<p>We are in to year 2 of empty nest–and enjoying it more! Last year at this time, I had mixed feelings of sadness and joy. I spent the first “semester” just trying to pick up and organize years of small projects that I had put off for “when he goes to college!” The “second” semester was spent doing some affordable house projects. Then he came home for the summer for an internship. It did not seem to interrupt our lives too much. In fact, it was really great having him home. But, it was time for him to begin year 2. So far this year, it seems that I have had the pleasure of travelling with husband on trips out of town for seminars. And, I might add, some of those have been last minute, I think I will go, trips! Yes, I still have projects left over from last year, but I am now thinking along the lines of what I want to do! Oh, and son will be home in a couple of weeks for fall break (can’t wait!) and then for almost a month between semesters. I guess I really try not to think too far ahead of time–which is nice, for once!!</p>
<p>Bethievt, your post made me laugh. Maybe that is what I need–a shrine for each of them, lol.</p>
<p>notre dame, perhaps I should go along on some of husband’s trips. I haven’t done that since before—well ever! It always just seems like such a hassle–line up someone to take care of animals, water plants, get mail, stop paper…Guess I’m lazy!! I worry about being so bored when he is tied up in meetings all day and evening…</p>
<p>mkm56-next week I’m going to Charleston with him! When he’s not in the seminars, he plans to visit the local cigar shops. Not me, I will be touring and seeing, shopping as much of Charleston as I possibly can. We will meet up for dinner! Not to steal the thread, but I sort of felt the same way as you, but minus the college kid, life is great and arrangements are made for all the other stuff! I am making up for lost time–trips to San Diego, Washington, etc. that I missed!!</p>
<p>I’m travelling more with my husband too. I love to go to museums and see new places. We have no pets, I get a neighbor to water plants, we read the paper on-line and holding mail is easy. The shrine takes care of itself–blow out all candles before you leave.</p>
<p>I’ve read this thread with interest. Some people have expressed mixed feelings, but it seems with most they feel one way, positive, or another, negative. I really am mixed. I agree with other posters who’ve said that the second half of the senior year of HS is actually harder than the leave taking. My first D left in August, is almost 3,000 miles away. The younger D is a sophmore in high school and I’m actually really enjoying this time right now. Older D is very independent, it was time for her to go, and what’s really wonderful is she’s so happy where she is. She (and I) found HS and the whole college process so stressful, we’re both so glad it’s over. Younger D is more easy going and my husband and I not only have more time together we as a threesome are having a nice time, in spite of her having a normal 10th grade social life. The shadow over all this is I now know how quickly the next 3 years go, and I am already dreading it when she leaves. Right now my life feels nicely balanced with work, friends, time with H and lots of time with D and I know when she leaves the new and more challenging balancing act will begin.
And I agree with Burnthis, all feelings are allowed to be expressed here, that’s what it’s for!</p>
<p>Burn this and srw,
I’ve been forcing myself to make new connections, take classes and get more involved at my church. It helps to talk. PM me any time.</p>
<p>07Dad, I don’t believe I said that I told my son my feelings. Not sure why you would take a pot shot at people expressing honest emotions.</p>
<p>I’m years away from an empty nest (our youngest is in 6th grade), but I don’t know if our marriage will survive an empty nest. I’ve known quite a few couples who have divorced 1-3 years after the youngest left home and I can totally understand why.</p>
<p>Yeah, missypie, I think it is easy for life to feel empty when the kids are gone and to wonder what you used to find interesting about life and about each other. We have to make an effort to reconnect on an adult level and not just expect it to be easy.</p>
<p>I have seen quite a few divorces of my Ds friend’s parents when the kids left for university- is it because they just stayed together until the kids were gone or did they decide after their kids left they had nothing in common??</p>
<p>I knoe the kids seem to be really bugged by it- they are out of the house, but they really like knowing there is a stable family “rock” at home they can use as a touchstone.</p>
<p>Most of you probably didn’t pollute your brains with watching “Love American Style” back in the 70s…but if you did…there was an episode where a daughter comes back from her honeymoon to find her parents already quite happily divorced…they’d been waiting for years for the moment she was married to get a divorce and were thrilled!</p>
<p>Well, DAD07 just made an obeservation about the degree of optimism as a predictor of happy empty nesters. Fair enough.</p>
<p>There seem to be two other factors–the state of our ‘ancient’ marriages LOL and the level of enjoyment in current work.</p>
<p>missypie and cheers</p>
<p>If one views their own life, marriage and parenting as a process of adventure, growth, change and discovery, and fully and gladly share it with their spouse, kids, friends and extended family there is no “empty life,” “empty marriage” or “empty nest.”</p>
