic - especially in kids. 30% overweight or obese - chew on that for a second.
The First Lady talks about kids needing to exercise more and eat better because they are not eating right are fat and out of shape.
We create fake names such as “food insecurity” with big scary numbers…(oh my Mildred it is 1 out of 5 kids!) when that has very little to do with actual hunger or not having food. This way a lot more people can have a “food related” problem. No one gets excluded. </p>
Do you give money regularly to charity? If so, maybe you should share that info with your son – that is, tell him, yes, you do pay $X for his music lessons, but you also give $Y to (list of of your favorite charities) each year. Point out that its possible to do achieve balance, to do both – and that you have that $Y to give because of the choices you and his father have made about education and employment.</p>
<p>If you don’t give – or if the amount you give is so small that you are embarrassed to let your son know what it is – maybe you should listen to him. If the funds aren’t available, maybe you and your son could get involved with doing some volunteer work together. Or maybe he could cut back, but not give up entirely, on some of the private lessons to donate the difference to charity. </p>
<p>I’m not in any way trying to tell you what to do with your money – I’m just saying that sometimes its worthwhile to listen to the concerns that our children raise. If something is important to your son, then maybe it’s something that should become important to you as well. And it’s very possible that a commitment to volunteerism or working to raise funds for a cause he feels is important can be just as valid and important as his music.</p>
<p>Not everyone is cut out to pursue a career in music in any case – so this may be a time that he is realizing that even though he is very talented, he might not be good enough to make a living as a concert pianist; or maybe he is realizing that even if he were that capable, it’s not really what he wants to do in life. If he doesn’t go on to pursue a degree in music, it’s quite likely that he will give up formal training when he goes to college, if not before. So there might also be an inner dialog going on for him while he puzzles out what he wants to do in life. </p>
<p>Some adolescents/folks tend to be very idealistic and more sensitive to the plight of the less fortunate. This reminded me a bit of Francis of Assisi’s story I remembered reading in elementary school. </p>
<p>While I agree this is a good sentiment to have, one should make sure it’s not taken to the extent one loses perspective and/or worse, feels one must give to the point of complete self-sacrifice.</p>
<p>I’ve seen too many college classmates who took such feelings to extremes to the point they’ve overextended themselves academically and/or in terms of physical/mental health. </p>
<p>It may be helpful to use the airline instructions in case of sudden low oxygen situations at high altitude to secure one’s own dropdown oxygen mask first BEFORE coming to the assistance of others. </p>
<p>Likewise, it’s best if the given adolescent uses his/her parents’ fortunate financial situation to facilitate building him/herself up through education…including music skills and to remember there’s nothing wrong with making some allowance for one’s own needs while being concerned about those who are less fortunate. </p>
<p>Giving to the point of self-sacrifice doesn’t really help anyone in such situations…especially those who are less fortunate. </p>
<p>Tell him if he really wants to live the life of Mother Teresa, he should go live on the streets with the homeless. After a week without shelter, dinners prepared by Mom and hot baths, he might reconsider giving up his privileged life.</p>
<p>Many people your sons age have found ways to help the less fortunate that actually have an impact. I would suggest you find some of these kids stories on the Internet and print them out. Alex’s lemonade stand comes immediately to mind.</p>
<p>He may then start thinking about something he could do in his life to actually make a difference. He might get excited about that. </p>
<p>He has to know that giving up material things will do nothing to help others at this point in his life. It’s not as if you will give the music lesson $$$ to third world countries. It’s your money not his and up to you how you spend it. The same with college funds. If he wants to use his birthday $$$ for others that would be up to him.</p>
<p>He needs to use his own resources to make a difference. </p>
<p>Google kids helping less fortunate or kids helping kids to find an abundance of stories of young people making a difference.</p>
<p>A really great organization is KIVA (and there are also similar orgs) which makes micro loans to people around the world trying to start a business. You can donate any amount of money and actually get repaid (they are loans) or just turn the money over and donate to another cause. An example is someone in a small place wanting to buy a motorcycle to start a delivery business or women needing fabric to start sewing. It is uplifting–people need a hand to get started, not a hand out… You pick the person to contribute to (sort of like kickstarter). </p>
