Ex-Husband Wants Insurance Info - Why?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I have this ex-husband who frightens me and the kids. We have had no contact with him for over three years. We didn’t even know where he lived or worked, and didn’t want to know. Our lives have been pleasantly peaceful and simple without him.</p>

<p>He is a very charming, handsome, seemingly gentle man who is able to charm his way into things that should otherwise be off-limits to him.</p>

<p>For a pretty long while now, things have been quiet on the ex-husband, bad-dad front. We haven’t even heard his name mentioned much.</p>

<p>Then, just recently, the school district and high school started calling me to get authorization to release information to him. I did not authorize the release. I’m not sure why he wants it either. </p>

<p>Just today, I received a call from my insurance company. They insure my life, home, cars, and personal liability. Like the schools, they said my ex-husband wanted access to private information. In this case, about my premiums, previous claims, values of my policies, etc. He claimed to be legally entitled to that information, because (he said) he pays a portion of those premiums every month, and that I have authorized the release of that information. (None of that true.)</p>

<p>Needless to say, I did not release the information. And, thankfully, they flagged my file to prevent further attempts at my private data.</p>

<p>But here’s the question … I tried to google this, to no avail. I’ve been pondering it all day long…</p>

<p>Why, oh why, would my ex-husband possibly want my insurance information? What could he do with it? A few weeks ago, I figured he might have been calling the schools to try to find out where our senior is going to college. Son wants to protect himself from dad and will be filing a restraining order upon his arrival in his new town. Dad was asking for information on all the kids, though, not just the senior. My first thought today was that these are two different things - the request for the kids’ school information and then the request for my insurance information, but I could be wrong.</p>

<p>Any ideas as to how or why my insurance information might be useful to him? Or why a combination of the kids’ education information and my insurance information might be useful to him? I find his sneaky behavior threatening. It is most uncomfortable to have his name popping up in our lives all over again.</p>

<p>We also heard recently that he just purchased or is in the process of purchasing a home far away from here (thank you, God), is probably starting a new job, and just got re-married. Are any of those clues as to why he feels he needs this information that is none of his business?</p>

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<p>I would suggest that you contact the lawyer who represented you in your divorce, if possible, to discuss this. The attorney would have insight as to your situation and a sense as to why the stuff might be useful. Also your lawyer would be able to advise how to proceed from here – and take appropriate action to protect your interests.</p>

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<p>The only thing I could think of is he may be trying to put fake claims in to your insurance company.</p>

<p>I would let your insurance company(s) know as soon as possible to not give out any information over the phone. Since he was married to you, he would have all of your information - social security #, phone #, home address, birth date. It would be very easy for him to get another woman to give out those information over the phone to make the insurance company think the woman is you, then proceed to change your information with the insurance company. With some insurance companies you could even do that online very easily.</p>

<p>Yes, contact your lawyer as mentioned by calmom. This doesn’t sound good to me.</p>

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<p>Something just occurred to me…For some insurance (health, car) you need to prove prior insurance coverage. He may be trying to add himself on to your insurance temporarily to prove he has insurance.</p>

<p>If you haven’t done so already, I would open up an online acct with every insurance company because if you have one then he won’t be able to open one using your information. I would use some very obscure ID and PW, and sign up for their special security question, and give an answer your ex wouldn’t know.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>Could he be trying to take out some kind of life insurance policy on you? I think your instincts are correct, unfortunately. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Have you checked your credit reports recently to make sure he hasn’t opened any account using your or your children’s SS numbers? If you haven’t done so already, I would also place a credit freeze so no new accounts can be opened without contacting you first. The process varies by state.</p>

<p>Good luck - you are smart to think ahead.</p>

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<p>In addition to what was already mentioned, a few things came to mind:</p>

<p>a) A possible petition to the court to reduce/eliminate either child support or alimony on the basis of financial hardship. My cousin’s ex tried something similar to this - told his D that his remarriage meant that he has a new family to support and that she’d either have to drop out of college or get her mom and HER new husband to pick up the bill. The whole thing dropped when my cousin told him that she’d take him to court and force him to do a financial accounting - 1040s, pay stubs, the whole works;</p>

