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</p>
<p>And this is why women like to wear hats to garden weddings!</p>
<p>That’s an interesting one too - the “family” photo issue. My husband’s brother was married the year before us. Future mil informed my then boyfriend that while I was invited to the wedding - I would not be included in any family pictures as I was just his gf. We actually became engaged the week before their wedding - not planned that way - that’s just how it worked out. So at the wedding - future mil told us that now I was allowed to be in the family photos. A very early indication of what dealing with her was going to entail!</p>
<p>I think it varies zooser.</p>
<p>Bullet and I have very close friends that because we were military became their pseudo aunt/uncle, so it is common to have family pics of our families together.</p>
<p>My cousins have done a great thing where they gather all of the family and take pics, with and without the couple.</p>
<p>Without fail, everybody is having people(waiters) take their camera to take a pic. My brother is the Calendar guy, and we all get a calendar at christmas with that snapshot regardless if the parents bought it, for the month they got married…which is great because it reminds you that their wedding anniversary is coming up.</p>
<p>It is getting really neat now, because the pics are all of the family at each engagement party, wedding or graduation. Helps for early onset alzheimers when you try to remember the date!</p>
<p>Pizzagirl: Sorry, you are wrong (and so very right). We are going to a wedding in one week that will be in a very hot place. (well over 100). The wedding is outdoors at 5 in the afternoon. No umbrellas, no misters, no water. </p>
<p>The MOG has been outvoted on every issue including umbrellas and fans. And they are paying for the wedding. MOG’s fine line: win at the wedding and lose at life. Or voice an opinion and be outvoted and still be friends at the end of the day.</p>
<p>I am not 25, nor am I in perfect health will try and watch. If necessary I will remove myself and go indoors to the reception area.</p>
<p>pizzagirl, we did that. Iced individual bottles of water for each guest and the programs were actually printed on a fan so that helped keep the guests cool. We didn’t actually seat the guests until the processional was ready to begin, though, so they weren’t in the direct sun for more than 5-10 minutes when it all began. </p>
<p>As for shoes, everyone knew before hand that it was a garden wedding and were advised to dress accordingly. The website for the venues for each of my Ds’ weddings was included with the invitations, mostly for the purpose of directions (although we included a small map) but also so they could see the beautiful venues beforehand.</p>
<p>zoosermom, I’m not sure there are hard and fast rules for that. What we had our photographer do was to make sure the posed photos included:</p>
<p>B&G and:
her parents
her parents, siblings and significant others (and baby!)
her parents, siblings, significant others, and grandparents
her grandparents</p>
<p>same for his family although one had a great-grandmother! so there were also shots with her as well as family including her</p>
<p>The candid shots were to include several of each of these family members as well as extended family, aunts and uncles and cousins who also attended. The photographers assistants were the ones with the lists and one of the wedding planners ensured that all of these were taken. As I mentioned earlier, the candid shots are the ones we all love best, particularly the ones that include people who didn’t know each other prior to the day of the wedding chatting together, eating together, laughing together, dancing together, and having a wonderful time.</p>
<p>rockville,</p>
<p>In our area that is common regarding family. Rule of thumb is no ring, and you are not family. It is not to offend, it is because until it becomes official, things happen.</p>
<p>Bullet and I dated for 4 yrs before we got engaged. I was invited to everything, dress rehearsal dinners, wedding and morning after breakfast, but never asked to be in pictures. That was true for my SIL and BIL, it was true for cousins too. </p>
<p>It was just accepted and you would watch their date step back because they knew that was the way it was.</p>
<p>I personally would feel the same for my kids when they attend a family wedding. What our family has done is they take the couple aside and have them take a picture. I have a picture of Bullet in his tux with me at his brother’s wedding. </p>
<p>There is a way, to ease the situation and make everyone happy.</p>
<p>I agree with bulletandpima. Fiances and fiancees are family, but girlfriends and boyfriends are not.</p>
<p>only on page 4, but I keep thinking: this is a wedding, for Pete’s sake, not chorus line.</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate that the MoB feels the need to do this. I’ve read far enough along to have seen it suggest ed several times that you ask your son to see where this instruction originated. But here’s another idea (might have been mentioned somewhere on page 14…): How about asking him to relay this message:</p>
<p>You just want to make sure you understood the suggestions properly, what with the possibility of clashing purples or the “twins” look.</p>
<p>6 yrs ago, a cousin got married, both are only children. The wedding was in July in TX on their farm. The MOB is a germ-a-phobe and due to this she refused to allow the guests to use the bathrooms in their home, including the MOG. Instead, 300 guests had to use 5 porta potties they brought in!</p>
<p>I don’t think I have to tell you the odor that occurred by the end of the night!</p>
