<p>We had a family member bring an uninvited guest to our wedding…despite being told repeatedly that this person was NOT invited. Didn’t matter. </p>
<p>Some people are just inconsiderate.</p>
<p>We always try to designate a troubleshooter for any party with over 100 guests, to deal with situations that arise that we didn’t anticipate as diplomatically as possible. It’s usually someone who has tact but can improvise as needed and is respected by the host/hostess and knows most of the folks at the reception table. They quietly confer with the troubleshooter and things are rapidly resolved without the host/hostess even knowing until after the event has happily ended. We did it for our wedding reception and every other event that we have a major role at. It keeps stress levels down and folks & works for us. If we aren’t the host/hostess, H and I are often the troubleshooters. Sometimes one of my sibs is.</p>
<p>If a person only goes to the rehearsal but not the wedding, is he/she considered as rude?</p>
<p>How about not going to rehearsal/wedding, and only asking others to take the gifts to the wedding? How “expensive” should the gift be for a student (UG or grad) who still does not his/her income? Will $50 or $60 be enough if they were college friends?</p>
<p>This (i.e., not going to the wedding) could happen when an older friend of a college kid gets married and it is not easy for the college kid to arrange a trip to an OOS city where the wedding ceremony takes place.</p>
<p>If people can’t or won’t come, I don’t see that as a problem. As long as they say they are not coming…</p>
<p>I expect some people who are invited won’t be able to make a wedding.</p>
<p>In our case, I expect 10 to 20 percent of the invites will decline.</p>
<p>One of our kids can’t attend a wedding that is near to,where we live…a friend of the kiddo. We are taking a gift to the family prior to the wedding. DS has already sent his regrets…but he has known this couple for a long time and wants to give them a gift. I’ve done very well finding what he wants to give them…at a reasonable price. The gift will be about $60 total.</p>
<p>@dstark and thumper1, Thanks for answering my questions.</p>
<p>For DS’s age, this could happen more often in the coming years.</p>
<p>At one time, he told us that he had gone to the rehearsal (of one of his close friends) but not the wedding itself. I found it odds. At that time, he was just graduated (the groom/bride were graduated one year earlier) and it seems it was a relatively small wedding at a church that happened close to where he lived. (Somehow the wedding was close to their college campus even though the bride’s family is far away, in Florida.) Not sure whether they had a second wedding at bride’s hometown.</p>
<p>I heard that for the rehearsal, one of the bride’s or groom’s friend is a good cook. And she prepared most of food for the event, with some friends’ help (DS was actually one of the helpers in the kitchen, as I heard.)</p>
<p>There’s no problem with people not attending a wedding as long as they RSVP. I can’t stand having to chase after people who don’t respond. And I can’t abide people who decide to bring uninvited people with them. S1’s fiancee wasn’t invited to a cousins daughter’s wedding. We were disappointed, but didn’t consider just bringing her anyway.</p>
<p>2 persons didn’t show up at my wedding that had RSVPd, husband and wife and wife went into labor.</p>
<p>We had several no-shows at the resent engagement luncheon. I was not happy. One couple late cancelled on my birthday party last year (also a not inexpensive event) for a ridiculous reason and then no showed. I am pissed. They will never be invited again.</p>
<p>The no shows better be in the hospital or dead. </p>
<p>Otherwise, they are a@@@@@@@.</p>
<p>I guess going into labor is a good enough excuse!</p>
<p>Lol! Yes… I was thinking more along the lines of emergency life saving surgery but labor is a good excuse.</p>
<p>I was warned to expect 10% late cancel/no show. They were right.I am out a lot of $$</p>
<p>Not that I am experienced, but this sounds good to me… Not that we are doing this.</p>
<p><a href=“http://m.bridalguide.com/planning/wedding-invitations-stationery/get-a-handle-on-your-guest-list”>http://m.bridalguide.com/planning/wedding-invitations-stationery/get-a-handle-on-your-guest-list</a></p>
<p>“Who’s invited to the wedding? Who isn’t? Here are common-sense ways to get your guest list under control.”</p>
<p>Jym626, I was thinking of low balling the number of people who will show up to the caterer. But what if they do show up?</p>
<p>They will prepare extra-- they always do. Its harder with a sit down, especially with assigned seats, but its doable to underestimate by a few.</p>
<p>Yes, we have always underestimated by 10% or so for a formal meal and if it turns out to be a bit more, the caterers have never had a problem. A bit extra is always prepared, “just in case.” It looks bad for the caterer if there isn’t enough food too. When you have 100s of guests, there is bound to be something that comes up (especially as your guests age)–someone in the hospital, someone in labor, someone who can’t get a sitter, unexpected business trip, etc.</p>
<p>We underestimated by 5%- should have done 10.</p>
<p>
Exactly.</p>
<p>At my wedding, there was a woman pregnant with twins…she gave birth the next day! </p>
<p>At my son’s bar mitzvahs, the rsvp’s were the absolutely worst part of all the planning. People rsvp’d and then called to change their rsvp. Whether they were coming and then not, or not coming and then were able to come…that part drove me crazy. I kept saying outloud to my H, “people: just make up your mind so I can get a proper count!”</p>
<p>I just realized since I have boys, I’ll probably not be taking care of the rsvp’s for their weddings. Yippee! ;)</p>