<p>DS, (who is 25) has been invited to an engagement party, hosted by the groom’s parents. He was quite close to the happy couple in college and has maintained that friendship from afar. (They live on opposite coasts.) He asked me if he was supposed to take a gift to the party. I said, ‘no’…Now, I’m not sure I gave him good advice. Apparently gifts at engagement parties are quite common. I’d hate for him to be embarrassed by showing up to the party empty-handed if others will be taking gifts. Do couples register for engagement party gifts these days? I usually have etiquette-related topics under control, but I’m feeling a bit unsure about this.</p>
<p>When we have been invited to engagement parties, we have NOT purchased things off the registry. We usually get a bottle of champagne or wine, or a box of nice chocolates as a gift.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this is de rigeur for an engagement gift, but what about getting them a gift card to a favorite restaurant? It doesn’t have to be the gift card type establishment either, any restaurant you call will be happy to take your money and make out a gift receipt in someone’s name. We usually do that for our parents’ anniversaries. </p>
<p>We were required to buy a gift from an engagement registry (close family) and I was not happy knowing that in a few short months we would be buying a substantial gift from the wedding registry…I read on The Knot that it is increasingly becoming more common to have an engagement registry. If your S has not been informed there is one, then perhaps a bottle of champagne so as not to arrive empty handed.</p>
<p>In my area, engagement parties (if held) are in addition to showers and the preferred gift is something in an envelope. Registry gifts are given for the shower and money, again, for the wedding.</p>
<p>I refuse to bow to the “something in an envelope” thing. Luckily, it hasn’t come up in a long time. We aren’t invited to many weddings. Only family events, and we have a small family.</p>
<p>But a few decades ago when I worked in NJ, secretaries at the company would have engagement parties with 150+ people that were more elaborate than a lot of weddings, and I gathered that registry gifts on the order of what I would consider a wedding gift were expected. Then there would be showers, and then the wedding and the envelopes. Often this was a process that took 2+ years, and netted the couple quite a haul.</p>
<p>OP, it might be easier to guess if you would share the ethnicity and general location of the groom’s parents. :)</p>
<p>Clearly, there are geographic and custom differences. I had never heard of a gift table until I came to CC, and there wouldn’t be anything left from a registry by the time a wedding arrives – with everything having been purchased for shower(s). However, engagement parties aren’t universal at all.</p>
<p>I’ve never seen a gift table, either. But if you read Father of the Bride, which was published in 1949, and other fiction of the pre-war era, one gathers that even in the sort of family that would shudder at monetary gifts it was at one point customary to display all of the wedding gifts at the parent’s home. </p>
<p>In my birth family (as opposed to my community, which is aligned in custom with my husband’s family/ethnicity), we sent gift-gifts (rather than money) to the home, but there was no display table at the reception.</p>
<p>Regarding post 4…you are NEVER obligated to buy anything off of any registry. Ever. It is up to the gift giver to choose a gift, and it does not need to come off a registry even for showers or weddings. If someone told you that a gift off of an engagement registry was required, that is beyond rude.</p>
<p>We attended two engagement parties these past two weekends. One of them, we are not invited to the wedding - the couple wants a real small affair and the engagement party was thrown by his parents who are our friends. I was going to give them a gift card, but was able to find their wedding registry and just get them something from that instead. Didn’t see a gift table at the party - so don’t know what others did. The second - we are going to the wedding in a couple of months. I went ahead and ordered something from their wedding registry, nothing for the engagement. I did see several folks (most who are not invited to the wedding) drop off envelopes at the gift table. We did end up going early and leaving late at the second party - help setup and breakdown after the party was over.<br>
One gift is plenty - didn’t think we needed two gifts - one for the engagement and another for the wedding.</p>
<p>The last engagement party we attended, for my H’s niece, included info about the gift registry with the invitation, which I thought was pretty tacky, especially since every invitee was also invited to the wedding. Since we would be attending the wedding and would give the newlyweds a cash gift, I purchased something modest from the registry. I would never attend any party completely empty handed unless the invitation specified no gifts. The same bride put me on the invite list for her shower, but I declined the opportunity to give her a third gift. Actually, this was her second marriage, and we had already provided a substantial gift for the first wedding, so the blatant gift grab really rankled.</p>
<p>Yes, that was tacky of your H’s niece, and especially with it being her second wedding. What was on the gift registry that she didn’t get for or buy at some point after her first wedding? </p>
<p>Sometimes (and probably more often than it’s admitted to) it is all about the gifts/$.</p>
<p>We have gone to 4 engagement parties in the last year. My son’s and future dil said no gifts on the invitation. As her mother (who gave the party) said no gifts…there will be plenty of time for that later. But yes,we showed up with the wine for the party, and a small but nice gift for the kids. And yes they received a few things…like a single malt…and a few things.</p>
<p>One engagement party was a truly elegant party for 125 people. (This was nicer than most weddings.) I brought a house present and an engagement gift.</p>
<p>The other two we brought a hostess gift. And for one party we sent an engagement early (part of the catering). </p>
<p>Follow what you want to do…and keep a store of hostesses/bride gifts when they go on sale.</p>
Luckily, it hasn’t come up in a long time. We aren’t invited to many weddings. Only family events, and we have a small family.</p>