<p>My son’s good friend (let’s call him “John”)had one of his college roommates up to visit for a week. I guess they all had a great time until a couple of nights before the roommate (let’s call him “Dan”) was due to leave. They were in John’s bedroom and Dan, out of the blue told John he would like to perform a certain sex act on John. John politely refused, Dan left a day or two later and now John is dreading going back to school because of this awkward situation. It’s not that the kid made the pass, I think John feels badly that he didn’t handle the situation smoothly and deflect w a graceful refusal. My advice was to talk w him as soon as they’re back and school and say something like" if I was gay, I’m sure we could date, but even though i 'm straight, no hard feelings and I think of you as a good friend, blah, blah…" Does that sound reasonably friendly enough to diffuse the awkwardness of their last encounter?</p>
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He doesn’t need to say that much–just, “Dude, I’m straight.” And then fire up Super Smash Brothers. Or say nothing, just fire up Super Smash Brothers. This is how guys typically deal with awkwardness–by NOT talking about it.</p>
<p>Ditto Hunt. It’s been handled already awkwardly or not.</p>
<p>classic mom answer followed nicely by Hunt with the classic guy answer…toooo funny.</p>
<p>I’m probably overthinking this, but wonder why your son shared this story with you?</p>
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<p>Pretty sure this would make it more awkward, not less… agree that if they MUST talk about it, your son should just go with Hunt’s line: “Dude, I’m straight.” That takes care of everything. No need for any other explanation. Assuming it is true, of course…</p>
<p>What would be declining gracefully beyond a “polite refusal”? And gotta say, at this point it is just gossip – it is your son’s friend and his roommate’s business – the kid on the receiving end of the pass really should have kept his mouth shut altogether, IMHO, and your kid certainly shouldn’t be discussing it with other people like his parent if his friend did confide in him. I personally would tell my kid this if they came to me with this story, and suggest that he NOT share it any further.</p>
<p>^^my reaction would be much different. I can’t imagine many college students wanting a parent’s advice on how to handle this situation. Maybe they exist. Maybe lots of them exist and I just don’t happen to know any. I have known kids who raise these sorts of scenarios to gauge a parent’s reaction. It can be a way to ease into a coming out, or decide about coming out. My own son made several tries before he managed it. I was expecting it and still couldn’t understand what he was talking about or what point he was trying to make.</p>
<p>Of course, I don’t know cheekymoney or her/his son and have no clue what the point of this discussion was and as I said, I’m overthinking. BTW, cheekymonkey - I think your reaction to the request for advice was really excellent :)</p>
<p>adding: I have no idea if cheekymonkey is a mom or dad.</p>
<p>To be fair, I would say the same thing to my kid about sharing the story around whether it had been a same sex pass or an opposite sex pass – it is bad manners to discuss your sex life with others, and certainly gossip to spread it any further if someone does confide in you. Unless someone is at risk in some way, that is a different story. </p>
<p>I suppose alh could be onto something about the OP’s son (or… the OP’s friend? Who knows if he is even telling the truth about turning the pass down – maybe he is checking out the OP’s son’s reaction…). There are a lot of possibilities, I guess.</p>
<p>My son has been good friends w “John” since kindergarten and, I heard about this last night as they were drinking beer and we were all sitting around a “last hurrah” type meal before they go to school. I have never met the other young man and John’s point was he wasn’t offended or upset over the pass, it was that he, John handled the situation so poorly, I think he feels badly for the other kid. He brought it up in the context of " what would you do" type scenario. Also my son’s comment was a funny quip about " never turn down love…"</p>
<p>And my son’s stepbrother, who does hit for the other team, was there as well. And he thought it would be awkward also. Maybe it’s a guy thing?</p>
<p>So maybe John was taking the opportunity to ask your son’s stepbrother for reassurance/advice? now this makes more sense to me. I thought your son was privately reporting to you a conversation with John, etc, and asking for advice to then pass on to John…</p>
<p>I really do overthink…</p>
<p>all sound like very nice young men</p>
<p>No, getting info out of my son is like pulling teeth. Sorry I should have been more specific. I’m sure they’ll muddle along like teens do</p>
<p>If I was John I would just avoid Dan as much as possible from now on. That’s pretty much a friendship killer right there.</p>
<p>They are suit mates this september</p>
<p>Wow. Does this approach apply to opposite sex interactions also?</p>
<p>Edited to add: I intended to quote Vladenshutte, to whom my reply is addressed.</p>
<p>I mean suite !</p>
<p>So he brought it up with a group of friends and parents… that makes it even less attractive behavior in my book. Sorry, I feel like John is hiding behind “did I do the right thing?” and wanting just to spread the story. Which he clearly succeeded in doing…</p>
<p>So they were roommates or suit mates before or just beginning in Sept? John knew Dan well enough to invite him home to visit and didn’t know he was gay? Dan didn’t know John was straight? sexual invitation is out of the blue? How is all that possible?
still musing…</p>
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<p>Well, that certainly is awkward. </p>
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<p>Probably not. At least they’d have the right sexual orientation. Because heterosexuality is the norm, homosexuals are generally expected to be more low-key and tactful than that, ESPECIALLY when they do not know the sexual orientation of the other.</p>
<p>Inparent- he’s really a lovely person. Why shouldn’t he mention it? No one is judging the other boy. No one cares if the suite mate is gay. It was the sheer awkwardness of this invitation coming out of the blue . And Alh- yes, they were suite mates last yr and he says he had no idea that Dan was/ is gay. I guess it was a casual invite as Dan was passing thru the area and yes, he says it out if the blue. Not even a hand on the knee or a shoulder rub. Just " would you like a b…" That’s why John is so nonplussed.</p>