<p>My daughter wants a Facebook account like “everybody else”. What do you think about it for her age? I think technically you’re supposed to be 13. I’m not overprotective, more an in the middle sort of parent, but for some reason I’m squeamish about the idea. My daughter assures me that its “safe” and that she has to invite friends to look at her page, but I still don’t know. My husband is going to ask a bit about it at work and see what his friends there say. I know she won’t be able to post a photo of herself on it. Some of her classmates are in bikinis, etc. and that’s not happenning. Any advice?</p>
<p>I have an 11 yr old and in her social group, Facebook is not yet acceptable. She does have an AIM account and it really IS just for people you invite. I have let her participate in different social neworks ( usually associated with toys and games ) she does understand that it is in no way acceptable to converse with unknown people and follows that rule. I do monitor her activity and there has never been a problem.</p>
<p>As far as 12 yr olds in bikinis…no way. My 18 yr old even knew this rule when she was on myspace yrs ago and thankfully never participated in it…in fact the girls that did were sort of mocked for it.</p>
<p>As parents ,we are all faced with the dilemma of where our kids should or should not be on the internet.</p>
<p>My feeling is that you need to discuss all concerns, set the boundaries and instill the same values and safety concerns as you would if they were at the school bus stop, or opening the door to a stranger.</p>
<p>Tha being said, 11 yr old had ( past tense ) a friend who was a classmate who got herself on facebook…she is overweight and desperate for attention from boys ( the other girls are not quite there yet, thank goodness ) </p>
<p>Daughter and her peers are worried about her, but her mother seems a bit oblivious and maybe a bit too wrapped up in her own issues to pay attention to what her girl is up to…it became an issue with my daughter and this girl, but I honestly do not feel comfortable enough with this mother to bring it up without sounding condescending or nosy.</p>
<p>I no longer let my child hang out with this girl because I feel it is a bad idea. But the truth is, this girl wants nothing to do with my daughter because she thinks she is a tattletail</p>
<p>Perhaps you could set some conditions, such as accessing her account . I know that would go over like a turd in the punchbowl , but maybe that is what she needs.</p>
<p>If you are worried , but want to be a “cool parent”, tell her she can have it, but you’ll get one too, and she must friend you. That way you’ll be able to see what’s on her page.</p>
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Not exactly. You really need to tell her that you need her password and permission to sign on anytime. Because savvy kids who want to keep thinks from parents CAN, even if they befreind you. They can set nearly everything to show or not show. You could sign on and not realize that you can’t see certain photos, or that you can’t see certain wall posts, or bumper stickers, etc. She can keep sections of facebook so that when you click on her page, you don’t see it. And she can chat, and send messages that you won’t see. At 12, I think you have to be careful. And facebook is not like myspace. You put your real name and DOB, and I think you have to be 13 to legally have an account. And if your info is not correct, you can be reported and your account deleted. There are some things that make it safer than myspace. But just being her friend does not mean you will have access to everything on her facebook.</p>
<p>And finally, not everyone has a closed facebook account. She could sign on and be bored and seach, and find pages of men and women in their teens, twenties and thirties with some rather inappropriate material posted. Material that can be seen by anyone who happens on their page. And my D was asked to be a friend to a real creepy guy on facebook who was ■■■■■■■■ for friends. His pics were really inappropriate (but not truly pornographic so they could stay), and his messages were sick. She deleted him immediately after she realized she didn’t know him. But not before she got two weird “private messages” in her inbox. He had a rather common sounding name. And she is in college.</p>
<p>^A kid THAT savvy would not be asking permission. She’d just open an account, and you’d never know about it.
