<p>I hosted the reception for my sil and her hubby in my home. Her venue that was supposed to be done in time wasn’t, and we lived in another state. NONE of their friends RSVP’d to me, but managed to rent cars and book hotel reservations. The morning of the wedding when they showed up for the photos they were mentioning people to me who were at the hotel. I freaked - none of them rsvp’d and I didn’t order enough food from the caterer. For a small 50 person event we ended up having 80! I cried in the driveway on the way to the wedding and was a nervous wreck and pissed the entire day. Finally hubby told me if he had to he’d go pick up cold cut platters at the grocery store. A bunch of the food was wiped out and I ended up having all family members get on the back of the buffet line. In hindsight I should have made those who didn’t rsvp get on the back of the line by handing out the rsvp cards as the ticket to the buffet! lol </p>
<p>So strange! Do you think they mentioned to the bride or groom that they were coming and figured that counted as an RSVP? I guess the lesson learned is to contact everyone who hasn’t responded a week or two before the wedding.</p>
<p>Bromfield,
Hope she also told him that she’d be sure to tell all her friends who were getting engaged NOT to consider using him for any event. </p>
<p>Eyemamom. Someone said in another thread that the sign of someone with good manners is how they treated those exhibiting bad manners.</p>
<p>Your manners are impeccable. I salute you.</p>
<p>I’ve been to 2 Maggioni’s for rehearsal dinners, in different cities. At another affair, there was a hospitality suite, where platters were delivered. I had very few out-of-towners at son’s Bar Mitzvah, so had deli plates at my house. </p>
<p>I had to contact a whole bunch of people for the dinner we gave for the out-of-town guests. Mostly the guests who were the bride and groom’s age. Of course, they were very apologetic about having to be contacted. For the wedding, I actually had to contact some guests, too. One loopy cousin said, “Wait, there was something I had to send back?” :(( Another insisted there was no response card in with the invitation. Believe me, there was.</p>
<p>For the recent engagement party I made it easy for the young and old to RSVP - I gave an email and a phone #. Still didn’t hear form several of my S/future DIL’s friends. He’d emailed them for their addresses, so maybe they thought they had responded when he emailed them-- but the addresses he asked for were for the invitations- we handnt mailed them of provided the date at that point!! Grr.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the posts. I am just trying to educate myself.</p>
<p>@nettelling, It is not us who try to freak them out. If anything, it is them who try to freak us out (in a naughty way.)</p>
<p>One of their mutual friends, a young couple who were married and gave birth to a baby. They visited them together. Afterwards, DS sent us a picture in which his GF was holding the baby of that young couple. When he called us next time, he asked us whether we had freaked out. He said his (or their?) intention was to freak us out. We did not freak out. They just had a trip to another city a week prior to that. She was definitely not pregnant in the picture they took and sent us during that weekend.</p>
<p>Not sure who came up this mischievious idea. Hmmm…not sure whether she sent the same picture to her parents also with the same mischievous intention - it appears she is very close to her family. (Actually they have been together for just a few months, even though they have known each other for more than 3 years, as far as we know. We have not met her.)</p>
<p>“Suppose that there are 80 guests. How much would it cost for the rehearsal dinner + the breakfast the morning after?”</p>
<p>How can that possibly be answered? It’s like asking “I want to buy a house. How much will it cost?” Really, MCAT, you can do things inexpensively, lavishly or anywhere in between. </p>
<p>Mcat2, I think it depends what you are expected to do in your area/by your family. Talk to your S and the FDIL and see what they want, then bring them back to earth if necessary. You can set the budget. </p>
<p>When I married my folks paid for the rehearsal dinner as well as the wedding since my ILs were from abroad and had no idea what to do. The brunch the next day was sponsored by an aunt who generously offered to host. These events were for the out of town guests and were in restaurants. I can see having them just for members of the wedding and close family. I can also see having much more casual affairs if there are many people. Taking over a BBQ place or a Tex Mex spot would be fun. Is there a place that is meaningful to the couple and not expensive? </p>
<p>I have sons so I won’t get to do much most likely. Not that I would want to! </p>
<p>The honeymoon? In my family it is pay your own way and has been for generations. </p>
<p>@eyeamom, my sympathies! Not having enough food is my personal nightmare!</p>
<p>Sure and some families are huge and they “get together” for weddings and funerals. It is a very…big…deal. If I counted every single living blood family member of H’s and I in this country along with their spouses and along with first cousins of our kids the total is 11 people and H and I and our 3 kids are almost half of that 11. When my parents married the size was smaller yet and when my H’s mom and dad married the number was smaller again than in my family. I can’t even recall in the last decade when all 11 of us were in one place at one time…maybe if one of the boys gets married it will happen. It all depends on what the couple getting married is wishing for and can afford and how that fits with the family traditions. It’s all good, but there just isn’t anything cast in stone since brides were virgins given by their fathers to the new “man in their life” about what a wedding is or should be or who should do what. It’s up to the couple and their budget. Sort of like college - some parents pay alot, some parents pay what they can or want to and some parents don’t pay at all. I like hearing about weddings vicariously and I’ve been to a few that were well done and alot of fun. Generally they are all different and unique.</p>
<p>My daughter is getting married in just over a month. Maybe half the people invited have responded. (To be fair, the deadline to respond is 10 days away.) Next weekend I plan to create a list of those we haven’t heard from, divide it by who invited them (bride, groom, groom’s family, bride’s family) and, on the “deadline” have those people call and find out if they’re coming and which entree they would like. The caterer needs to know!! (and, honestly, I need to do table assignments and have those little cards made up and that takes time as well.)</p>
<p>Save money for a future wedding? I’m still trying to figure out how to pay for college… DH and I paid for our own wedding. I’m thinking that’s the route my kids are going to have to use. 
