I don’t have an engagement ring because I don’t much like jewelry. He knew that and went with it. We both have wedding bands that we rarely wear. He for safety reasons and me because it caused callouses. We’ve been married 35 years and it works for us. I too would rather have a wedding band than an engagement ring. To each his own.
Both my married sons chose an engagement ring for their brides. Both girls were thrilled by the surprise and they are as different from each other as can be. Both couples then chose the wedding bands together.
Congrats Abasket! My S needs to have a fire lit underneath him, I’m hoping for the same happy event as he has a great girlfriend, we will see lol!
I don’t know anything about engagement rings but I keep hearing ads on the radio for a local jewerly shop. The offer to pick out a diamond and put it on a simple band. Then the couple can come in and pick out a setting they (she) wants. They will allow you to change things.
My H can’t pick out shampoo without me so we went together and got what we like together. I’m the one who had to wear it. It seemed to be that among the girls I knew who got engaged at the same time, the girls who were suprised all changed the ring.
I lost one of the small diamonds in my ring, thankfully not the larger diamond. I haven’t felt the need to get it repaired. Always seems that I have other things to spend my money on. So I don’t wear my rings anymore. I don’t miss them either. I guess I’m not into jewerly that much.
Both my brothers wear wedding rings. My Dad didn’t have one and I don’t think any manon my WASPy Mom’s side in that generation had a ring. DH and his brother both have rings and I’m pretty sure his Dad had one. (He was Jewish.)
As some of you know, my D recently got engaged and I find her ring so doggone PRETTY that whenever we’re together, I hold up her hand and make the ring catch the light. She loves it and it is the perfect ring for her. Their plan is plain gold bands for the wedding. When I got engaged, I had a lovely ring (which looked remarkably like the ring Lady Gaga just got), but in difficult times we had to sell it. Which sounds sad, but I’m not a jewelry person so I had never really worn it anyway. My MIL insisted that my husband get an average sized setting, which was a 6 1/2, but my ring size is 3 1/2 so it never fit and the setting wouldn’t have sized well and it just didn’t fit. In the interim, I lost two wedding rings, which actually broke my heart. We bought a simple band a few years ago just so I could wear it for kid events, and my husband has gained so much weight that he hasn’t worn his ring in 20 years. Which means that his ring which hasn’t left the jewelry box in decades is the only original ring of the three still in existence. Finally, I gave up caring whether other parents think we’re married or not and neither of us ever wears a ring. Works for us and we’re coming up on our 30th this year!
I am amused at myself about my daughter’s ring. In some strange way, I find it comforting that the ring is so exactly what she would have chosen for herself because I look at it and having been aware of how much effort my SIL put into selecting and purchasing it and giving it to her that, to me, it speaks to me that someone loves my baby as she deserves to be cherished. I find that very comforting.
Deb - that’s an interesting concept where they allow you to come in and change the simple band.
Haha - me too - I’m too fussy and don’t want anyone picking ANYTHING out for me!
I ALWAYS wear my rings - I had an engagement ring (a “larger” diamond with two small diamonds) and a wedding ring (two small side diamonds) that fit together when worn together - had them soldered after we were married and just had them rebuilt (the back band part only that after 30+ years broke due to thinness). H wears his band all the time - honestly don’t know if you could get it off it he tried! He did break it early in our marriage when he flung himself off the side of a boat to get in the water and caught the ring on the boat edge lip - fixed it and has worn it since.
I haven’t known men with great taste in jewelry. I’d much prefer people go together. if they are using an heirloom diamond, then use that ring, with idea it will be redone, or a funny, fake ring.
@Nrdsb4, I was not being sarcastic. Also, I think I do not involve much with my child’s business now – considering the fact that I have actually not talked (phone call, or text) to him for more than 1.5 month. Almost all I know for his business is via my wife who calls him likely once every 2-3 weeks right now. She is a strong believer of parents cutting the cord after the child has grown up. Yes, I know (from my wife) that he is on a trip now (he is the kind of “child” who thinks he should let us know if he is out of town.) But I do not know the business of his trip at all. I follow the unwritten rule: “Don’t tell and don’t ask” here.
I did remember that when we were dating and getting married ourselves, we had very little money. We did not want our child to suffer the same. We openly said to our child that it is fine for him to use our family’s money for expenses for dating, etc. (We are confident he knows how to set the limit.)
@thumper1, I (and my wife, to a lesser extent) has been in this country for more than 3 decades. However, we are always very anti-social (with ANY group of people - both the people in the main stream culture and the people with the same ethnic background with us.) I basically only “interact” with my colleagues at work out of necessities. Maybe also interacted with our child’s private music teacher when he was growing up because both of us went to his lesson every week for 12+ years.
