I’m also in the “depends on the child” camp. My daughter has a summer birthday. Our district had a kindergarten readiness assessment that she “passed” with flying colors. She was identified as “gifted” very early, was reading way above grade level immediately, was ready from a maturity aspect, etc… We felt it would have been a mistake to have a third year in pre-school. She did great academically and socially and we have zero regrets with our decision. That said, she’s been one of the youngest students in her class every year. There are a number of students in her grade that are almost a full two years older than she. I don’t think it caused any issues other than for sports, which weren’t really her thing anyway, and with driving in high school. We were also lucky that physically she fit in with her peers as she has always been super tall (99th percentile for height her whole life).
I believe in the “depends on the kid” approach. However, there are competing factors.
In our school system, you could start kindergarten as long as you turned 5 by 12/1.
My oldest, a boy, was born late summer. He was in pre-K and getting bored academically but still somewhat socially awkward and many times full of energy. It was the full of energy that concerned us. The academically bored factor was our deciding factor to start him “on time”. The kindergarten teacher also noted that his high energy level and some reluctance to sit down and do the work he was assigned. Her opinion was that he would be that way in lesser and lesser extents until the second grade. She was right. We also had one other minor issue; although he was the youngest in his grade at this school but also the tallest and biggest one in his grade. Both his first grade and second grade teachers saw his birthday, month and day, and thought he was one of the oldest in the class until we corrected them. They were questioning his maturity given what they though his age was.
Our daughter was born in late October and we seriously considered holding her back. However, in many ways, she acted more mature than her older brother who was several years older. We got ahold of our son’s kindergarten teacher to sit down and talk with her to get a second opinion. She recommended starting her and so we did.
Both kids were identified as gifted and were in that track. Both were varsity athletes in high school and choose not to pursue their sports in college. Our son did have the talent to pursue his sport in college (he was invited to national camps in his sport in high school and played for one of the top clubs in the nation) but didn’t want to spend that much time with it and miss the rest of the college experience. He has never regretted his choice. Both graduated college as mechanical engineers and both have successful careers as such.
Thank you again to everyone for sharing.
I think the one thing that worries me is if holding back is common in our district, that the cohort as a whole will trend even further ahead and so the young “on time” kid who would have been just fine, is now challenged through no fault of their own. As so many of these stories show, it’s not just the academics that can play a role in all of this…
this was a huge topic of conversation for our friend group 15 yrs ago! so its not a new thing, although i do think the amount of work has changed in kindergarten in the last 15 yrs.
us: we’ve gone both ways. Held back our S#1; he turned 7 at the end of kindergarten and graduated right at age 19! Not a sports decision; but a physical growth/speech decision. GOOD DECISION. He felt on top of his game throughout MS/HS. Also, for boys - their physical growth - is important in the MS/HS pecking order. (kiddo was not an athlete; that didnt figure into decision)
D#2: went the other way; she started at age 4 as her birthday was right before the Oct cutoff. Now, in junior high, she’s small and undeveloped at age 12. Of course we had no idea on when she’d develop, but her classmates are often a year older and definitely into other things. She’s very bright though, and top of her class.
**** i worry about my daughter. she wants to be on the HS dance team. Not sure i want her in that situation as she’d be starting it age 13; with girls up to age 18. Way different problem sets at those 2 ages.
NO advice on this, except to know your child. From our 2 experiences, i prefer holding over sending early. YET, there’s been pros and cons to both.
I dont think it makes much difference academically – the biggest pros/cons are mostly social.
I think making the decision in kindergarten based on size then for later is a roll of the dice because one cannot predict when puberty will kick in for any child and there are pros and cons to going through puberty ahead of or behind your peers.
I would not hold back and did not hold back because of size. My younger D was always little and looked like a doll. So lots of kids would try to pick her up through second grade. Well she certainly let them have it! She would have none of that and let them know. Good for her for learning early to stand up for herself and not let people touch her.
As it turned out, the class behind her was for whatever reason filled with lots of tall girls (at least the children she gravitated towards.) Her class was average sized and she was always one of the shortest girls until girls began to hit puberty and stopped growing. Then she began to forge ahead since she hit puberty on the later side and grew through most of high school. But ironically, the older class ahead of her was filled with short girls, many who she knew from EC’s. Physically, she fit in much better with the girls older than her!
Super late to this thread @Bigredmed , but I have experience with both sides of this issue.
