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What, they don’t have google so they could look it up if they didn’t know the significance of it? Even if it is just a party, if there is food involved and if you said you were going to be there then you should show up. The flip side is if you didn’t RSVP then don’t show up. It really isn’t that hard.</p>
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<p>I don’t know what happened there. I do remeber getting a couple of calls that I didn’t RSVP to their kids’ bar/bat mitzvah. I never received their invitations. USPS is reliable. They rarely lose my mail. A few lost mail in the same year is unheard of.</p>
<p>Maybe things are different where you live, Iglooo.</p>
<p>S1’s large wedding/reception was this past June. Two of the couples who rsvp’d yes and didn’t show were my H’s siblings. Ooe of them had sent the rsvp card back and his brother said they were coming when we called after he couldn’t be bothered to return the card. H gets defensive when I say his family has no manners. Really? Don’t think I’ll even waste my stamp when S2 gets married next summer.</p>
<p>Trying to maintain blood pressure while we wait for Bevhill’s update 
We did have pulled pork and brisket at our rehearsal dinner and it was great!</p>
<p>There’s no excuse for some people’s behavior, but trying to sell Mary Kay at a bar mitzvah may take the cake.</p>
<p>Wow–trying to sell Mary Kay??? What a nut job she was.</p>
<p>Re RSVPing–for my D’s wedding we invited 130 people (There were 5 people we knew wouldn’t show up, but we wanted them to get invitations, i.e., elderly relatives). The only folks who didn’t RSVP were single, male friends of my son-in-law. We waited till the last possible minute and then my son-in-law called them. All 5 said they were coming. Four said they forgot to RSVP. Plus one said he didn’t know he was supposed to respond (OK–maybe; he’s an international student from Greece working on a graduate degree in engineering.)</p>
<p>The post office being reliable is a function of location. I manage the office where I work and do a monthly newsletter. Every single month we get newsletters returned for “no such address”, “moved, no forwarding address” and “not able to forward” for people who have lived in the same place for decades. Others simply never get them. They are not returned, they just never show up. And this happens with first-class cards and letter too. My boss once found two full bags of mail rotting in the woods behind her home. If only 6 or 7 invitations went missing, I’d consider that a win.</p>
<p>“So help me out here. People are now hosting a wedding for everyone followed by a reception with food and drinks. Okay, that’s standard. They are also hosting a party the night before the wedding for almost everyone with food and drinks?”</p>
<p>Old news. I’ve been married 28 years as of yesterday and that’s what we did. Rehearsal dinner for all out of towners, which was all of H’s side and most of my side. Absolutely not a new trend at all. </p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I could not believe my eyes when I saw the line about Mary Kay! Wow.</p>
<p>Rehearsal dinners for the family and out of towners is a longstanding tradition. Commonly the parents of the groom pay for that. The new twist is to invite everyone that is also invited to the wedding. Heck if you are going o have all the people there the night before, why not just get married then 
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<p>Echoing Pizzagirl above. We hosted a dinner for all of the out-of-town guests the night before the wedding. (That was 80+% of the total wedding guests.) We also hosted a breakfast the morning after the wedding for all the hotel guests. This is the norm for my extended family. People were traveling from all parts of the country to get to my son’s wedding and we tried to make their lives as comfortable and pleasant as possible, by feeding them and busing them to and from the scheduled events. This might not be the norm for many, but in our circles, this is what we always have done. I am speaking from the perspective of the groom’s family which was the host for the dinner the night before and breakfast the morning after. We also happened to have paid for lots of the things surrounding the actual wedding, but that might be a bit unusual and just based on circumstance.</p>
<p>We did that for my D’s wedding–only a handful of guests lived at wedding destination. The rest of the guests from both sides were traveling and spending at least a day or two at the destination. We figured that the least we could do was provide food/drink. We had an informal pizza dinner for the bridal party on Thursday and anyone else who came early, the rehearsal dinner was for any invitee who was there on Friday, and then the wedding was on Saturday. On Sunday morning we had a breakfast for people who weren’t leaving early. We used the same venue on Thursday, Friday, and Sunday, which saved a bit of money.</p>
<p>Suppose that there are 80 guests. How much would it cost for the rehearsal dinner + the breakfast the morning after?</p>
<p>I just want to know roughly how much we likely need to save for these two events as groom’s family. Also, I guess the groom’s side will be responsible for the rings and the expenses for honeymoon, right? Will these two items together cost, say, $5000-$6000 or I underestimate it? (assuming that the young couple do not have any of money here.)</p>
<p>Are you referring to the events or rings and honeymoon? Groom would normally be responsible for the rings and honeymoon. The rehearsal dinner could be as expensive or as cheap as you want to make it.</p>