<p>b) It’s tax time - could he be seeking the info in order to get further write-offs on his federal and state tax returns? As in, taking the kids as dependents, increasing the reported amount of alimony/child support by the amount of the premiums paid for insurance, or looking for the individual tax credits for the kids under 17? </p>

<p>c) He’s seeking a loan - maybe for the new house? - and is hoping to salvage any bad credit history he might have by tapping into your good credit.</p>

<p>In any event, your instincts are on the money. In addition to the people you’ve contacted, call your bank and your credit card companies and have them flag your account against any inquiries. Same goes for your utilities. Also, call your lawyer and ask that a letter be sent to your ex (with a copy to the court) telling him to cease and desist. Best of luck to you.</p>

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<p>Oh for heaven’s sake. Contact your LAWYER.</p>

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<p>Thank you all for your responses.</p>

<p>thumper1, I can certainly appreciate your sentiment, and had to laugh out loud at the tone of it! Yes, a lawyer seems like the obvious choice. What is not so obvious is that people who deal with nutty people like my ex have to endure all sorts of “involuntary” contact with lawyers. Lawyers cost a lot of money. And the conflict that often escalates with a lawyer’s involvement takes its own toll in terms of energy and peace in the home. Sometimes, people like the ex are gratified by the attention they receive from a lawyer who has been hired by their “victim.” To make matters worse, lawyers are often just as ineffective as the guy next door with people like my ex. Only people who care about “following the rules” or see themselves as “breaking the rules” are threatened by or even responsive to legal action. I learned all of this the hard way.</p>

<p>So instead, I try to play it smart and stay one step ahead of him when he starts acting up. If I can ignore him, I do. That’s the best course of action. I often ignore him – like when he was pursuing info at the school. If I feel threatened by his antics, as I do now by the insurance thing, I try to anticipate his next move so I can head him off at the pass, without ever directly involving myself with him. It’s what has worked best for us. Much more cost-effective than a lawyer. More of a sense of control as to what’s being done on our behalf. More peace in the home.</p>

<p>I may have to get the lawyer involved eventually, again. But it’s a last resort.</p>

<p>The goal: peace, tranquility, and safety. A simple life. I don’t believe a lawyer can get that for us any more than we can get it for ourselves.</p>

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<p>Thanks everybody!</p>

<p>All of your ideas are good ones. I have already thought of, and taken care of, some of the things you’ve suggested. But there are many things you’ve said, collectively, that I have not thought of or done. I’m going to look into those today and do what needs to be done.</p>

<p>Regarding the possible fake claims: He was actually investigated for fraud by this same insurance company years ago because of a fraudulent claim against MY policy! So that’s a good guess. They supposedly banned him from ever carrying insurance with them. He was only discovered because, silly him, the claim check was mailed to my address and made out to me! I was confused as to why I got a large insurance check in the mail, so I “inquired within.” Then his plan unraveled.</p>

<p>The prior proof of insurance is a very good guess. Hadn’t thought of that. He may have been living in an apartment all this time, and therefore may not have any proof of prior insurance. He is buying, or has bought, a new home, I heard. I don’t like it one bit that he’s lying and trying to use my private information for his gain, but at least this is a fairly benign scenario, considering all other possible scenarios.</p>

<p>I didn’t know that I need to open an online account with my carrier in order to prevent him from opening one in my name, but fortunately, I did do that long ago. All of my passwords and user ids are obscure, with personal security questions. I’m going to check on all my other bank accounts today.</p>

<p>The life insurance idea is, of course, the scariest. Surely not! He’s got a brand new life, with a new wife (God bless her), a new job, and a new home. Why would he continue to waste his energy on me or the kids?</p>

<p>I have never heard of this credit freeze thing. I’m going to look into it today. So, you mean one person can open a new account in another person’s name, with no currently existing relationship? And they don’t automatically have to contact me? I’m going to have to check that out. Thanks for the tip!</p>

