I don’t think there is any right or wrong way here. H proposed to me with a classic round cut, diamond solitaire set on a plain gold band. Upsized the stone years ago. I generally wear both rings to work and when I go out, but wear only the wedding band around the house, to yoga, etc.D is getting married in the fall and she has a lovely ring which she and her fiance chose together.
I know women who wear one ring and women who wear two. I know more than a few married women who wear no ring at all. One friend wears her engagement ring on her right hand because she likes her rings better when thay aren’t worn together. My sister had her rings fused together. It all works…
So how many of your husbands wear their bands? My H does not - wears no jewelry whatsoever. Before cell phones he wore a very thin watch, now just uses his phone. My dad never wore a band. One of my brothers wears his, the others do not.
I got it now. It is a good “tradition”. They should at least show some efforts, right?! Otherwise, they would be like moma’s boy or daddy’s girl and do not deserve to get engaged or married. Thanks for “teaching” me this.
I believe my D & her husband bought their rings on etsy.
There are some lovely choices and they can be very attractive and meaningful but still very affordable for people who are still paying off loans.
My DH wears a wedding band. I wear a beautiful diamond engagement ring that was his grandmother’s and then his mother’s, plus two very very very thin bands – one on either side of the diamond ring. One of the bands is my official wedding ring. I wear them whenever I go somewhere, but around the house or when I go to the gym, I don’t wear them. I slip them on the strap of my watch and buckle the strap. They’re not going anywhere. I also occasionally put my rings (I also wear a ring on my right hand) in the silverware drawer if, say, I’m making meatloaf.
My dad doesn’t even have a wedding ring. I know a lot of men and women who don’t wear their rings. My mom rarely wore hers until she got a newer one a few years back. (Her first one was admittedly kinda ugly…)
My H never wears his, but he’s a physician washing his hands all the time so it doesn’t make sense. I did suggest we sell it and he wouldn’t do it, though.
My husband wears his wedding ring and also his grandfather’s wedding ring that was gifted to him. He does work with his hands too. I don’t sleep with my diamond rings on, except for my channel set anniversary ring since it is more comfortable.
Everyone has different tastes in rings, but I don’t care for synthetic stones, especially diamonds. They look dull and show dirt faster.
If money was an issue, I would rather have a plain gold band than a ring that won’t hold up. I really don’t have a lot of jewelry and have never cared for costume jewelry of any kind.
Wedding jewelry is IMO symbolic and should have longevity , which doesn’t necessarily mean paying a lot of money. Diamonds are generally not set in sterling silver because it wears out and the stone has higher risk of being lost.
When my sister and her husband got married ( after both becoming widowed ) they got matching wedding bands that were custom made. Her husband was recovering from a financially difficult time when his wife ran up a lot of debt in response to getting her news of terminal cancer. Rings were insignificant to my sister at that point. Later on, he bought her a lovely diamond ring.
He also gave her a family heirloom that belonged to his mother, an emerald and diamond that I don’t think she has ever worn…I think she wants to give it to her step-daughter in time
H wore his wedding ring in the early years of our marriage. When he was going a lot of work with wiring and electronics he stopped wearing the ring because it was dangerous for him. He’s never gotten back into wearing his ring or any other jewelry. He does sometimes wear a watch.
I mostly wear both the engagement and wedding rings, except when I travel to foreign countries. For such trips, I just wear a wedding band and leave the diamond ring in the safety deposit box.
I’ve seen some lovely, dainty costume jewelry. Our burglars liked some of mine so much, they stole it with my valuable pieces. !
Fortunately H has given me some lovely pieces since then, most of which I store at bank safety deposit boxes.
H wears his wedding ring. I had no engagement ring–we had no money and I don’t like diamonds. My wedding ring cost $60 and was a fake peridot with 2 small cubic chips on a 10K band. I had high BP and toxemia with S2, ended up having it cut off due to swelling. I already had a gold band for work because my ring was ripping the gloves I wore.
H and I are not much into valuable jewelry. Not sure what the dentkids will do…
I agree with Fallgirl - do what you want. Who cares if every other wife in the world wears 6 rings if you only want one? Do what you want. My father lost his wedding ring about 3 months after they were married, replaced it at 25 years, but by then it was too late, he wasn’t going to wear a ring.
Many of my friends had the traditional solitaire engagement ring and plain band, but for some big anniversary upgraded to a HUGE diamond one a wide band. Sometimes people outgrow their rings, both physically and by situation (more wealth, more places to wear a large diamond). My mother has been married 60 years and still wears the band with diamond chips from her wedding, which was all they could afford (one ring, not two). I worked with a woman whose band was three different colored bands woven together, no stones. I thought it was beautiful and very simple. She was married to a doctor and I think could have had anything she wanted, but she wanted plain and simple.