<p>If you live only for and through your kids, you have put all your eggs in one basket and, when they hatch and fly away, “empty life, marriage and nest.”</p>
<p>**cheers **Your are right about my view on optimism. Life is always full.</p>
<p>Well said, O7DAD. I agree completely.</p>
<p>I guess I also see how parents approach the “Empty Nest” as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you see it has a wonderful new journey, it will be. If you don’t, well . . . </p>
<p>(Of course, many do need some time to “mourn” the loss of their prior life, and that’s okay too).</p>
<p>What a seesaw! On the downside, the house is so empty - not only did DD leave us in August, but my real baby (our 12 year old Bischon) died in July. So I’m like Cheers - leave at 6:30 am and don’t get home until 8 or later. </p>
<p>On the upnote, I’m taking back my life. I’m job-hunting to upgrade my career and have reactivated other interests - church, bookclub, swimming. The best is working with a local chapter of my sorority - spending time with the college girls is really theraputic. H and I are planning a trip to Chicago - it’s so strange to be able to just pick up and go with no one to worry about except the bird.</p>
<p>D was home for “fall break” this weekend and the house was once again filled with her and her friends. The cooking and laundry never felt so good as it did this time. I suppose there’s something to be said for balance.</p>
<p>This is our second year and it’s going well! Although it’s hard for me to believe that I still post on these boards!
For those of us who are married, I think the health of the marriage is really important in determining how we react to an empty nest. In our case, I feel like as a couple, we had good “training” when our son was in high school and no longer wanted to hang with us. We found our own things to do together, including long hikes, watching movies, following sports, going to restaurants, and hanging out with friends. Even though we still have our own lives, we bonded again after years of being distracted by all those parenting activities. And it really helps now that our son (our one and only) is in college. Some of our friends who are close to being empty nesters seem to be on a different road. They never hang out together, and don’t seem to have any common interests. Now, that must be rough…when you’re staring at each other and asking…“What Now?”</p>
<p>Some people are fortunate to have a real love match and others are just a couple of people engaged in the common enterprise of raising the kids. When the task is over, it might be time to move on. Think of it like a cross country bike ride with a friend. Some pairs might not make it all the way across the country. Others make it, but resent each other for things that happened along the way. Others make it, but don’t really want to hang out together afterwards. And finally, a few make it, and have a delicious bonding experience that lasts a lifetime.</p>
<p>It seems to me to be perfectly normal and natural to mourn the loss of your children to the world. For me, it’s important to own the sadness, live with it for a while and then move on. I think saying that those of us who feel this way are people who live through our children is no different than saying that those who do not feel sadness are glad to see their children leave - both are enormous over-generalizations and undoubtedly untrue.</p>
<p>I was a stay at home mom and it really has been difficult–not to say I am sitting around depressed, whining, in a puddle of tears–it is like suddenly loosing your career that you lived and worked in 24/7 for 25 years. </p>
<p>Now for my husband, it is not a big deal. He still works in his chosen field (about 60-80 hours/week) and then plays golf on any off time. And this is what he did before they left home. So no big change in his daily life.</p>
<p>I have tried numerous things since all the kids left. First year taken up with projects–attic and basement cleaned out, bathroom redone, closets reorganized and sorted, etc, etc. The new hobbies really haven’t held my attention and after being out of job market for 25 years–that doesn’t even seem like an option. Who wants to hire a 50 year old with “Mom” down on her resume for the last quarter decade? Plus, I do want to keep my time flexible so that I can go when I want.</p>
<p>I loved raising the children and am glad that I have all those times and memories, but I sure do miss it!</p>
<p>Hey, no judgements here. Don’t forget that the world is more balanced with the pessimists voicing hteir opinions . Most of the world’s best writers and comics are darkly pessimistic. We optimists would be drunk with naivete if it weren’t for the pessimists!</p>
<p>Hang in there mkm56–I feel exactly as you do. Haven’t found that hobby yet and I am about to get the house like I want it. I, too, want the flexibility as I mentioned in an earlier post to travel. I guess at this point, I am using those empty moments to reflect and think thru about what I might want to do next-more volunteering, an exercise class, taking a class (foreign lang. or hobby related), etc. I have even thought about piano lessons, but we would have to purchase a piano. I am not going to jump into something too quickly, tho! Yes, I do miss the “raising the children” times, also!!</p>