<p>mimk6, we know where he gets it from! ;)</p>
<p>And perhaps he’s widely-read, too. Such niceties as dancing with/speaking with other people at the table as a matter of common courtesy do appear in novels. Back in the day, virtually every wedding I went to was a crushing bore due to lack of social skills of the attendees. It astonishes me how few people, male OR female, are able to make pleasant dinner conversation. or feel compelled to do so.</p>
<p>It’s funny you would say that Consolation. He is very widely read, including a lot of Russian literature that comes with descriptions of dances and high-society functions. He even read Emily Post as a child because he was interested in knowing what she deemed the right and proper way to act.</p>
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And that is perpetuated by the “and guest” concept, among those who do not have a “significant other.” Why should a single individual not be expected to speak to other people? </p>
<p>It also used to be the rule that married people were seated separate from each other at tables. The theory was that they have plenty of time to speak to each other, so perhaps they might actually enjoy speaking to someone else! What a concept!</p>
<p>My parents were from Europe, and my father was a very charming man. He always danced with every woman at the table, and had a way of making every woman feel young and beautiful. Every woman knew that his flirting was harmless and all in good humor, and everyone knew it. I asked my mother if it bothered her, and she said, “No. He always comes home with me.”</p>
<p>I insisted from the time my children were young that they ask their grandparents, godparents and sometimes aunts and uncles to dance with them. There were many family weddings and Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and my hope was that my children could act like adults when needed. I still needed to prod them through their teens years, but I am proud to say that they take the initiative on their own as young adults. It really means a lot to the grandparents to be asked to dance by their grandchild.</p>
<p>My son actually danced with his cousin the bride at the most recent wedding, which was a shock to me! I will take some credit for molding a gentleman 
My daughter was disappointed when my father wasn’t well enough to join her on the dance floor, but at least she tried.</p>
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I would be thrilled to be able to converse with others at my table at weddings and bar mitzvahs, but the music is always amped so loud that it becomes a screamfest punctuated by “What?” and “Pardon?”, and I usually just stop trying.</p>
<p>MommaJ, I so agree with you. The worst wedding I went to was my niece’s. The music was so loud, my cousin could not hear me if I put my mouth next to his ear and screamed as loud as I could. My husband and I sat in the hall away from the “festivities” the entire night except when we were eating the dinner. Fortunately, the band had to eat, too.</p>
<p>My mother and MIL are the exact same in coloring: fair skin; vivid blue eyes and deep brown hair. Both gravitate to totally different colors. My MIL goes for deep blues and purples; my mom loves pinks and peach. At our wedding, my MIL wore deep purple; my mother peach and all looked fine. I will say that there are a million shades of purple as I found out when trying to get flowers for my MIL - she said her dress was purple, but I did not see it ahead of time and was not sure if we were talking lavender, a smokey purple, or what. In the end, it was deep purple and the flowers were a bit too light but no one noticed. Now 33 years later, our son asks what’s up with the men’s jackets? At the time, we all thought those silvery gray tuxes were ‘cool’ – wide lapels and all! Rather looked like a nod to disco-- and the hair styles! No one really seems to comment on the colors in the dresses any longer. </p>
<p>I dare say it would be next to impossible to find the same shade of purple in a dress for the mother of the bride, and I’d go with something complementary to both the bridesmaids and mother of the bride. And I’d shop around a bit to see what colors and styles I liked, before discussing further so you would be calling with some suggestions of what you might consider.</p>
<p>I agree with all of you about the loud music. So when my oldest d. didn’t want dancing at her reception, we had a string quartet and everyone told us how nice it was to actually be able to talk during the reception. </p>
<p>I wish bands would just turn it down a notch and be part of the atmosphere rather than dominating the entire party.</p>
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<p>Amen, amen, amen Onward! I hate coming home from a wedding or other event with laryngitis from a yelled conversation at a table.</p>
<p>I am a musician and love music, but when we chose a restaurant for an extended family dinner after D’s hs graduation, I had no idea they had a jazz band on Friday nights. There were 10 of us at a long table and we could barely speak to the person next to us, let alone with anyone further down the table. If I had known there would be a band I’d have chosen a different restaurant.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why the hosts of any party don’t tell the band to lower the volume. They are the ones paying for it and they can tell them what to do. It’s just as well to be sitting next to a spouse or someone you know well so the non-talking is not uncomfortable.</p>
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<p>So did I! :)</p>
<p>OK, I have sufficiently recovered to report back on nephew’s wedding last night. A total success, beautiful bride, MOB and MOG in similar but equally fall-ish dresses, bridesmaids looking so pretty, my nephew wore an outrageous handlebar moustache - in fact, all the groomsmen sported interesting facial hair concepts. They looked fantastic in their kilts and yes, they don’t wear a darn thing underneath them. Didn’t see a single tattoo!
Everyone danced like crazy - all my single sisters were asked to dance by the three remaining husbands. The nephews all danced with dates, single bridesmaids, older aunties, too much fun!!
Food was delicious - not too much to be gross which I have often seen.
The bar bill must have been astronomic! Someone gleefully announced that beer supply of the wedding scheduled for TODAY had been consumed!
PS I woke up at 3PM today…</p>
<p>Have to comment about the loud music comments. Yes the music is as loud as the hosts want it. At my wedding we had a DJ and some of my parents friends complained about the sound level. Guess what? It was MY wedding. So the volume stayed, and so did the complaining guests (the wine was flowing).</p>
<p>OP here, with a shopping update–I have now ordered my dress, which is a gorgeous midnight blue silk taffeta, with a slight purple cast in certain light–this color will (IMHO) complement beautifully the dark plum bridesmaids dresses and the MOB’s dark purple dress. With some trepidation, I advised both the bride and the MOB of my purchase, and got appropriately enthusiastic responses (although I am not a mindreader, of course, and am still neurotically hoping that they weren’t inwardly cursing me). Since the wedding isn’t until the end of May, lots of time yet, and the dress won’t be ready until February or so. Any further developments will be timely reported here!</p>
<p>Sounds fine! I MOG, blonde, had a soft pink dress, MOB, redhead,had a soft sage color and bridemaids had green and offwhite layers whereas bride had off white with green trim. Wedding in the woods in rustic chapel. I sent all my specs way in advance and we just get along better each year. A little caring about other’s points of view goes a long way. Have fun with the process.</p>