My eldest, a daughter, is a soph in college. She started K in England, where they all start younger than children do here. We moved to the US half way through the school year. She was 5 and already reading and writing. We put her in K to finish up the year, though she was now one of the youngest in the class. By the time she was ready to start first grade, she lost her reading and writing skills, because she wasn’t taught them here. She was very young compared to most other kids, but it wasn’t ever a problem, tbh. She was never struggling, but it took her until 3rd grade I guess to start moving ahead. She ended up being pretty advanced academically, overall. She always had a rigorous schedule in high school, was on high honor roll for 7 years, made National merit commended cut off, and currently has a 4.0 GPA at a very rigorous college. For her, staying in K as a younger student was the right thing to do.
There has been research to back up that some kids will push themselves to do better when they are facing an uphill climb, and I suspect that was the case for my daughter. Interestingly, most of her friend group were all on the younger side, and most of them were all the “smart” kids at her school. I do think it’s all about the kid though.
My youngest, a son, is totally different. December birthday. He started K as a 4 year old and was the youngest in the class. He completed K, and learned nothing. He had fun, at least. Bear in mind, my son is also dyslexic and dysgraphic, but that wasn’t diagnosed until after 2nd grade. The bigger issue is that he wasn’t ready for full day K. 1/2 day K would have been good. We had him repeat K, at a private school, where he did 1/2 days. It became obvious by 2nd grade, at the private school, that he had some kind of learning disability. His private school had no support for learning disabilities, so we moved him back to the public school in our district, which has excellent support. He is one of the oldest students in his year, and now a junior in high school. He has thrived ever since, but he had a ton of academic intervention, as well as private tutoring for years.
I firmly believe it would have been a disaster for him if we had let him continue to first grade, rather than repeating K. What’s important to us though, is the kind of student he is. Learning disability aside, he simply is not like his sister in terms of drive and studiousness. His personality is totally different, and I don’t think it’s an issue of his sex or learning disability. I think he wasn’t ready for school and needed to mature. On the other hand, we felt his sister was totally ready for school, and she loved it from the start. He is a smart kid, but really doesn’t give a rodent’s bottom about school work, etc… His philosophy, which seems to work for him, is do the minimum amount of work, but study for tests because that’s what matters. His grades are good and he scored very highly on the ACT, so we can’t complain too much.
We made a mistake in assuming our son was ready. It has worked out well, despite our mistake. We were basing things on a “5 year plan,” because we thought we would move back to England. We didn’t want him to be a lot older than all the other kids in the UK who were starting school, so we went ahead with putting him in K, even though we didn’t truly feel he was ready for it. Interestingly, a boy he was in his first K class with, way back then, has a November birthday. He is young for his grade. He is the class Valedictorian now. It’s not the age, it’s the kid.
Everything is clearer with hindsight, but trust your instincts, rather than going by a calendar. If you feel, in a couple of years, that your child is ready for school, send her to school. If you feel she isn’t ready for school, don’t send her. Don’t go by calendar dates or what other people are doing.
We held yds back with a very late July BD and a Sept. 30 cutoff. He was/is an outstanding student and person and I have no earthly idea if it’s due to that. My dh has a late Aug. BD and ended up repeating 2nd grade. He said he still remembers the enormous relief of feeling in place with those younger children. He was very supportive of the decision based on his own experience.
@Bigredmed Waving at you from the premed forum!
I think some of the decision can be what type of K, public/private or in our case Montessori. We have 3 late, late summer Bdays and 2 very late Nov birthdays. I sent the kiddos to Montessori preschool which really helped with K readiness.
As far as their birthdays late August b-days had 9/1 cut-offs and late Nov. had 12/1, 2 different states. All went on-time. 3 were D1 athletes in college, all team capts. in their respective sports in heavily competitive states/regions. Middle daughter was tiny when she started K and was tiny when she went to state championships in 3 different sports and did well. She was still tiny as a D1 athlete!
All graduated from public high schools, some participated in the G&T programs, some did not. One of 2 that did not participate tested profoundly gifted and had absolutely no desire to be in a G&T program. He “wanted to be a regular kid”, his words. Now this was the same child that was asked not to return to preschool due to his refusal to glue macaroni to a plate. He is the one I speak of most often on the premed forum. He went from not wanting to follow the rules to being accepted to all 3 service academies, showing an incredible amount of self-discipline!! After he was accepted EA to MIT on his accepted student visit he was there a few hours and decided it was NOT for him and arranged another visit to another school ending his MIT visit early by 2 days. He has a late Nov birthday and started K on time with 12/1 cut-off. (he also went on to val for high school, 3 undergrad degrees, and his MD/MBA).
