The Bridal Etiquette thread got me thinking more broadly. I’m a mom of sons - do young men open doors for women these days, pull out chairs, help on with coats? I assume the more formal the setting, the more likely old etiquette norms are followed,but I wondered what others observe.
When I’m out with DH or sons (all adults) I pause to allow them to open the door for me. Probably not the norm, but I taught my guys this little nicety. DH joked today that the action might get one of them a sock on the nose in today’s world.
It’s weird to me that opening doors is gendered. If someone is behind you, hold the door open for them.
I’ve never experienced someone letting the door close in my face on campus so if any of you have UMich kids, know that they’re probably being courteous
I have raised my kids to consider others better than themselves. This leads to things like opening doors, letting others on the bus ahead of you, etc. The gender doesn’t matter.
I have a son and a daughter, and we taught both to be courteous to others. I don’t know any parents who are teaching their daughters to go about punching the noses of people who are trying to be helpful. If your husband knows such people, perhaps he should avoid associating with them. They sound unpleasant.
My kids hold doors for others. It’s just polite to do so. Gender doesn’t matter.
I do remember from my childhood in the Stone Age…men used to hop out of cars and run around and open car doors for their women passengers. I can’t say I see much of that anymore.
I do not think my DDs expect to have a door held open for them on a date, but I do think a date goes up a notch to them if the door is held. In a general public setting…I am with @romanigypsyeyes if someone is behind us, we hold the door. It is a genderless courtesy. And for any woman who thinks it’s a slight on her feminist sensibilities to have a door held open, a chair pulled out or a coat held while putting it on, get over yourself!
I travel in far left-wing, radical feminist circles due to the nature of my work. I’ve never, ever met someone who so much as huffs if someone holds open the door for them.
OTOH, when I’ve known men say things like this, it’s usually not the holding the door open that is problematic… it’s their other sexist remarks/gestures that they don’t think are sexist.
I notice that (in general, in my area) the younger generation of parents don’t teach their kids “respect for adults.” I notice this when kids call adults by their first names, interrupt adult conversations, fail to “give way” to adults–when passing on a narrow sidewalk, for example. Their parents teach them that “everyone is equal.” I’ve seen this change from when I was a young mom with my oldest kid (30yo) to now–I’m an old mom with my youngest (13yo). No, I don’t want to listen to an elementary or middle school kid’s opinion on everything. Stop pushing me --an old lady–off the sidewalk. Call me “Mrs. Smith.” (And get off my lawn!)
My son would open an hold the door for women of all ages and elderly person of any gender. He would always pay for his date as well. I don’t know what my DD expects from her male friends, but I make a mental note then I see a young man holding the door that his parents did a good job. Expectations might be different these days. Some women would not allow anyone to pay for them at the restaurant, another would never date a man who expects them to pay for themselves. It must be really confusing for guys these days how do behave so it’s all come to personal preferences.
The advent of smart phones seems to have led to a rise in rudeness. I am surprised how many teens are glued to their phones at a dinner party, church service, lecture. Frankly, I don’t think my parents would have tolerated it if I didn’t pay attention when I was expected to do so. Many young parents seem not to care.
“No one is punching anyone for holding open doors.”
Well, just today I said, “Oh let me get that door for you” to an elderly woman with cane as we were leaving church. She turned and snarled, “You don’t think I can manage myself!” I let her manage. Takes all kinds!
My family is southern born and bred, so our southern habits are ingrained into each of us. While in Denver several years ago, my husband bumped into a woman (younger than us) while passing in a crowded restaurant. He apologized while addressing her as ma’am. This woman lit into him about calling her ma’am He tried to explain that it was out of respect and how he grew up, but she would here none of it. I guess she would be one of the ones that might be welding the nose punch!!
He tried to explain that it was out of respect and how he grew up, but she would here none of it. I guess she would be one of the ones that might be welding the nose punch!!