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<p>Good afternoon all!!! (and notice I am not saying…Good Morning Vietnam! I want to read this whole thread…later tonight. But I will give you the short preview or view pf a wedding that was interfaith (yes kosher/Orthodox to secular bring on the ham) is an interfaith wedding. A different view of what a wedding should be (we wanted small…they wanted huge)…but we were brought together by the need to reach the finish line/and the starting line.</p>
<p>The venue was terrific. They knew that the stresses here (including one parent who wasn’t permitted in) the stress level was high. I coped by letting mob call handle her vision…and (gulp) I gave up lots of control. The issuses were large, but the venue was GREAT. </p>
<p>We walked our son down the aisle (note: when this happens for you…take a second to look around and see the faces of your friends and family. The food was outstanding. Among the things that venue did…they had servers go to the entrances to the dance floor with glasses of ice water for everyone. </p>
<p>The worst offenders of decorum and being human came from…the boyfriend of a guest is a bigot. Oh…yeah…I didn’t hear what happened at our home until the next morning. I will just say that (as he started drinking heavily) I heard him start…Yes, those who know me won’t be surprised by this: I went to the woman we know and said, "I love you. I am sorry but…(I turned to the plus one and said…I remember that I started with :Listen you piece of pond scum…and then I don’t remember much except the last thing I said was…You have one choice…keep your mouth shut or leave.</p>
<p>My husband’s toast was the most memorable that I have heard. It was about our marriage and how this intermarriage made our family stronger and defined. </p>
<p>More…later.</p>
<p>For some reason it won’t let me edit, but for mcat’s benefit I would add that there is no obligation for anyone to give a post-wedding brunch, and in addition the rehearsal dinner traditionally includes only the people in the wedding party and their SOs plus immediate family; that is, both sets of parents, and perhaps grandparents and siblings who are not in the wedding party. It is certainly nice if people want to include the out-of-town guests et al, but it isn’t obligatory from an etiquette POV.</p>
<p>In my experience, the couple buys their own rings and pays for their own honeymoon. If the family wants to chip in, that’s nice of them. I think it used to be more common that the parents of the groom would chip in for the honeymoon because the only other thing they were paying for was a relatively modest rehearsal dinner. But things have changed in many ways. 
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<p>At our wedding 26 years ago, dh’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner, which was only for wedding party and immediate family at the reception hotel. Afterward, my in-laws hosted an Awesome party for the people at the rehearsal dinner and any out-of-town guests in this cool boathouse affiliated with the hotel. We were able to convince the hotel that we couldn’t possible use their (too expensive) catering because we had to have certain ethnic food the hotel couldn’t provide. We said we’d use their beverage service but would bring our own homemade food, which we did. It was awesome and not that expensive because a lot of use had just eaten. We played ethnic music, and one wonderful thing was that we got to see/meet a lot of family that night, taking the pressure off running around the reception to make sure we see everyone. It was really great, and I’d hope to do the same for my kids.</p>
<p>Good for you Bevhills for asking an out of control person to shut up or leave.</p>
<p>Also, remember that the bride and groom are likely to get money gifts that will help them start their lives together as married couple, including paying off the honeymoon!</p>
<p>In my social circles, the only money gifts the B&G would be likely to get would be from parents–and often not from them either. </p>