Your son should do what he wants. The fact that he asked means he’s thinking outside the traditional.
I think you’ve got it. FWIW… when H and I got engaged, I was in a first-out-of-college low paying job and he had just finished undergrad and was moving onto a Ph.D. program - so we had NO money. But we bought it on credit and paid it off just in time to buy wedding bands on credit, which we again, paid off over time.
It never, ever occurred to us to ask our parents for money for an engagement ring, even though they could have well-afforded it.
Yes, I would counsel my kids NOT to get married if they can’t afford to do what it takes and finance their lives independent of all parents and in laws.
I seem to be the only person who thinks you are being sarcastic. Aren’t you the same poster who has been counseled again and again that you are too involved in your son’s business?
And isn’t this the same girl who, because she recognized a certain designer purse, you worried would expect too much of your son from a material/financial point of view?!
Ditto.
My H doesn’t wear his wedding ring and if I could find it I’d take it to one of those “we buy gold” places, but I don’t know what happened to it. On the other hand (get it?) I wear 5 rings on my left hand ring finger-- my wedding set, my grandmother’s eternity ring, a ring my H gave me for my 60th birthday and this amazing diamond band my mother gave me years ago. I never take any of them off, but I do switch them to different fingers when I swim.
Mcat, how long have you lived in this country? Your threads make it sound like you moved here yesterday, and don’t talk with folks who have lived here their whole lives…or longer.
Engagement rings…usually paid for by the groom. Sometimes there are family rings or stones that can be used or reused.
Wedding rings…usually paid for by the couple. Sometimes there are family rings which are used.
Weddings…no “rules” here any more. We have seen:
- Bride's family pays for all.
- Bride's family pays for most, but grooms family picks up something like the bar drinks.
- Split between bride's family and groom's family. Not necessarily 50/50.
- Split between the families and bridal couple, again, not always an even split.
- Paid for entirely by groom's family.
- Paid for entirely by bridal couple.
My opinion…every wedding couple should plan their wedding with an affordable budget.
In my religion the wedding band is a simple,unbroken gold band to represent a marriage unmarred by conflict or distraction. The gold band is used during the ceremony.
As has been told in another thread on this topic, DS and his fiancee were not interested in “blood diamonds” so reused a stone from what I thought was my grandmother’s ring, but turns out was from my great grandmother’s ring (father had set it in a necklace for my mom). Its now 5th generation and thats very special to all of us.
And congrats abasket! This is a special time!
DH, FIL, all my brothers, my dad, and one grandfather all wear wedding rings. The grandfather who did not was a machinist and it was a hazard. DH actually had two rings, briefly, as I had toxemia and took my rings off so they wouldn’t get cut off – so he wore my band on a chain until baby arrived. I also had a grandmother who never wore a ring – no money at the start, and when there was money, she thought it was wasteful. So for their 50th he bought her a grove of apple trees for their orchard! You can’t make this stuff up…
Jym, I too always heard and subscribed to the plain gold band for the wedding ring.
Here’s a very odd ring story, not engagement - my great grandmother and great grandfather on one side were not Jewish, but lived in a fairly Jewish neighborhood. They rented out a room and took in boarders; the family lore was that ggm, who was rather unprepossessing in terms of looks, fooled around with the boarders. My mother remembers them as “Uncle So and So.” In any case, she supposedly found a ring behind her couch - it has a Star of David in enamel and a diamond in the center. It kind of looks like a man’s pinky ring, but could be worn by a woman too. It made its way to me and now is being held for my daughter. Yeah, we don’t think it was behind the couch :-).
I didn’t have an engagement ring because he was still in law school. Although he could have purchased something, he wanted to wait until he could afford a diamond that he wanted to give and knew I would enjoy more. We were married with gold bands…mine was thick…10 mm. Well, I waited and waited for 5 years for him to “surprise” me with the diamond to put on top of it. Finally, when it was nearing our 5th anniversary and my 30th birthday he asked me what I wanted. I finally spoke up and told him. I guess he never thought I cared that much, who knows.
so, he gladly took me and we picked out a 1 3/4 carat radiant cut diamond so fit the width of the band. It’s been 25 years and I still love it and think it worth the 5 year wait. I have to say though…I hated it when people looked for my engagement ring after we told them we were getting married and I didn’t have anything to show. I would have liked that…so I think having an engagement ring is nice. My mother engagement band was just slightly wider than her diamond wedding band, and she eventually had them sautered together.