@abasket, as far as “conflict free,” people die pulling diamonds out of the ground. The work is very hard and poorly compensated. The workers are exploited. Large corporations control supply and control price. In addition, the diamonds thus mined are used to finance wars in some of the source countries. Cutting and grading the stones, as well as marketing them, add to the cost; but the price really has a “luxury” profit margin built in. DeBeers controls much of the market and manipulates supply to maintain prices.
Places like Canada, who certify ethical treatment of workers, will sometimes laser-etch a certifying emblem, for example on the girdle of a RBC diamond, to trace its origin. Purchasing vintage pretty much is saying that all the “conflict” ju-ju has been amortized out of the diamond over time, and that by purchasing it on the secondary market, you are not encouraging the badness.
I absolutely love the notion of a family stone being given to a S to present to a future-DIL. But there may be concerns about what happens to the family stone if the marriage doesn’t work out so I know mothers often prefer their rings go to their daughters. My H worked extra hours to buy my engagement ring (we were impecunious). Our D will get that ring but I imagine she and her future intended may have different plans.
“During the marriage vows the engagement band is switched from left hand (closest to your heart) over to the right hand. Then the wedding ring is placed on the left hand during the ceremony. And afterwards the engagement ring goes back onto the left hand (taking second place after the wedding ring in closeness to your heart).”
What hand the rings go to actually depends on the couple’s cultural and religious traditions.
Thanks BB - well, actually let’s hold the congrats till it actually happens! If my S is like his mother it takes a LONG time to make a purchase decision!!
Thanks for the explanation on the conflict-free - makes very much sense. We actually have access to Canada - maybe he should do some looking there!
Romani, that’s exactly the thoughts and opinions I wanted to open up to - like yours thinking that both isn’t necessary and one works for you. I wondered if that was a rare thought or not!
Congrats Abasket! DH and I decided we would have matching wedding bands and both have small diamonds inset. I have no separate engagement ring since I did not believe in the concept or spending the money. That was the 70’s though. 2 S’s married so far. Both did rings but only one was diamond. Each couple should decide what’s important to them without going into a lot of debt.
Since they have already sort of discussed it I would suggest taking her along. DH and I went shopping for an engagement ring together. I have no idea what DH would have picked out on his own…
Of my 2 married children, one couple created an engagement ring of moissanite set in platinum, the other bride opted only for a wedding band despite her groom’s eagerness to get a ring.
What does the prospective bride want/hope for/expect? These things are so individual!
My observation is that many young women today are more traditional than prospective brides in, say, the 70s/early 80s. Back in “my day”, many of us didn’t really go for engagement rings (and many of us didn’t change our last names, either.) But it seems that my daughter’s friends are getting (and loving!) their diamond engagement rings, opting for more traditional weddings, etc.
That said, I think looking at Costco is a smart idea (a status-oriented, well-to-do lawyer friend of mine gets her diamonds there because she says they’re good quality and well priced) as is developing a nice relationship with a local jeweler who might be able to offer a special deal.
Also – check out Etsy! There are some fabulous jewelers there, including international and NYC-based jewelers who offer stunning, I mean stunning vintage pieces. Here are a few examples:
"For a young man from a “middle class” family (let’s define the midfle class family as one whose annual household income as between $80’000 and $100,000 with modest retirement + other after-tax assets worth, say, $350,000 to $400,000 (when the age of parents about 60) excluding the equity in their house), how much will he likely spend on an engagement ring as well as a wedding ring? "
How much will he spend? Well, that depends on him, her, and how much of a priority a diamond ring is in their lives. There is no “norm” to conform to.
On-line diamonds. Make sure you go with reputable dealers. Way too easy to get taken.
It’s easy to have diamonds switched at any time–cleaning, resetting etc.
“Jewelry with settings can get in the way if you are active”
I don’t necessarily think so - I wear my ring all the time, including yoga, running / working out, etc. – I don’t always remember to take it off before I go to bed, and the only time I actively don’t wear it is when I go swimming or when I travel internationally. It doesn’t get in the way at all. But that’s me, of course - others may find that it does.
“Traditionally, young men spend “two months salary” on a ring.”
Does anyone know anyone who actually did this - calculated two months’ salary and spent it, even if that was more or less than what they had planned to spend? I know what my H spent on my ring back when, and it was out of a bucket of savings. It didn’t relate to salary at all - just like I don’t think of what I spend on my kids as being X months of salary.
I think two months’ salary is a heck of a lot to take out of a young couple’s budget, personally.
^^ I don’t know for a fact – but I suspect some PR flack at De Beers!
BTW, diamonds weren’t always “the must have” stone in engagement rings. De Beers made it happen with an extensive & expensive marketing campaign in the 1930s.
I was thinking " active", to involve " working with your hands". Climbing, cooking, painting, planting…
It is a pain to take it off every time I wash my hands which is frequently, so I generally wear a band or nothing.
Rings can get in the way if you have to wear gloves at work. Scientists and health professionals fall into that category of people who prefer “flat” rings.
2X salary would buy one heck of a ring even if the young man does not make much. My current “upgraded” ring cost less than 1X salary Mr. B’s was making as a post-doc in the early 90s - and I think it is fancy and luxurious! But I am not a fan of large solitary rocks.
The 2x “rule” was a very successful DeBeers ad campaign, apparently:
Oh gag. The whole “what should a guy spend” thing makes me want to toss my cookies.
There is absolutely NO shoulds when it comes to something as personal as a wedding/engagement ring other than (IMO) both parties should be involved in some way. Different couples want different levels of involvement.
Personally, there’s no way in hell I’d let my partner pick out my ring. I love him but it’s my ring. We split the cost.
What I do is actually wear my engagement ring on my right hand and a ring that he got me for our first Christmas on my left (a simple band with blue topaz stones around it). It just so happens not to fit on my right hand so they switch. No big deal.
I really cannot speak highly enough about using man-made diamonds though. I have a blue diamond instead of clear with a halo of clear and clear ones going down the sides of the ring.
I don’t want a wedding ring because I don’t like the look of the double ring. It’s all so individual though. In general, I’m not a huge jewelry fan. My rings and Harry Potter necklace are the only jewelry I wear and they go off as soon as I get home. I do not wear them when I’m sleeping, showering, swimming, etc. (Personally I’ve never understood how someone can wear a ring while swimming. I’d be TERRIFIED of losing it!)
