<p>“So, when the OP expresses values that create a more superficial society, we all suffer.”</p>
<p>I might agree if the OP hadn’t admitted she knew what she was feeling was wrong and she was trying to deal with it. I think people need to lighten up.</p>
<p>OP, I think you need to let go. Your D has her own life now and you are the “guest”. You can think what you want of her bf but I’d suggest you keep any negative opinions to yourself. She went to college and has a job. Your job as a mom has now shifted. If you want her to confide in you and tell you how she is thinking/feeling you’d better be nonjudgmental. Who knows, maybe she feels bf is just OK and might ASK for your opinion.</p>
<p>We all want things to work out perfectly for our kids. That is pretty normal. It’s the part where we have to keep our mouths shut when we think things won’t be perfect that is really, really hard … but really, really necessary. I remember being 100% sure my good friend was marrying someone who was completely & totally wrong for her. I shut my mouth, gave her my best wishes, and watched the marriage implode several years later. Because I never told her how I felt about him, I got to be her shoulder to cry on. I am
sure it is so very much more difficult to keep quiet when it’s your own child, but it is no less important than when it is a friend. </p>
<p>That, of course, is putting the cart before the horse. It may never get to the point of a serious relationship. I remember my mom once telling me how much she liked Boy A over Boy B. That made me want to be with Boy B, who was wrong for me in so many ways. (I later married Boy A … but it had to be MY decision, not Mom’s!)</p>
<p>By the way, I married a coworker. Best decision I ever made!!! </p>
<p>OP, I understand how you feel. Vent here, but keep it to yourself IRL.</p>
<p>Of course you’re not a terrible parent. You just desperately love your daughter, and want everything in her life to work out perfectly. I think you’re purely stressing out about the unknown, and will feel differently after you meet him. At least you might understand the attraction, and maybe you’ll like him quite a bit. I hope. It would be even more painful if you didn’t care for him. We just want that perfect person for our child, though at this point I’d be happy with any girl who is sweet, smart, and treats my sons well. Good luck!!</p>
<p>As far as it being somebody she works with, I wouldn’t consider that a problem, unless it was a boss/subordinate situation. Many people have co-worker relationships that work out just fine, as they have common interests and understand the pressure and scheduling issues of the jobs. As an adult, I haven’t dated a single person who wasn’t a pilot. Who else would I have dated? Nothing else would have made sense. I just don’t think that is something to worry about.</p>
<p>One life lesson my mother taught me was to NEVER bad-mouth anyone when there is any possibility of it coming back to bite you on the behind. Something you could regret for the rest of your life. </p>
<p>Even when my bf went thru a cruel divorce and I listened for hours on end for years on end about her dh doing her wrong, I never came down on him …just for the fact that if they ever got back together, she would hate me for saying those things. It was years, it was until she was over him and it was definitely over and even she was bad mouthing him that I finally was honest with her.</p>
<p>Our mds is engaged to a young lady with a background/heritage/upbringing that I never would have suspected he would ever be attracted to. But he is simply totally in love, she is mega sweet and loves him and I would never, ever even ask “are you sure?” He is 28.5 years old and it’s his life. As someone else said as long as s/he is a good person and not a criminal, abuser or drug user type, or a raving *****, LOL, then it’s a good thing.
JMO.</p>
<p>The days of sending women off to college to find a husband are over. The days of men earning more than women and being the sole “provider” are rapidly disappearing. The days of people getting married because they have to get married to be socially acceptable is a slippery slope. Be glad your D has a friend to date. Be happy that your D is working and establishing herself. Do not try to influence with whom she spends her free time.</p>
<p>The days our kids having kids are not over. I am expecting beautiful grandchildren.</p>
<p>^ unless your “kids” choose not to have children, or cannot have children and choose not to adopt. </p>
<p>I do not mean this to be morbid, or negative. Rather, that your adult children and their life partners will decide what is best for their families.</p>
<p>Your adult children may have already expressed their desire for children of their own, and in that case, you can likely look forward to “beautiful grandchildren.” 
All the best either way!</p>
<p>Nah. I want beautiful grandchildren.</p>
<p>^^ me too, but not for a long, long time.</p>
<p>hahaha! yeah :)</p>
<p>Grandchildren are a joy and you won’t know how much of a joy until you have one! However, as Kat points out, you just don’t know how things will work out with your children and their relationships. We know a family who had four children and thus hoped for many, many grandchildren. One daughter died in her 30s of cancer, one daughter and her husband couldn’t have children and chose not to adopt, one son never married, and the other son is gay and was shunned by the family. Unfortunately, for these parents, the only child who has children is the gay son who, with his partner, has three children born through a surrogate. Because of their treatment of him, he has nothing to do with his parents and thus, they have never met their grandchildren. It’s a truly sad situation, for all concerned. So, you just never know what the future may hold.</p>
<p>We all have our own issues to deal with, but it doesn’t mean they are always other people’s concerns. I still want beautiful grandchildren.</p>
<p>My mother recently became a great-grandmother again. The new baby is sweet natured, smart and loveable. She is not, however, beautiful. Which is slightly awkward sometimes. My mother doesn’t see well enough to notice, but my sister is extremely defensive. Some might call that poetic justice in light of my sister’s past actions.</p>
<p>All babies are beautiful.</p>
<p>No. All babies are not beautiful. They are all precious, but they are not all beautiful.</p>
<p>If you had ever seen this child’s parents you would understand. Hopefully, she will grown into her features.</p>
<p>Sounds to me like she sees just fine.</p>
<p>I’m with oldfort on this one. We want beautiful grandchildren–now! And all babies are!</p>
<p>We are so ready to be indulgent grandparents!</p>
<p>Garland and Oldfort- it will be worth the wait! Love being a grandma!</p>