<p>Remind him that we’re all just people. Not all that much different from animals in the scheme of things. If someone staves to death, that’s just what happens. It’s not good or bad or anything, because that person’s life didn’t matter. The suffering of other humans isn’t important because those other humans aren’t important. </p>
<p>Sounds bad, but everyone needs to be reminded of this sometimes. It keeps you sane. </p>
<p>calmom, He does know about our charitable contributions. I contribute to two charities by payroll deduction, and DS has known about this, and my reasons for choosing these two charities, for quite a while. My husband also contributes to two charities, one of them the same as one of mine, by payroll deduction. We also make smaller contributions in response to appeals from friends or relatives for charities they support, or in response to current events. He has been donating some of his money to animal-related charities for a few years, and we match those contributions. He knows how to use charity navigator.</p>
<p>He wanted to give all the money he has to a third-world charity, but my husband persuaded him to donate only part, saying that it is not good financial management to give all money away. We have told him that we would match his donations.</p>
<p>He actually has never been interested in a music career, which is surprising, given how much he loves music and how much time he devotes to it. He loves it for its own sake.</p>
<p>I like the idea of telling him about KIVA, gouf78. I’d been thinking of micro-loan organizations as a meaningful way for him to help.</p>
<p>Vladenschlutte, all I can say is WOW. That seems to be the attitude of young people who kill each other without a thought of the value of a life, but is not my belief!</p>
<p>There is no value of a life. If there was the world would be very different. Realizing this doesn’t mean you’re gonna go out and kill people. Then you have to go to prison. And it’s just disorderly, bad for society, which does have value. </p>
<p>There is nothing wrong, or unusual, about someone his age becoming interested in such issues. We know two amazing young men, brothers, who began their quest to make the world a better place at an even younger age than your son, nymomof2. Perhaps your son would be interested in reading about them and how they have accomplished so much at a young age. Their names are Craig and Marc Kielberger and if you google them, you’ll find an abundance of information. Here is just one article that tells a bit about their experiences:</p>
<p>It sounds like he is just a thoughtful kid who is waking up to how lucky he is and feeling a bit guilty about it. Taking it to extremes isn’t an unusual way to respond for a sensitive adolescent. </p>
<pre><code> I’d suggest keeping the conversation going and enable him to get involved in what is meaningful to him. I wouldn’t try to persuade him that “local” is just as good as third world help, for instance. That issue isn’t what this is about. Let him go where his heart takes him, and try to help him reach that threshold that will enable him to really feel he is giving back. Once he does, he probably won’t feel the need to give up some of the meaningful things he loves, like continuing his music education; after all, music is not a “material thing,” and it has a lot of potential to spread joy, heal, and provide solace to many. (And no, fluffy, it’s not a substitute for food; not a fan of “all or nothing” thinking.)
</code></pre>
<p>It never ceases to amaze me how quickly a seemingly uncontroversial issue can become contentious on this board. </p>
<p>He needs to learn some economics principles. When the haves spend their money it helps a lot of others. Whether you choose to do so locally or with concerns for the environment is up to you. Those dollars spent mean someone has money to buy things they wouldn’t otherwise have. The music lesson person has the money to go to a restaurant which means the business can afford their overhead and the server gets money to buy things. So many people would be out of a job if all people were frugal in all aspects of life </p>
<p>Once you have plenty of money for college, retirement and basic living expenses you have surplus money. You can spend it or save it. But- if you save the excess you will never spend (remember you have taken care of all expenses) you are depriving others of using the money for both your and their benefit. It is good to give to charitable causes but remember all of those “little people” in our society who are surviving because people are spending money so they can earn a wage. As much as I like to save money by doing things myself there are some things we pay others to do. They get some of our extra money to live on and don’t need charity. A win-win situation.</p>