<p>Excellent guesses that I hadn’t thought of, tranquilw218. Reduced child support so he can support his new family (I don’t know if he has new step-kids or not.); looking for tax credits for the kids that he legally cannot claim, or trying to write off an insurance premium that he does not, in fact, pay; and probably most likely of the bunch, trying to tap into my good credit for the purchase of his home? See, I hadn’t thought of any of those. </p>

<p>I’m going to try to stay one step ahead of his deceit, again. I’m going to contact all banks, utilities, mortgage company, etc. Today or Monday.</p>

<p>Thanks again for the ideas!</p>

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<p>A lawyer might give you insight into what your ex is trying to do. Consulting an attorney doesn’t mean you have to have the attorney do anything; you just want to know what possible use the information your ex is seeking might be put to if he had it. (I’ve consulted attorneys in the past for their perspective, and didn’t hire them to pursue the matter; I just wanted to know what I was in for.)</p>

<p>You might also want to talk with someone at a battered women’s shelter, again just to get that person’s perspective on why your ex might be seeking this information. I would bet that an experienced counselor working with battered women has some insights into what an ex can do with various data.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>Wow. Good idea!. I’ll contact our local battered women’s shelter today too.</p>

<p>Still trying to avoid the lawyer avenue.</p>

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<p>If you don’t have the financial resources to pay for a lawyer, perhaps there is some legal aid or community lawyer you could see for advice.</p>

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<p>You might also freeze your credit reports- apparently you freeze it with the three reporting agencies and they give you a secret PIN to unfreeze it when you need some one to pull a report. That would at least prevent him succeeding at ID theft.</p>

<p>You are right, people must respect the law in order to feel threatened by legal action. DD was stalked several years ago and the attorney actually told us NOT to file a restraining order since we had the option to move her out of town. He said the RO would merely list future targets for the scumboy to bother- grandparents, cousins, etc, long after DD was gone.</p>

<p>You are right he has a new life and hopefully that will fully absorb his energies, but people who are off-kilter’ as you describe, who have made themselves scary to their immediate family, are not thinking like you & me…so, there could be reasons why he wants to mess with you and your kids, best to cover all your bases now before anything happens.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>You (we all are) entitled to a free credit report from all 3 major reporters every year. Immediately get yours and as stated earlier in this thread make certain that there’s nothing on there that does not belong to you.</p>

<p>The only authorized online source to obtain a free credit report, created by the three consumer credit reporting companies Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion…</p>

<p><a href=“Annual Credit Report.com - Home Page”>Annual Credit Report.com - Home Page;

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<p>This is unnerving. You must be in full mother-bear mode; I would be.</p>

<p>If you have wireless internet at home, make sure it is also password protected and secured. Do not assume that this scumbag is working alone; he could hire a private investigator in your area. Paranoia is your friend in this situation.</p>

<p>If you don’t mind saying so: in what age range are your children?</p>

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<p>Adding to "just"aMom’s advice: Be sure to check <em>all</em> three - one may be free of errors, but another can have incorrect information. (You’d think that fixing one would fix all three - nope. You have to correct each one individually.) It’s also a good way to make sure all joint accounts you had with your ex have been closed.</p>

<p>Before you log on, it’s good to have bank/lending company names (mortgage, car loan, etc.) at hand, as you’ll be asked to verify your identity through multiple choice options regarding your credit accounts.</p>

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<p>SimpleLife: As far as your concern with getting a lawyer and paying a lawyer, I understand. Nevertheless, you might need only one or two hours with the lawyer, who can give you information or suggest your ex’s motives to you to allow you to head things off at the pass. It might be a worthwhile investment that won’t require thousands and thousands of dollars.</p>

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<p>Do you have a restraining order against your ex-husband? He is stalking you, plain and simple, and therefore in violation of any restraining order. That makes it a criminal matter. If you don’t have a restraining order, get one.</p>

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<p>Oh dear, I reread that and realized that it could sound like I was telling you what you “must” do. No, I was trying to say that “I imagine that you are in full mother-bear mode.”</p>