True. But it’s not that strict, and not that hard to get around. My dog has his own account, so I am sure a 12 y.o. can get one.</p>
<p>In our house is 9th grade, but unfortunately our younger daughter has messed up a few times this year, so her getting an acct has been delayed until after Christmas. It is with a condition that she has to befriend her older sister. Many of our younger daughter’s friends already have facebook, but it doesn’t appear to be must have yet.</p>
<p>1) Facebook has no real enforcement policy
2) On the other hand, you can set your profile to be completely private–i.e. no one who isn’t your friend will be able to see it (even your profile picture if you set one). It will just display your name and regional network if anyone searches for you. I’m sure there are ways to hack this, but it would take real effort.</p>
<p>This is helpful. I"m going to show my husband and talk it over over the weekend. It seems to be a “must have” here, but so is a brand new luxury vehicle on your 16th bday so we don’t pay attention to what everybody else is doing! If we have access to it all that may be the clincher. Thanks so much!</p>
<p>Don’t let her have it. I have a facebook. And its not private at all. Her page could be private but it still shows other ppl who she left a comment to and that person doesn’t have to be on the friend list. It could just be someone who is on her friend friend’s list. And she could even put a fake name as her name, but facebook will automatically knows who she is, just by the e-mail you give them. Like for example, you could say her name is " DeBra Counshy" and you put a fake name as " Mayra Lorn". Its going to show up as “DeBra Counshy.” Also, ppl could easily find her, as long as they know her name or know what school she went to. Its not really safe at all. I advice you not to let her have one because whether she has picture or not. No matter what ppl are going to know who she is.</p>
<p>I think it’s too young personally. S1 didn’t get one until summer before junior year, at 16. I will probably let S2 get one this summer, as he begins HS. He’ll be 14. He’s been very responsible with his e-mail, so I’ll trust him with this. Especially thanks to the idea above of making sure his big brother friends him.</p>
<p>At their HS, Facebook is how you find out about club mtgs, etc. It’s not such a luxury.</p>
<p>Also, I wouldn’t put a real, recent pic on there. S1 has a hilarious pic from when he was about 5, and his friends love it.</p>
<p>I would set the limit at high school for Facebook. There is nothing a junior high age kid should be allowed to do that can’t be done over IM and cellphones.</p>
<p>Both of my Standard Poodles had Facebook accounts and they sure had some creepy people friends.</p>
<p>First of all, I think 12 is young. What grade is she in? My little sister just turned 13, but is in the 6th grade, and isn’t allowed to have one. Are you sure that Facebook is the norm where you live for kids that age and your daughter just isn’t saying that “everybody” has it? If she gets one you should be able to have access to it. For a 12 year old, I’d say having her username and password would be acceptable. Older than that, and I’d say as long as she’ll let you look through her page whenever you ask. You can sit with her and help her set it up. She should set her profile to be private so that only her friends can view her profile. Otherwise, in a regional network, just about anybody can look up her profile (which could include her address and phone number). In a school network, the alums and teachers can look at her profile.</p>
<p>My daughter is 13 and she is in 8th grade but she does not have a facebook. She does not want one. My 18 year old daughter created her facebook account after she was admitted to her college. Last year, her sister was friended with an unknown stranger from her college who’s living in the same town, he was kind of creepy looking, and that is my only reservation for a younger kid to have a facebook account.</p>
<p>Middle schools do not have Facebook networks. It starts at the high school level. Middle schoolers, especially 8th graders, make accounts anyway and just join the HS networks. Who sees what is determined by privacy settings–even in HS networks, you can limit what other people can see to just your name.</p>
<p>I don’t quite think these are a necessity in middle school but it’s not necessarily unsafe.</p>
<p>Well, here they start in about 4th grade.</p>
<p>After reading in the papers etc. of problems, I said no way for facebook or myspace in middle school. IM was ok, and of course there was some text messaging. Now in HS, I was told at the beginning that it was essential, and I guess I believe that it could be, so I said yes. That said, my kid at least listened to me in this regard. We know other HS kids that do things behind their parents’ backs. Some of the kids try to collect as many people for their friends as possible, and I can see a downside to that. I think 14 or 15 year olds are more mature than 12 year olds, and there still is a potential for problems in HS and in college.</p>
<p>One thing kids do is to post party pictures on Facebook. It is great if your kid is very popular and gets invited to all the parties. It is very difficult when your kid is the one that gets left out, and then find out about those parties on Facebook. Middle school is a tough period, especially for girls. I think they all become witches for those 2-3 years.</p>
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<p>“become witches” is an understatement. We received prank phone call about “pregnancy test came back positive” or something like that. Good thing, I caught on early and told my kid to ignore it. It’s a statement that these kids have problem and to my kid not to get involved.</p>
<p>Our high school held a meeting regarding internet safety. They had an FBI agent and a police officer as well as a college student talk to us about Facebook and Myspace both. They all felt that while Facebook is pretty secure, that the average age of myspace users, somewhere around the late 30’s, was much more a place for “trollers” and didn’t recommend it at all for high schoolers. Also, they indicated that socially it is appropriate these days for kids to be on facebook and my sons do receive notices about school clubs, etc. on facebook. I have my son’s sign on and password and do check it regularly. I’m always surprised at the photos that some kids post. They have to realize that parents do get on facebook. And, as the FBI agent noted, once a photo is posted to the internet, it is there FOREVER. All someone has to do is drag the photo onto their desktop and it becomes someone else’s property FOREVER. You can set the privacy settings and I recommend doing so, but as previously stated, anything your child writes on someone else’s wall can be seen my lots of other people, many of whom you won’t even know.</p>
<p>All being said, I recommend getting very familiar with facebook when your child signs up. In my mind, it is a privilege for high school. I think they need a certain maturity and judgment to use facebook. Middle school? Too young. They have to have something to look forward to :)</p>
<p>Wow. This thread makes me very, very glad facebook didn’t exist until I was in college!</p>
<p>Facebook isn’t as safe as it used to be; in olden days you needed a college email address and everyone used their real name. Now it’s basically myspace with cleaner layouts, but it still seems safer… which in some ways makes it more dangerous.</p>