<p>My H helped his nephew, N, a 2011 college graduate and son of H’s brother (HB), obtain a paid job with a startup in which H is involved. H admits if N was not a relative N would not have been hired. After several months of working with N, H has stated that N lacks maturity and motivation and needs mentoring.</p>
<p>We offered to let N live with us until he could find a place of his own. N arrived in Fall 2011. N never contacted me before N moved into our residence. When N lived with us he spent his free time playing on line games. N behaved like a young adolescent rather than a young man embarking on his first post college job.</p>
<p>His mother, SIL, contacted me several times before N moved in with us. First, SIL expressed the concern that N might be a user of illegal drugs and asked that both H and I speak with N about her concerns. This made me nervous about agreeing that N could live in our home. Once N was living in our household SIL claimed N was seriously depressed and had been under the care of a therapist.</p>
<p>As far as we could determine after talking to N both of SIL’s claims were false and HB said SIL had misspoke. Then SIL made plans for N which involved vacation time that N had not yet earned. N claimed he did not realize he needed to request the time off. I saw this as an indication that SIL believed N would receive special treatment since N was a relative and that N was clueless.</p>
<p>SIL informed my H that they would be visiting us in December so they could see N. We were not consulted.</p>
<p>These are just the highlights – there were several other incidents. At one point SIL called my H and claimed I was creating a hostile environment in our home for N.</p>
<p>After two months N moved into a place of his own. A few weeks later my H received a terse email from HB stating they would not be visiting us after all.</p>
<p>We had what I thought was a good relationship with SIL and HB before N was hired. I had never seen or experienced such behavior from them previously. Now, they give me (but not my H) the cold shoulder and we no longer speak. </p>
<p>Earlier this week HB requested that we invite N to our home for dinner on a regular basis and include him in social events. My H already takes N to lunch three to four times per week and they also work in the same office. When N lived with us he was included in our family dinners and we invited him to join us at events outside our home.</p>
<p>I believe N needs to live his own life rather than continuing to depend on us. I am also reluctant to interact with N since the situation has become very uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Advice? I know this posting may sound farfetched, but it really happened and has seriously impacted my life.</p>
<p>I have not included information about my own children, who are college students, as they were away at college when N lived in our household.</p>