My DS was expelled from his private Catholic HS this past Spring, He was a HS junior with good test scores and grades, and we ended up transferring him to our local public school, where he continued to earn a 4.3 GPA, and passed all four of his AP exams (with scores of 4 and 5s). He was expelled from the private school for calling a friend (and cross country teammate) an inappropriate nickname with racial undertones. (Both my son and the other boy are white). My son did have a previous suspension for getting in a fight during a hockey game during his sophomore year, and was on “probation” for that. Hence, the expulsion.
My question is this: does he have any prayer for being accepted into a decent 4-year university? Or, does he need to just plan to attend the local community college for a couple of years until he can eliminate the HS transcript requirement? (Yes, I do feel like a failure as a parent, and he feels like a failure as a student, so please limit your remarks to constructive suggestions.)
I know a number of instances of students who were expelled during junior year from their private HS, yet went to well regarded schools (UChicago, USC, flagship State U).
Kids get expelled from private schools for reasons that would only garnish harsh words at a public school. Some violations are more “damaging” than others. The toxic violation is drugs. Cheating is also very damaging. Thankfully, neither are the case here. “Getting into a fight at a hockey game” would make most people chuckle. I don’t know how “inappropriate” the nickname was. But typically when private schools expel a student, while they will acknowledge the expulsion, they do not elaborate on the specifics of the case. You should find out what that school’s protocol is.
There is debate on whether the expulsion should be the topic of the admissions essay. One camp says to demonstrate humility, lessons learned, turning the leaf. Others say let the guidance counselor address it in his/her report. I think the nature of the offense should guide that call. It is recommended that the student engage in a targeted community service activity to gain insight and build character.
It sounds as though your S is a strong student. Based on the type of schools that admitted the expelled students I know about, I surmise that schools that aggressively court high stats kids are more forgiving.
Don’t beat yourself up about this. We all did knuckleheaded things when we were teenagers. Many attractive doors are still open to him. This is a setback and a learning experience, but his life is very far from ruined.
If it was expulsion, most likely it was on his record. I wish they’d given him the option of withdrawing voluntarily. I’d find out what exactly is on his record and take it from there. A mistake or mistakes made in high school that didn’t involve criminal activities shouldn’t have too much impact… (Or I hope)
The colleges WILL see that he has records from 2 HS’s during his Jr year, and that WILL generate questions.
The best thing that he can do is keep his nose squeeky clean for the next year, and hope that he can find teachers who will write strong LOR’s for him.
I think he will have to lower his sights considerably and apply to colleges that are not nearly as competitive as those he might otherwise be academically “qualified” to attend.
I know of one student from my DS’s HS [ who is the son a very prominent SV exec] who was expelled for the same reason[ also after a previous warning form the principal] . He did not seem to learn his lesson and was expelled from the very elite college that his parent got him into with a megg-size donation.
Hopefully your DS WILL have learned his lesson…
“I surmise that schools that aggressively court high stats kids are more forgiving.”
that seems to be the pattern.
Many private schools will ask the student to withdraw “voluntarily” and not put the expulsion on the school record. The common narrative is, "it was the parents’ decision to withdraw the child. "
But college AdComms are not dumb; they can read between the lines. And if the student withdrew before completing the school year, then it’s pretty obvious no matter what’s officially not on the transcript.
That’s crazy, neither of you should feel like “failures.” If my son and his teammates were put on probation every time a fight broke out on the ice, none of them would be in school and none would ever graduate. Happens pretty close to every other game with at least one player on our team. They get thrown in the PB or taken out of the game - that’s their punishment. I hope you can talk to your S and convince him it is not the end of the world. People make mistakes, learn from them and move on.
You should check with the school and determine exactly how the expulsion is noted on his record. Many private schools allow a “withdraw” for certain types of offenses. If it is indeed noted as an expulsion I would apply to 4 year schools anyway and see what happens. I would explain the circumstances truthfully in my application. I think with the fight at the hockey game they might understand. With regard to the comment he made to the other boy, were they friends and was it perhaps said in jest?
What I was told by a private college counselor was to always fess up on applications about these types of things. They will hear about it. You need to figure out if he really wants to use it on his main essay. The private counselor suggested that on CA there is short optional essay to explain extenuating situations like this. He should do it in his own words, and show that he learned from his mistake.
The other option from community college, is many public schools look at little but grades & GPA. They don’t even ask for a counselor letter.;
Being honest about it isn’t the same thing as making it the focal point of your application. The essay is the opportunity to make a first impression. Do you want an apology to be the applicant’s defining feature?
A better place to address the expulsion is the supplemental essay for explaininh extenuating circumstances.
You should hire a private college consultant to help you navigate the process. I would ask my friends and acquaintances for recommendations and talk to a handful of consultants about whether they have experience with this issue and then make appointments with at least two of them. You may even want to call his former college counslor at the Catholic school for a recommendation. At this point, it is probably too late to hire someone that will spend unlimited time with your DS but someone who can spend even 5 hours with your family and helping your DS with his application will be invaluable. I also like the idea of applying to colleges that don’t require letters of recommendation.
I would not urge your son to use this as an essay topic. Colleges want to hear about what makes your son who he is and why they should like him. Is he a racist? They don’t want to hear that. Let the guidacne counselor address the issue. He can of course apply to top schools, but his chances are better at colleges suggested by others- those that are looking for high stats students.
It sounds to me as if the inappropriate name-calling was just the straw that broke the camel’s back and that the student may have had a history of low level offenses, including the hockey fight.
My kids went to a Christian high school that was fairly tolerant of stupid behavior (the senior who sawed the orange tip off his fake gun to make it look more real for a skit is a case in point–he got a one day suspension and failed the project the skit was for), but not of a long history of attitude problems. For example, the girl who repeatedly defied her teachers and called one a bitch was expelled.
If your son is the type who is always in low level trouble, that is more concerning than if he just did a couple of really stupid things. In the former case, I would address his reformation (when that occurs) in an essay, but in the latter, leave it to a guidance counselor.
Yes, given the reasons for the expulsion, your S has a chance of getting into a good 4 year college. He will have to apply to a wider range than he otherwise would. I’d also take advantage of opportunities to meet one on one with an admissions counselor at some of the colleges of interest and explain the situation to them. (It should be your S, not you, who does this.)
He was expelled 1/2 way through his second semester of his junior year. We enrolled him in our public school immediately after, and he finished his junior year at the public school with very good grades, with all the same AP classes.