As far as driving, all mine could do that on their dime and time, but that is another topic. My boys were all football players, they started small and grew bigger, but not HUGE. Not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. Middle daughter was sandwiched between her 3 brothers by birth order and she could run circles around them! They were competitive with each other since birth, still are to this day!
I agree with the idea of watching your daughter grow and blossom and giving her the gift of time. But not buying her time but making the time you have with her count and really count. I know your hours are limited, I really do know but your time to play and read, and dream with her will be the most important. Her love of reading and learning will be driven by you and the joy you both will share in it.
My boys were not naturally athletically gifted as their sister, but practice and hard work go a lot further than talent any day. Help her find something she loves and encourage her, sports isn’t just athletics but commitment, loyalty to your team, the ability to show up and to lose gracefully and pick yourself back up.
You will always hear “that’s not what everyone else is doing” from other parents and eventually you might hear it from her…but it is what you and her mommy believe is all that matters. Ever. And stick to it. You. are. her. daddy.
As her parents you will have the most influence on her life, not her birthday cut-off for K.
Kat
@Bigredmed - I haven’t read through the entire thread, so my thoughts may have been expressed already.
I was that kid
I was the third youngest in my kindergarten class, my elementary classes, my HS class (of over 400)
I was the second smallest kid every single year
I was the kid who just turned 17 competing against kids about to turn 19 in my senior year
I am that parent
I am that parent who had to decide, one more year of being a kid, or one year closer to being an adult
I am that parent who held my kid back to be 18 when graduating HS
I have NEVER heard a parent say “I wish I had started my kid earlier”
I have NEVER heard a teacher say “I wish kids started school earlier”
JMHO
They changed the cut off the year my D was born, but gave kids with fall birthdays the option of starting early just for her kindergarten cohort. We decided to wait another year, so she would be older. I regretted that choice for her first few years of elementary school. She was very advanced academically and seemed so far ahead of her peers.
But, then came middle school. I remember looking at all of the 6th grade girls the year my D was in 5th grade and feeling so grateful we had kept her home that extra year. She was not ready socially for the dynamics of middle school; it would have been a much more difficult transition than it was a year later when she was older and more mature.
Also, we never planned on our D being a college athlete, but she ended up progressing enough in a sport to be recruited to some great schools. She was a late bloomer in her sport, however, and saw a lot of improvement in her junior year. She wasn’t on many coaches radars until then. Things would have turned out very differently if she hadn’t had that extra year to develop.
For us, keeping her home that year was one of the best choices we made for her, even if we didn’t know it then. From a selfish perspective, I got an extra year at home with my girl. It was a win/win all around.
Finally, to answer your last question, I am not sure how many parents in your district are holding their kids back, but if most summer birthday kids start K at the age of 6 it might be a little harder for the younger kids. If I was on the fence at all I would err on the side of starting older.
We had a friend who deeply regretted holding her daughter back. She ended up being so far ahead academically that she ended up outpacing course offerings in middle school and her family ended up homeschooling the rest of the way. She ended up graduating high school at 16 and moving on to college early because she needed the academic challenge.
Didn’t read all the posts but I’ll just say as a parent of 2 summer babies (July and Aug) that we did NOT hold our kids back.
My husband is a serious tennis player (played D1 in college) and his reaction to the idea when some folks asked us was at the time was “You don’t get better playing down the tennis ladder.” This applies to academics and sports. For me, the biggest reason NOT to hold back was I didn’t want my kids’ first experience in school to be boredom which is what I feared would have happened if they were oldest kids, esp. b/c they were fortunate to have high quality preschool. There were no red flags on why we WOULD hold back, so we did’t. (Our state cut off date is end of Aug.)
Fast forward: my D ended up getting her full height by age 11/12 – that was awkward enough in 5th grade but would have been even worse in 4th grade. She’s also exceeding bright, and I’m sure would indeed have been bored first years of school if we’d held her back. It would have been a big mistake to keep her out a year – no doubt at all.
My S (now almost 15) is on the physically small size and has always skewed younger – so if he had been a grade younger he would have done fine… But he was academically and emotionally ready to start and has not had any issues being in his current grade. Boys mature at such different rates between 12 and 16 there’s just always a huge range of sizes, etc. So, don’t regret starting him on time, but if we had, prolly would have turned out fine.
I think there’s a risk that holding back for leadership/confidence can actually backfire to mean “I’m bored and don’t fit in” which could make a young kid more checked out early years of school.
Finally, driving late is a bit of a stinker (I was young for my grade too – Oct bday), but in the scheme of things, not that big a deal.
