<p>My husband and I became engaged when I was nineteen years old and a sophmore in college. He was going to begin law school in the fall. Our parents never said a word; they were nothing but loving and supportive, though they must have thought we were out of our minds. Fast forward thirty-five years. We made it through college, law school, business school, began careers. We are still married and have a lovely daughter who has been exceptionally close to her grandparents. However, I sometimes wonder what might have happened if either set of parents had disapproved of our marriage or asked us to wait. (Nothing they might have said could have stopped us.) Anyway, I hope I am able to show the same love and trust, and wisdom, they showed if I’m ever presented with a future son-in-law.</p>
<p>If the OP has a Kindle, she can download a funny but insightful book called something like “How To Be a Magnificent Mother In Law” for free. It boils down to “don’t interfere” and"keep your mouth shut." Howeverr, it is a fun read–and it’s free.</p>
<p>Ackk! And here I am in the midst of wedding planning! Good thing we like the future H. In our circle groom’s family does help with wedding finances. Usually bar bill, rehearsal dinner, bride’s flowers and photographer. If they are very nice and they want lots of people invited then we know lots of families who split the total cost. Even more are splitting 3 ways…Bride’s family, Groom’s family and couple. Unfortunately D’s future family-in-law isn’t one of those offering to help with anything…:(</p>
<p>I wouldn’t give the money right now either. Give it at the wedding. The number of engagements that don’t make it to a wedding is pretty decently large. I know a number myself. This way, if you are asked to help out with the wedding or honey moon or other things, you can have a talk with your son about how much you can give all together, including as part of the wedding gift.</p>
<p>While I wouldn’t give it now either, do NOT wait until the wedding. If the “kids” suspect that’s what you’ll do, they will put it on their credit cards and pay interest–possibly very high interest.</p>
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<p>What a relief. I am happy for you that the visit went well.</p>
<p>Wow, silpat! Sounds like great visit!! Thanks for the update.
Small, lo-key and casual - sounds wonderful to me!!</p>
<p>That’s great news! And I think “small, low key and casual” should relieve any anxiety that you have about the cost of the wedding and who pays.</p>
<p>Yea! Great news.</p>
<p>Yes, I’m glad to hear it went well. It sounds like your son genuinely loves you and his dad and wants you in his life. That’s a good thing.</p>
<p>silpat, I’m glad it went to so well. Kudos to you and your husband for handling the situation with love and compassion.</p>
<p>“Her sister had kegs at her wedding.”</p>
<p>Small, low-key, and casual. I’m thinking. . .“Bring on the KEGS!”</p>
<p>–or one keg, at least.</p>
<p>(I’m also thinking. . .“Who DOESN’T have kegs at their wedding?!”)</p>
<p>Bumping this thread-silpat, is there progress on wedding plans? How are you feeling about the FDIL?</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID RAZR using CC</p>
<p>Dg50…this thread is from 2010. “next fall” in silpats post would have been fall 2011.</p>
<p>Hoping the wedding happened as planned.</p>
<p>happy anniversary!</p>
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