<p>" a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.</p>
<p>Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage – either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship – having separated compared to just 9 percent of couples without children born before marriage.</p>
<p>Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.</p>
<p>A couple’s parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.</p>
<p>Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.</p>
<p>Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband – not the wife – was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only 9 percent of couples with healthy finances.</p>
<p>And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.</p>
<p>Be careful about statistics. They fit the general demographics of course, but you are in no way compelled to obey their direction.</p>
<p>My dad, for example, was 9 years older than my mom. Their marriage lasted 52 years, until his death in 2006.</p>
<p>My wife, who is in her second marriage smokes. I on my first <a href=“and%20to%20my%20mind%20only”>i</a>* marriage, do not smoke. We’ve been married 12 years and are still very happy with each other.</p>
<p>Love is a decision, so is a happy marriage.</p>
<p>Sounds like a lot of common sense stuff in the article. If you’d read books on marriage, whether general books or stuff you’d find in a social work library, you’d probably run across this stuff.</p>
<p>We had a thread on arranged marriages vs “love” quite some time ago and there are some areas of objectivity in an arranged marriage where love can be blind.</p>
<p>Ironic that you happened to post this study today, NSM, as it is my 25th wedding anniversary today! I noticed the study (and the article) were from Australia. Wonder if that happens to make any difference with respect to the variables they looked at.</p>
<p>And MBAGrad, you have my respect and admiration. Being with someone who smoked was a total deal-breaker for me. I am allergic to cigarette smoke (eyes run, I cough, etc) and I simply cant stand the smell, taste, etc of a smoker.</p>
<p>Well jym626, there is more to the story, of course. First off, Mikki gave up smoking completely before she became pregnant with our daughter, and did not smoke at all until our daughter was 5. She had smoked because her culture (from Hong Kong) and due to a lot of stress in her life before we met. After she went back to work, she became stressed and started smoking again, but always outside the house and never more than 4 cigarettes a day. One reason our marriage works is because we talk about everything and understand each other. Sure, I wish Mikki would stop smoking but it’s a small blip on the radar, far outweighed by more important things I love about her.</p>
<p>That said, congratulations on your 25th anniversary! I married late so Mikki and I will be 62 when we get there.</p>
<p>^^^ Thanks!! and congrats to you too, mbagrad, for having such an open relationship and being so supportive.</p>
<p>I married late (I dated a few guys for several years, but didnt marry them) so this is also my first, and hopefully only marriage. Sounds like I am not all that much younger than Mikki (well, 6 yrs or so) . My H is 4 1/2 yrs younger than I am, and we were both over 25 when we married, so it looks like the statistics are in our favor :)</p>
<p>Interesting. Smoking is a problem for me as well; married to an ex-smoker who has had several relapses during our 22 year marriage that caused much tension (do they really think you can’t smell the smoke on their clothes?)</p>
<p>Congrats jym!
Married 22 years to an on again off again smoker - but we meet the rest of the criteria, so I guess we’re good to go!
I still wish he could give it up for good but the economic stress of the last year proved a bit too much for him.
PS I would think wife’s employment status would positively affect the durability of the marriage - as in more $$ coming in. Being a SAHM for a 7+ years is a real regret I have as far as progress in my own career is concerned but at the time I think it was our best option. It’s just a little hard to see that now with 2 tuitions on our plate.</p>
<p>Thanks, woody!! I <em>almost</em> made plans to join some friends for dinner tonight until I realized the date. :o Oops. So instead DH and I are going to dinner and a play. We took a spontaneous day trip to a nearby resort last Friday, rented bicycles and rode around their gardens, the ruins of the original estate on the property, and on the golfcart paths. We had considered staying over (which is what we told DS) but chose instead to have a nice dinner and then head home. Came home around 10:30 pm to discover DS had 4 girls over! :eek: I guess this will either keep me young or kill me!</p>
<p>As for the wife working-- I think it could have mixed impact on a marriage. I am glad I continued to work, but I also fortunately have a H who is willing to help with childcare/transportation, cooking, etc when he’s in town, and we were able to have help (au pairs, housekeepers, etc) as we have no family in town. At one point early in our marriage, I earned more than DH. Fortunately we didnt care (some spouses do) and, with the changes in his career and mine, that changed. These are all issues that impact families and can impact marriages. I really respect your decision to stay home with the kids for 7+ years. </p>
<p>Didn’t mean to hijack the thread, NSM. Its interesting to discuss variables that make marriages last.</p>
<p>** crossposted with DougBetsy. Thanks too!!!</p>
<p>Happy Day jym! Binx: we used to joke that whoever wanted to leave had to take the kids and both dogs! Of course, during those early crazy full house days I also used to say that our welcome mat should say “abandon hope all ye who enter here.”</p>
<p>Helenback (I LOVE your screenname, by the way):
We used to joke that we would never divorce because neither of us would take the kids!</p>
<p>I also claim, since I was older when I married, that I never had that first early marriage/divorce thing-- I skipped the first marriage and went right to the second/late first marriage (that didnt come out right, but you know what I mean…)</p>
<p>LOL binx-- we cross posted (I was on the phone with DH)
Thanks to both you and to ebeeeee ( who I see also is like-minded with the kids and pets)</p>
<p>I would have thought that wife’s employment would have been a factor…not that it would have caused the divorce, but that a woman who has the financial means to leave doesn’t have to put up with as much crap unless she wants to.</p>