<p>My D’s been gone a month now and I am happy to report that she is having a great time at school. I too am enjoying the peace and quiet, no more crashing around at 2:00 am or worrying where she is, and if the car will make it home. The grocery bill has dropped substantially and the wife cannot believe how little washing there is to do. I do miss her - but overall it seems to be a good experience for all of us. How is it for you empty nesters out there?</p>
<p>Not quite an empty nest here…my SIL has moved in with us; she has mental retardation and phobia issues…we do get a taste of it when other family members take her off our hands, though. For us, no changes in the bills or washing (DD has done her own wash for quite some time, now); if anything the phone bill has spiked! It’s very quiet, I don’t know if I actually like it or not!</p>
<p>Freshman S (only child) is “launched” BIG TIME. Adjusted, involved, independent and OOS. A batch of brownies occasionally and a (very) few calls and sporatic emails back and forth seem to be working just fine for everyone.</p>
<p>Monday a week ago, we started the landscaping project at chez Empty Nest we’d been putting off during the junior/senior years of private HS. I just love merit scholarships.</p>
<p>W/o a cross-country meet every weekend, I’ve had time to set up weekend morning coffee BS sessions with buddies my age.</p>
<p>Miss him, but it is sort of like I remember when I was the student. I know he’s out there and think about him off and on, but the space to grow is necessary for all.</p>
<p>LIFE is Good!</p>
<p>Livin’ la Empty Nesta? Oh baby, it is too too dolce.</p>
<p>I’m never home before 8 at night–the list of classes, events, lectures and friends to see just gets longer and longer. When did I last feel like this? Oh yeah–my early twenties!</p>
<p>Loved those boys, loved family life but I must have been ready for this stage of life.</p>
<p>Okay, I’ll be a downer. I’m miserable with oldest son away at college. Life at home will never be the same. I know it’s supposed to change, and heaven knows he’s happy at college, but we’ve lost something very special. Will I feel differently in three years, when his sister leaves us as well and we’re officially empty nesters? I imagine, I’ll feel a lot worse. I like having them around and I really don’t like quiet. Those happy now, did you feel the same when your first left?</p>
<p>I echo BurnThis’s sentiments. I don’t like it!</p>
<p>The half-full set said:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The half-empty set said:</p>
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</p>
<p>If you were your S or D, which would you rather hear as a report from mom or dad?</p>
<p>The house is quiet, the rooms are clean, life is a little less full or energy- now it is up to me to try to recall what fascinating hobbies I had before the kids came along, those hobbies and interests I had to give up when I had kids. The problem is 20+ years have passed, I have had such a blast enjoying my kids, especially their teen years & sports teams, I cannot recall what I did before and am sort of starting from scratch.</p>
<p>I definitely miss my kids presences, but I would always want to give them the glass half full parent presentation, though sometimes I feel like the glass half empty parent.</p>
<p>I think I mourned the most when it was the 2nd half of grade 12 year, all the lasts happening. I was so aware of each last being the last time and aware that I would miss those activities in my life. By the time D left, I was psyched up and ready for it, but it is still less exciting and interesting.</p>
<p>I am now determining my new interests and finding new friends- funny how it was all the parents of teammates for so many years, as that is the only other adult contact there was time for! Now I can make new friends anywhere, but like my D going away to college, I have to acknowledge it will take time to make new best friends (we moved after HS)</p>
<p>D went back to school yesterday after the Columbus weekend at home-- first year, first visit. It was a WONDERFUL weekend. She has begun to blossom into an amazing person and it was delicious to be with her. She spent a lot of time with a couple of other friends who were home for the weekend and with current HS senior friends who are living the “process” now and she was sweet with them-- so they all said. Yes, I cried when she went back, but it was a lot better than it was five weeks ago, and to hear her great stories and see how wonderful she is doing and how happy she is-- it was great. About me-- it’s still hard. But about her-- nothing could be better. I feel very lucky because I know that others are having a harder time. It’s a very mixed emotional roller coaster. I’m still learning…</p>
<p>BurnThis - The first one to go is the hard one. It gets easier.</p>
<p>I’m good with life, but I do seem to be wasting a lot of food! It’s hard to finish some of this food with only 2 people eating.</p>
<p>When first one left, it gave number 2 her only chance at being the “only child”. I must be the only mom on the planet who didn’t cry when her older child left for college (or the younger one for that matter). Don’t get me wrong…I REALLY do miss my kids, but I don’t miss the “stuff”. When they come home, we have a terrific time and it’s so nice to have them here as they become young adults. It’s different, but I like the quiet, having the food in the fridge when I go to cook it, lower utility bills, much lower food costs, gas in the car…oh…and a car to use, and being able to come and go without worrying about what the kids need or are doing. </p>
<p>Weenie…freeze the half of the food you don’t eat!!!</p>
<p>My powers of separation are probably pretty darned high. </p>
<p>I loved family life. Couldn’t get enough of it when it was happening so I don’t think I’m missing a ‘mommy’ chip. But I had absolutely no problems letting the first one go out the door. Are you kidding? What an absolute ball he’s had in the last four years! I mean, I remember HIGH SCHOOL. Yawn. It wasn’t the highlight of my life–or his.</p>
<p>H had more trouble than I with the first one leaving , but he’s well and truly caught up. He shivers when we visit friends who waited until their late 30s to start having children. He giggles when we hear about teens gone off the rails. Halleluia! We made it past that point!</p>
<p>We’re off for a quick business trip tomorrow and an overseas excursion for the weekend. </p>
<p>*Upside, inside out she’s livin la empty nesta
She’ll push and pull you down, livin la empty nesta
Her lips are devil red and her skin’s the color mocha
She will wear you out! livin la empty nesta! Come On!