We actually have had concerns that we may have given our child some bad influence when he grew up with us because the life style we had. He himself once accused us of being overly antisocial – guilty as charged. Oh…regarding our own marriage/weddings: we did not have rings when we got married and we did not have a “proper” wedding ourselves (this was before we immigrated here.) So we do not have any experience in weddings/rings in customs of any culture. We are indeed very ignorant in this topic. We were very glad our child went OOS for college and beyond and he could become more social outside of this very antisocial family (who nonetheless love him very much.) We are really outliers and could sometimes be “weird” in the eyes of others.
I apologize to OP for this tangent, just because I reply to the questions/comments to me.
@Mcat2, because you did not grow up in this culture, your ideas about money/children/weddings, etc., are simply different from ours. In the U.S. it’s considered normal for young couples not to have a lot of money - it’s not “suffering” (unless the couple is literally starving or living under a bridge, which I assume you didn’t mean) – it’s just a part of life. It’s also not common for parents to offer “dating” money, or to pay for an engagement ring.
But that’s OK. Every family is different.
This thread shows that even among natives, attitudes and experiences relating to relationships/engagements/wedding – and the associated costs – vary greatly.
Congratulations to you and your son Abasket! He sounds like a thoughtful young man. Hope he finds the perfect ring.
If the blood diamonds is a concern I’d have your son look at semi-precious stones. One stone that’s spectacular is the parabia tourmaline. H got me a paraiba stone for a ring that he gave me for my 60th birthday. There are many beautiful semi-precious stones to use for a wedding or engagement ring. My family didn’t have any heirloom rings–but I like the idea if the couple wants to use an heirloom ring.
The greenest purchase is always something that’s already made, as opposed to something new.
I’ve had my ring for just over two weeks now. We went to an estate/vintage jewelry shop and found a beautiful Edwardian-style setting and a light blue sapphire for the center. Everything is recycled. We spent way, way less than the corporate slogan “two months’ salary” (the original ads in the 1930s said one month’s salary…the two months thing was a revised campaign in the 1980s).
We will have wedding rings as well. I expect to wear the engagement ring on my right hand after we are married, because the engagement ring probably won’t work with another ring.
Hanna, that sounds absolutely lovely and I could fully see my son/GF going the vintage route as well. Question might be where a reputable shop like that exists here!
If you aren’t sure about the jewelry store, check their return policies – many places would let you have it appraised elsewhere and return it within some period of time if it isn’t what they claim.
Something fairly small suited me (ring size 4.5). I might have had different ideas/priorities if I were 24. If we blow a ton of money somewhere, it’ll probably be on travel.
I don’t know where your son is located, but I would suggest estate-type shops and consignment stores first, although these stores can be expensive because of mark ups.
Dare I suggest pawn shops? I know one woman who (albeit a few years ago) went around regularly to pawn shops and has gotten great things. She is knowledgeable so she bought with confidence. She also went with her jeweler’s 10x loupe so that she could look at everything and she could discern genuine stones from fakes. Afterwards, she took her finds to her jeweler for a refurbishing and polish and her items looked as good as new.
Sometimes you might find a wonderful mounting, then you can have a new stone set into it. Or you might find a great stone in an ugly mounting and the stone can be remounted.
Some jewelers have been selling diamonds that are altered to cover the flaws…my guess would be the big discounters. I think if you want quality, go to a reputable jeweler. If you don’t mind the estate pieces, you can get a great diamond that is a mine cut. I think they stopped using that technique in the early 1930’s. I knew a woman that instead of having an engagement ring, had a gorgeous opal pendant. I have always love nice opals , but they aren’t strong stones at all and have some folklore about being bad luck.
Really it is just a personal decision without a one size fits all ideal
No engagement ring here either. But it took us months to find my wedding ring. I had a picture in my head of what it would look like…which was a problem until I found it.
It’s a gold band with floral etching all around it. It’s a reproduction of a Victorian wedding ring. The sample in the store window was my size, thank goodness!
I’m really surprised to hear that people take their rings off so often!
I only take mine off if I am kneading some kind of foodstuff, rolling truffle centers in melted chocolate, or working with my hands in some noxious substance.
H wears it on his key chain. It would be dangerous to wear a ring or watch at work.
I would be afraid to wear any jewelry swimming although I know several women that do. The water makes my rings feel loose.
I often wear gloves when I work, but my fear is that upon removing my glove, I would not notice that my ring came off as well & it would be lost.
I only wear my engagement ring when I am dressing up and going out - mostly in the evenings. If I am in jeans I have some beautiful silver pieces from Mexico - cuff bracelets and rings - that I wear. My ring seems out of place with jeans or other causal wear. If I am going to the gym or yoga I wear no jewelry whatsoever. It just gets in the way and can be uncomfortable.
I had the exact opposite reaction. I will never cease to be amazed at how often people leave their rings ON!
I still have to ask you guys- do you not worry about it falling off when you’re swimming? Do you take it off when you shower?
I just find this so curious. You are all clearly much, much braver than me.
On a side note, when my sister’s mom was pregnant with her, she refused to take off her wedding ring because she was mortified of looking like a single mother. They ended up having to surgically remove it because it was cutting off circulation to her finger.