<p>Really, you can’t generalize. It really depends on where you are and what you want.</p>
<p>My aunt and uncle hosted a catered brunch in their suburban Connecticut home for the after-wedding brunch. I think it would have been much more expensive in a restaurant. But they had a good space for it; I would be hard-pressed to fit 15 people in my apartment in Brooklyn.</p>
<p>I had a memorial for my dad in a rented space and I spent $600 for the space and $600 for the food but it was very simple. We had around 40 people and lots of food left over. My daughter’s bat mitzvah in the Chinese restaurant cost around $7000 to the restaurant, with a buffet-cocktail hour followed by the service, followed by a sit-down dinner.</p>
<p>I’ve not heard if the parents buying the rings. We gifted a family stone to the engagement ring as was long promised but DS paid or the setting and will handle the honeymoon. We may contribute to it as our gift but there is no expectation that we would pay for it. Don’t many young couples these days wait until they are settled into careers and have some money saved up before marrying. It’s a bit risky to get married if they have no money. </p>
<p>As for the rehearsal dinner and Sunday breakfast, prices can vary widely depending on where you hold it and what you serve. The BBQ we will host will be considerably less than dinner at a fancy hotel. But it will , especially with wine/ bar be easily $50+ a person a we also have to pay the facility fee, set up/ tear down, etc. apparently they break out these charges at this facility. </p>
<p>We originally planned to host the immediate family and all out-of-towners the night before the wedding, but that would’ve been everyone (only some members of her immediate family live local to the wedding). Even though I wouldn’t expect that everyone will be there the night before, we didn’t want to have a 2nd wedding before the real wedding. Also, alot of the restaurants I’ve looked at can’t really handle that many people or we’d have to do it in a banquet facility which would really make it feel like a 2nd wedding. In consulatation with the bride and groom, we’ve come up with a guest list for the dinner that would include about 40-45% of the guests.</p>
<p>Mcat, you ask the most abstract questions! But for 80 guests you could have a very nice rehearsal dinner with wine, beer and non-alcoholic beverages at a moderately priced restaurant for about $4000-$5000 in most areas (incl tax and tip). You could do it on a more limited budget if you had to and could certainly spend much more than that for a lavish affair. </p>
<p>Most people will not come to the brunch the next day, and those who do will likely not eat much. You could do that for $500-$600 in someone’s home; or $20 a person at a restaurant or hotel. I hope your son’s girlfriend isn’t aware of all the wedding planning you are doing; it would likely freak her out.</p>
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<p>I think it depends on what your family traditions are. My H’s and my family (and our siblings and our parents) did very small, very private weddings that we each paid for ourselves. None of us (including our parents) got married in our hometowns because none of us were living in our hometowns post-college. I’d be surprised if any of our boys wanted a big blow-out wedding. But if they did and they wanted to come back to this state for it for some reason we’d probably do a barbecue at the house or some low-key thing for their out-out-town friends that could travel and that were at loose ends. I’ve done outdoor parties quite easily for 50-60 people and not spent a ton of money. There are many ways to be hospitable without all the hoo-haa of an actual rehearsal and a big rehearsal dinner at a restaurant or some sort of day after the wedding party. If they get married in another state of course we’d fly in for the wedding but I wouldn’t feel obligated to try and arrange and provide hospitality in another state and I doubt my H would go along with that. So few kids end up in their parents’ town to live anyway and then chances are they will meet someone not from the hometown just for starters. It feels like the luck of the draw to end up with a wedding in your actual hometown. </p>
<p>MCat–it’s really hard to generalize on cost because there are so many variables. Generally, the more that you hire others to do, the more it’s going to cost, but those costs are going to vary regionally and even in the same area you’ll find cost differences among caterers and venues.</p>
<p>We looked at two caterers for a breakfast brunch and for the same basic menu–jazz brunch type food (my H’s best friend from grad school is a jazz musician and he and his band played for the brunch)–one caterer was almost 50% higher than the other. </p>
<p>My son-in-law’s mother (who is Russian) wanted to have a Russian-themed rehearsal dinner. She interviewed a local caterer who said he could do Russian food, but really didn’t–he made two dishes that SIL’s mother says weren’t even close to authentic. SIL’s mother wound up hiring two Russian chefs from Boston to come to the venue and do the food. When the local caterer called SIL’s mother and learned that she decided to use a Russian chef from out-of-area, that caterer called my D and said he was going to report us to the health department because the chef wouldn’t qualify for a catering license in the area. My D (who is generally quiet and reserved) told the local caterer to go pound dirt. </p>