Livin la empty nesta, Come on!
She’s livin la empty nesta. *</p>
<p>Gee, 07dad, thought it was okay to post my feelings here. Personally, the cup is nearly all empty for me – I liked being a fulltime mom and having my kids come home at the end of the day and tell me about their day. I was sad when he learned to drive because I missed out on the hour long ride home where I’d get the scoop. But I’m posting that here to give another person’s perspective and to hear how other people have dealt with this. I do not burden my S with my sadness that he’s no longer around for Survivor Thursday – nor do I insult him with my happiness that I have less laundry to do and that his room’s never looked cleaner!
Weenie, Glad to hear it gets better after the first!</p>
<p>My D and I are quite close, so I worried a lot over how I was going to feel when she departed for an OOS school. Six weeks later, I’m delighted to report that my husband and I are having a great time (D is our one and only). We miss seeing our D, but we do <em>not</em> miss the late-night phone calls saying she’ll be late (as much as we appreciate that she made them). I work from home, and I love being able to concentrate on work past 3 or 4 p.m. because D won’t be coming home needing to talk about something. </p>
<p>That said, my husband and I are going to see her this weekend for Parents’ Weekend and I can’t wait.</p>
<p>I think I am having delayed feelings, last year youngest S went to college, missed him, was initally sad, but oldest S still lived here, though he wasn’t around a lot I was ok. This year after taking youngest S to college have been very depressed and oldest S is moving out next week to a nearby town. I haven’t been able to get myself into anything, even though there is plenty to do. Btw, I DO NOT burden either S with my sadness, who wants to call home and hear that! I really did love being a mom and I enjoyed all of their activites. I’t like I’ve been retired and haven’t found my “second” career.</p>
<p>Burn- I am with you on the car thing, I really enjoyed my Ds year with a learner’s license, and noticed the chats we missed by not being trapped in the car. Great conversations in the car.</p>
<p>I was not so very sad when my oldest left, she is so independent and so wanted to go, I really made the effort to be happy and was kept busy with younger sibs. D2 was high maintenance and the hole in our lives quite noticeable when she left, but I knew it was coming and was actually sadder in her last months of HS than when she went. </p>
<p>With all the phone calls home about roommates, etc, I did not feel bereft of use to her, but I do love it when the house is full and all the kids are home. </p>
<p>Nothing wrong with missing them and the energy and vitality they bring to our homes, nothing wrong with rediscovering old or finding new interests and hobbies. It may take some longer than others to find the new joy in being alone.</p>
<p>Somemom, I could have written your post. I don’t know what I did before children–and what I can remember doing doesn’t sound appealing to me now at 50.</p>
<p>BurnThis, I did okay when 1st one left–missed him terribly–couldn’t wait for breaks. When #2 left, it left a bigger hole, but I was so involved with volunteering at school and traveling to ball games, that the time was taken up. Also, youngest son and I got much, much closer those two years he was only child.</p>
<p>Now, #3 is starting is junior year at college and it still feels like the house is dead unless one of the kids is home. In two weeks I will have all 3 here for one night!!! Yea!!! </p>
<p>I know I should “get a life”, but somehow it seems to be avoiding me,lol.</p>
<p>Burnthis, if you need a shoulder, PM me!!</p>
<p>Yup, I had all three home for dinner one night this week, and whilst the time together was only a few hours, my heart was swollen with emotion all day in anticipation and I loved every minute of it. I adore watching them laugh together.</p>
<p>What helps me is thinking how my son would feel if he HADN’T gone away. If I could have held onto him longer, he’d be miserable. He so much needed to go, just as I did at that age. But I still like seeing my parents and I think our son will enjoy visiting us. I LOVE not worrying about him out driving late at night. I’m trying to take the half-full approach, though it isn’t always easy. My happiness for him so far overrides every other feeling. But of course, I miss him. </p>
<p>For his graduation party, I made a big display of photos of him through the years, all in costume–he’s always loved dress-up and make-believe. It’s still in our dining room, sort of a shrine, like in Meet the Fokkers. Should I hide it when he comes home?</p>
<p>Yep, I can identify with the lower grocery bills and fewer wash loads. The house is pretty much the same, since my husband and I aren’t staying home to clean it. We have been more active doing things we want to do with no regard to another’s feelings. I’ve seen more movies since son went off to college nearly two months ago than all of last year. We drove down to see him for parents weekend and he seems okay. We hear from him every day. Maybe he misses us or maybe he is just one of those kids who calls a lot. So far so good.</p>