<p>I’m sure there are just as many non-Asian parents that are really competitve, and many Asian parents that are not. Please do not generalize based on race. And I’m an Asian girl, and I usually get along with my parents fine. I rarely ever discuss grades with them, and they never really cared…because I always took care of myself. They care more about my everyday happiness and health. I’m really sick of seeing these questions asked about Asians as “neurotic” competitors all the time.</p>
<p>I love it that my dad did a yr at community and my mom didnt go to college until she retired, so they would be proud as long as I am working hard (in or out of school) and working on/toward something I love.</p>
<p>“It seems that most of the asian students i know have very low self esteem and don’t really talk to their parents about much other than grades/dont confide in their parents.”</p>
<p>no one on this board is ever going to admit he/she has low self esteem…</p>
<p>From my experience alot of the Asians at my school (NYU) seem to have very high self esteem…my roomate for instance (hes asian) is very cocky and we compete for everything from sports to the hot girls on our floor lol</p>
<p>One thing I do notice is that (maybe i am wrong) many asians tend to be very cliquey …I view that could be a result of low self esteem…</p>
<p>I’m Asian, and I would say I definitely have emotional conflicts at times. . .I’m maturing a lot this year. . .but it may be unfair to blame it all on my parents. Maybe I’m just nutty. Who knows?</p>
<p>we have had a total of at least five suicides in my school in the recent years, and all of them were asian.</p>
<p>lol i disagree wholeheartedly</p>
<p>my parents used to be really uptight about my schoolwork, now they don’t really care anymore. damn am i lazy now. i still haven’t finished my common app essay :(</p>
<p>I’m of asian/pacific islander decent and my parents are insane (haha, how typical of me). They’re ridiculously hard on me and treat my younger brother (he’s a junior, i’m a senior) with little care. Basically, it’s all riding on me because they gave up on him. I got a 2250 on the SAT and they screamed at me cuz their friend’s daughter got a 2270. I got a 91 in AP Physics , they yell at me for not making a 95. </p>
<p>I’ve had close to ten big spats with them all year (today was another). They used to be extremely good at making me cry by yelling endlessly at me about friends and the significant other(who is half asian, but apparently that isn’t good enough and my mom refuses to acknowledge him) and how I wasn’t going to ever get into college(I’ve been accepted to the University of Pittsburgh and Baylor U…waiting on others) or achieve my career goal. However, during the last year, I’ve been able to turn the tables on them because I learned that I could hurt them more my own ways by manipulating my future to what I want opposed to what they want… I guess I’m a little emotionally scarred but my parents are only getting what they deserve.</p>
<p>“Bow down before the one you serve. You only get what you deserve”.
-Head like a hole, Nine inch nails.</p>
<p>Well, I actually do confide in my parents about a lot of things besides school, but I do feel depressed/inferior most of the time…</p>
<p>Well, I guess there’s a lot of people who were offended by the original post but I consider it to be true…</p>
<p>Asian parents are definitely crazy elitists. But, I think it’s more that they want their children to have better lives than they did than anything else… I’m asian and my parents are rediculous, but that’s because from their point of view, the only way they know to the path off success is hard work and academic excellency. Asian people are a disadvantaged minority in almost every aspect of life; let’s be frank, asians in today’s “integrated” world are still heavily discriminated against, and the only way they can rise above that is by using their minds to gain ground against “oppressors” - its the only tool that any one can use to control their fate. Self-esteem and such are different cases with different people. Any thickskinned individual will obviously be unfazed, but anyone who cannot handle the pressure will crack. </p>
<p>And please, what’s wrong with generalizations? They are generalizations for good reason.</p>
<p>I think that in the end, we should all remember that our asian parents, however crazy, want the best for us. many asian parents have had a lifetime of struggle and are still struggling to succeed and fulfill the “american dream”. many are too old now to continue fighting, and thus their only hope lies with their children. </p>
<p>I have a lot more to say… but I’ll save it for another time.</p>
<p>I think my negative relationship w/ my dad is more so do to him being a pretty die-hard achololic drunk…when he gets himself drunk hard every night I just lock my door and hope he doesnt come in</p>
<p>personally however the diff. between me and my parents is that they are ignorant about the whole process of life, partially because they failed life themselves even though they could have suceeded much better. As such, they keep trying to push me down the same ■■■■■■■■ path even though I know what I desire in life and my destiny in life much better than they do.</p>
<p>I’m Korean and I feel pretty comfortable talking to my parents about most subjects. They do care about me having a good future but they leave most of the decisions to me and I think it really does help me teach self-responsibility. I know, however, that this is far different from typical Asian parents.</p>
<p>excellence lol</p>
<p>I consider my relationship with my parents to be pretty healthy. Sure, we talk about grades, but even for them, it gets old, and after eleven years of good grades, they just trust me to keep them up because they know it’s just as important to me as it is to them now. Lately, it has been college, college, college, but at this point in time, right before apps are about to go out, I don’t think that’s exclusive to Asian families. </p>
<p>It is true that I keep some things from my parents. I don’t tell my mom about my newest crush because she’ll just get super paranoid and tell me I’m too young to date. That’s the way is been for her, my grandmother, and my great-grandmother. Now, you focus on your studies, then on your job, then on dating/marriage. It’s just a cultural difference, and not necessarily a bad one. I mean, I suppose it’s good to get some experience, but really, how many high school relationships turn out well, anyway? Most of the people at my school who date at this age eventually end up with straight D’s and spend their afternoons smoking pot in the south lot. :/</p>