<p>Understand, the groom was from NY, and the entire family flew out from NY/NJ/VA and FL to attend this wedding. Aunts, Uncles were well into their 70s, and many hitting 80’s. And in this area it is common not to give presents, but checks. Traditionally rule of thumb is to pay for your meal. 250 per couple as a gift for our family is common. </p>
<p>Imagine going to a wedding in July, no tenting, porta potties and even the dance floor was grass. Chairs were sinking into the dirt, let alone your heels.</p>
<p>MOB was adamant that this was how it would go. Her DD never wanted to be married in TX, but because of 9/11 her mother refused to fly or take a train.</p>
<p>Food was insanely good, never tasted anything so great in my life.</p>
<p>Here is my other pet peeve…</p>
<p>If the bride and groom send an invite that says Mr & Mrs. XYZ, not XYZ FAMILY, why do you call and ask if you can bring your children? Are you assuming that they are so stupid that they forgot you had kids?</p>
<p>We didn’t invite children because of 2 reasons.</p>
<ol>
<li>Limited space</li>
<li>Wanted the guests to have an adults night.</li>
</ol>
<p>Invites in our area go out 6-8 weeks prior, way more than enough time to get a babysitter.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>My kids probably realize that the MOB/G (depending on the kid) will not have tone arms even with years’ warning. Maybe they can plan January weddings.</p>
<p>Where do you draw the line with kids, Pima? (I agree with you by the way.) My niece is getting married in 5 weeks and has exclused my almost 20-year-old daughter and my 13-year-old son (which I am fine about). In a twisted way, she also excluded the middle “child” of my brother – who is 38, married, a father, and a successful chef who graduated from the CIA 15 years ago. </p>
<p>My daughter is starting to toy with the thoughts of weddings and she has decided that she wants kids and is prepared to hire a babysitter at the reception and serve chicken fingers. So when she is missing from the sweetheart table, we will know where to find her!</p>
<p>Alwaysamom, I love the idea of the programs being fans!</p>
<p>“Many of the guests were Brits, and my D asked them NOT to wear hats or fascinators. That request ruffled some feathers…but my D was adamant. She hates hats and thinks fascinators are just bizarre.”</p>
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>I don’t think I would feel very welcome at that wedding. If I were close family and had to go, I’m sure I would spend the event suppressing the urge to make sure the bride knew which of her choices didn’t meet my standards. Just because they make it in your size, dear…You know, a dermatologist could fix that for you…I guess you couldn’t afford fresh shrimp…</p>
<p>It is the bride and groom’s wedding. If they want something so be it. If you don’t want to do what they want, don’t go. Having ill feelings towards a bride at her wedding because of her desires for her ‘special day’ suggests you don’t really like her anyways…</p>
<p>Fortunately, Hanna, their friends are much nicer than that. And I think robyrm is right. If you had the urge to make the sort of comments you mentioned, it would be better if you stayed home. You’d only do that, I think, if you didn’t like the bride in the first place.</p>
<p>Bad behavior is bad behavior, whether it is someones “special day” or not. And it is not only the bride’s special day.</p>
<p>I would think it’s the bride who doesn’t like the guests very much, if she would get little pleasure from their presence if they were wearing hats, and she is “adamant” that they do not inflict their clothing selections on “her day.” I used the phrase “If I were close family and had to go” because I’m not talking about being a guest (or scenic backdrop, whichever) with a real choice about whether to attend. I certainly would not darken such a celebration unless I had to – who knows what effect my A-line skirt would have on the enjoyment of the people who matter.</p>
<p>I’m exaggerating, of course, but you’re right…I’ve never had a friend who would try to ban articles of my wardrobe from her party, and if one of my friends tried, I would not like her very much while she was behaving that way.</p>
<p>The thing about it being the bride’s day is that if she is too much of a jerk, people may not come. My niece pared down her guest list because she is having such an expensive wedding, but when people received the invitation and saw how un-guest friendly the arrangements are, many have declined to attend. She is shocked, but brides need to understand that a certain standard of comfort and consideration must be provided.</p>
<p>I agree with bulletpima and Cardinal Fang as well. I started dating my husband and attended his sister’s wedding in the capacity of his girlfriend, not fiancee. It would have been inappropriate for me to have been in pictures. I’m only in one picture, which was a candid / casual shot of the two of us on the dance floor. C’est la vie. If I’d just wound up being his flavor of the month, why should they have taken lots of pictures of us? Sorry, I’d too reserve “official” photos for a fiancee or very long-standing type of relationship, not just a girlfriend.</p>
<p>I have to say that the first thing that popped into my mind with a bride who is “adamant” about Brit friends not wearing hats ,was that I pitied her poor husband. I am a bit surprised that family or friends did not call her on how over the top that seemed and get her to back down on that.</p>
<p>Yes, the bride is also the hostess, of course. I think the whole dynamic of modern weddings likely is a bit haywire, and the elements of behavior that seem most controlling- a bride dictating headgear, a MOB dictating dress colors, reflect this. But, the bottom line is that the guests are presumably there to share the joy-- not to distract or to make the bride wish they had eloped.</p>