<p>EK, why do you feel as though your D is being bought? Perhaps her friend values your D’s friendship for the many reasons that make her a good person and a good friend.</p>
<p>We too have taken our D’s friends along on trips, and never felt we were flaunting anything. If you truly want your daughter to be exposed to diversity let her make up her own mind about their lifestyle after she goes. She sounds well grounded, and if they are shallow she will know it.
As for reciprocation, do what feels right to you. If we invite one of D’s friends along I have no expectations that someday they will do the same. I just figure it makes my kid happy, and I get to spend extra time with her.</p>
<p>I didnt say that I was speaking of D.
But when I was younger/in high & middle school, I had a friend who most always paid for things and because they were at a level at which my family did not do things they felt unfamiliar to me…foreign.</p>
<p>Also since my friend obviously knew that I could not reciprocate at the same level, she treated me differently than my other friends did. There was an usually unstated expectation that I would " take her side" in group activities/conversations, and it extended to things where her parents & their checkbook were not involved. ( but at times she would become angry if I did not take her side-or mimic her & tell me that they were’nt my friends- I was only there because of her)</p>
<p>In retrospect ( and since she recently located me although I dropped her when I left high school), I see that she had two tiers of friends- a small group of friends who were upper middle and did not overlap with her larger group of lower income friends that she seemed to spend most of her time with ( and even now), but whom she would make disparaging comments about. ( I slightly overlapped in each group, as apparently she deemed me intelligent enough to make up for my lack of shiny, but the way she spoke about others- made me wonder what she said about me when I wasn’t there)</p>
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<p>That’s pretty offensive and suprising coming from one of my favorit posters.</p>
<p>I guess that’s a part of the reason message boards are so interesting. Nobody would ever talk about money so openly at a dinner party. With good reason.</p>
<p>I hope your family enjoys the summer.</p>
<p>did you read my above post about my own experience ? Thats what I was referring to- I dont guess how my own D feels ( although she doesnt tell me )
;)</p>
<p>Feelings are also not right or wrong- they are * feelings*.
I didn’t say that I always expressed them.</p>
<p>EK- That sounds awful and I can see how that could color your perceptions now. There are some horrible wealthy people. There are also nice ones with no agenda. </p>
<p>Hope your D has a great summer no matter what she chooses to do.</p>
<p>That’s pretty offensive and suprising coming from one of my favorit posters.</p>
<p>Poetgirl, that is very sweet comment & I am sorry if I offended anyone- I really don’t couch what I say very well- and I need to clarify that I don’t get into discussions with people about money- but I tend to avoid situations where I would be depending on someone else.</p>
<p>It is my own thing & I have always been like this. For example, I had a great aunt who used to often want to buy me things or give me expensive jewelry ( of her own) and while I did want keepsakes to remind me of her, I also felt uncomfortable and didn’t want her to think that I was taking her places so she would pay me( as I suspected one or two of her other relatives did- she was fairly well off & didn’t have children)- so I would turn her down.</p>
<p>I would never have hurt her feelings- but unfortunately, that is what I probably did. :(</p>
<p>I’m sorry Aunt Eula.</p>
<p>Just ruminating: I grew up in an apartment in a very well known, very wealthy place. My best friend was extremely wealthy. This was a time and place when, within the city, there was a division between the haves and the nots. My friend never saw the dicotomy. We went out (in her car), went to lunch and I paid my part. We drove her in father’s Rolls…and I was the passenger. So what? We were friends. Did my parents worry? Probably, but not about the difference in money. They probably (and rightfully) were concerned about what we were doing (don’t ask). To this day my friend said that she always envied how much my parents loved me. And yes, I did envy a girl who could go into Saks and buy 5 (yes 5) dresses, and to quote Eloise, “just charge it please.”</p>
<p>Many, many years have passed. We still live in the same city. We have had financial ups and downs, but we are still dear friends. And yes, while I married, as they used to say, “well”, you know it has never made a difference to either of us. We have supported each other emotionally through all these years. I never looked in her wallet, nor she in mine.</p>