What you REALLY need is a crystal ball, right? 
Enjoy these times with your D and good luck!
"I have NEVER heard a parent say “I wish I had started my kid earlier”
And yet I’ve heard plenty of people say I wish I could retire a year (or more) earlier.
I would be interested to see the statistics of how much being held back a year delays subsequent milestones like finishing college, getting married, buying a house and having your own children (not to mention delaying the parents’ ability to retire if they are paying to raise their kids for an extra year).
I considered my November D as having a late birthday (cut off Dec 31), but I have to say that I NEVER considered myself having a late birthday in August (same Dec. 31 cut-off.)
When school ends in June (the 6th month out of 12) about half the class celebrated their birthday, and half had not. I never viewed myself as younger and never felt my birthday effected me in any way.
S1 & DIL will have to grapple with this issue when my baby GD is ready to start school. She has an early Nov birthday, and the state where they’ll likely live has a 12/1 cutoff, which she would make.
S is adamant that she’ll start when she’s eligible, based on his own experience. When he started school with a June birthday and a 12/31 cutoff, he was far from the youngest, but he skipped a grade in elementary school, which definitely made him th youngest. Although some kids teased him for being young & he couldn’t drive when his friends could, he doesn’t regret being the youngest and would do it again.
DIL is smartly not making such pronouncemets, which she realizes will be better made when they see how she’s doing at the time the decisiion needs to be made. However, the decision will not be made based on GD’s size. She’s tiny now, both DIL and S are short, and GD is likely to be short regardless of when she starts school.
September 1 is cutoff here. First child born two weeks after cut off. He was very bright and ready academically, socially and emotionally to start 2 weeks before his 5th birthday. SO glad they did not allow early starts. The next summer when he started on time with his age cohorts I was amazed at the difference I had seen in that year that I never would have guessed the year before. I am so glad he missed that cutoff.
2nd child born 2 weeks prior to September one. At every milestone she was ahead of where my son had been. There was never a question of holding her back socially, emotionally or academically.
These two were 2 years apart in age but only one year apart in school. Throughout their entire school years I noticed the difference of her being the youngest vs him being the oldest. She never struggled but it definitely made a difference. And she often compared herself to him and lost some confidence through the years. We often had to remind ourselves that she was 2 years younger not just one.
I followed the school guidelines and they were fine but I feel the one who was the oldest had an easier time than the one who was youngest in the class.
My kids’ elementary school would do some preliminary observations of each child to see if redshirting was warranted. They’d invite all kids who would be 5 by the Sept 1 cutoff date to attend kindergarten for a day in the late spring. The teachers would then observe them and let the parents know if they felt the child would be ready by Sept.
Some parents chose to hold back their child even if the teachers thought they’d be fine, and a few pushed their kids into kindy anyway, usually with negative consequences. Although it’s certainly the parent’s right to decide, I think it’s wise to listen to the opinions of experts, who see a classroom of peers year after year and know what normal development looks like.
Our cutoff is 9/15. I started K old, having a 10/2 birthday. I ended up skipping first grade which was definitely good for me, and ended up the youngest but only by a month.
My girls both went to K in the year they should, but DD’17 with 9/30 birthday was one of the oldest and DD’19 with 8/26 was one of the youngest. For both of them this was fine (though DD’17 was a very tall kindergartner!). DD’19 was very ready academically and socially at not-quite-five (but tiny). DD’17 may have gotten a smidge of advantage in track being older but not much.
The thing that made me the happiest was they ended up only 2 years apart in school, despite being nearly 3 years apart in age. They are best friends to each other. In high school they had the same friend group and did a lot of things together. Just two weeks earlier for DD’17 and two weeks later for DD’19 would have made them 4 years apart in school which I just can’t imagine.
Yes! So true.
Obviously medical school and associated training takes forever. I personally was on the shorter end of high school to REAL paycheck as I didn’t take any gap years, UG only in 4 years, got in on my first application cycle, did a shorter residency but still had 3 years of fellowship so 14 years of schooling/training after HS graduation, but it meant I was 32 when I finally got to my actual expected salary. One of my best friends in residency was only 24 when she graduated medical school (combination of young age to start kindergarten and graduated college in 3 years) and at times I’ve been envious of her position. And of course I feel lucky compared to my med school friends who were 27 or even 30 when they started.
My own personality is to always have some sort of super long range goal (wanted to be a doctor from the time I was 4, so it was the overarching theme of my formative years), and now that goal has been retirement savings and I can’t help but look at the math and think that a couple extra years could make a pretty big difference.