<p>Correct me if I’m wrong, but in most Asian cultures, there is a lot of weight put on respecting your elders, which sorta limits intimacy sometimes. You don’t really argue, don’t really question authority. Such a setup doesn’t really favor a lot of discourse, you know?</p>
<p>I don’t know. It’s not a bad relationship, just a different one.</p>
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<p>Not necessarily. The valedictorian at my old school who went to princeton was pretty popular with the ladies. Same goes for a lot of my friends who attend Duke, USC, Darmouth, Cornell, Columbia, ivies. Oh yes, and there’s this friend of mine with 2 drug felons who attends USC but was accepted to Dartmouth and Northwestern as well. Personal life doesn’t necessarily interfere with academics if you can balance things well. And it’s up to the people involved to manage relationships later on. Some people are just bad at relationships with people.</p>
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<p>I suppose so. It’s actually a huge problem for me. My father, who is a neurologist, doesn’t allow me to even oppose his views. I bring up valid points to argue against him and he only shoots back at me with the “Don’t disrespect your elders” s***. Which has caused me to lose almost all respect for him because he can’t respond to my arguments. Same goes for my mother. How am I supposed to have respect for them if they keep pulling the same respect card? I’ve grown tired of it and it only shows me they can’t think of anything intelligent enough on the spot to respond intelligently back to me. They will not even listen to my points. How can I respect them when they have no concern about my views?</p>
<p>Jesus Christ, overstressssed, your parents sound insane. I’m Asian and my parents don’t even know what the hell Ivy League schools or SATs are. Haha</p>
<p>Duper is the luckiest person alive.
My parents made me overstressed. Therefore I live up to my name lol</p>
<p>Life gets better once you’re in college because for the most part you can live it on your own terms. Chances are you won’t be as well-adjusted and ready to cope with all the changes as other students with normal childhoods are, but at least your parents won’t be around to berate you for your failures or throw things at you every single night. That makes everything at least somewhat easier to handle, and if it gets tough there’s always counselors and the like on campus. It can be hard, though, to reach out to people, either to socialize or to get help, if you grew up with difficult parents. I know my parents have made me tremendously unconfident (I was the perfect student in terms of grades and test scores in high school, so they concentrated on criticizing my personality and character, constantly telling me I had personality problems or didn’t have any friends, or making fun of the way I looked or walked or talked, etc). Low self esteem from insensitive parents can lead to a lot of problematic behaviors, so it’s essential to try to fight it. Pursuing your own interests and passions can be tremendously empowering, so take advantage of your newfound freedom. (Unless your parents are like mine and forbid you from participating in your favorite extracurricular activities at college. Grr!)</p>
<p>Since I got to college my relationship with my parents hasn’t improved (in fact we’re much more distant now, which is fine because I don’t really care for them) but my life and my other personal relationships have gotten better. It certainly helps that my parents aren’t always around me. When I’m at home they don’t seem to consider it productive parenting until they succeed in eliciting tears and depression through whatever means possible. Because they were never any good at parenting (they’re not bad people, they just don’t know any better, though that doesn’t make it any easier to live with) I am jealous of just about every person I meet here. I’m fine with barely ever seeing my parents, but some of my classmates seem to be so eager to go home at the end of the semester. I wish I could feel the same way. Also, sometimes when I’m stressed or have other problems, I wish I had my parents to confide in (some people seem to be really close to their parents and can talk to them about their lives), but that’ll never happen. The important thing is not to let it get you down. Be thankful for the support your parents are giving you and try to keep your emotions safe and away from them. There’s always friends to talk to and that helps.</p>
<p>I am a Vietnamese and a high school sophomore. I have just moved into the USA for a year and a half, that means everyone in my family is of the first generation, on the basic.
I do confide with my mom about the education system and now she knows everything about GPA, SAT, PSAT, national merit and other things, even Model UN.
My mom checks my grades every six-week and I am fine with her so far.
I don’t have any kinds of low self-esteem and she doesn’t hit me by anything. I just don’t confide everything to her because I don’t think that is necessary.</p>
<p>My mom, like many other Asian parents doesn’t care about sports, doesn’t help me with my homework(even in when I was little) like my American friends’ parents. But that makes me become more independent.
Anyway, she doesn’t have the same dreams as I do and I haven’t made her disappointed seriously so far, so she always feels safe with me and sometimes nearly indifferent about my life. So probably, when I go to college, I will just enjoy my college life and work hard. My mom is quite active and, I must say, somewhat playful, she will goes everywhere, so I will just need to call her sometimes.
My father, in fact, always takes academics as the most important things ever. But my parents have already divorced so I don’t have to suffer him like I did before. Instead, I am putting on myself pressure. It has been a long journey. People whom I love had passed away without saying farewell to me because of my living so far away.I think this is the time for me to be mature and think about people who have always been supported me for such a long time to work hard. And I guess that’s why my mom feels safe with me because I am even more traditional than she is =))</p>
<p>^That’s awesome that you have a good relationship with your mom. I hope it continues through high school as you grow up, change, and seek more independence and freedom (personally, socially, and academically). My relationship with my parents got really really bad when I was in 11th/12th grades.</p>