A friend of mine is getting divorced. He had a business overseas. He is accused by his wife of taking family money and spending the money on his girl friend. She says the overseas business was a sham. A cover so he could take family money and invest the money overseas for himself and his girl friend. Depositions were taken. Overseas business tax returns were given to the wife’s lawyers. Invoices match the returns.
The wife is saying everything is made up. (This is false). My friend just received a letter from his wife’s attorneys. In the letter were dozens of questions like what was this credit card charge made in San Diego on Feb 23 2002?
Most of the questions were already answered in depositions. Time is money. When can my friend say, " enough is enough.
I already answered your questions. You have accused me of many things. Your accusations are false. You have zero proof of the accusations. There is no money hidden overseas".
His lawyers say answer the questions. His wife will look worse in court if she keeps asking the same questions over and over.
In the mean time, hundreds of thousands have been spent in this case.
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were dozens of questions like what was this credit card charge made in San Diego on Feb 23 2002?
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2002? How long was he having an affair?
If he isn’t being accused of having an affair, and therefore wasn’t spending money years ago on a GF, then what would that question be about?
Sounds to me that he’s being accused of having an affair (or affairs) and that he spent “community property” money on his “dates”. Is that what is going on?
How long has he been with this GF? If the relationship started AFTER the separation, then can’t he show evidence of when the relationship started? (phone records, etc)
If the relationship started before (especially long before) the separation, then he could be guilty (and likely would be guilty) of having spent community property money on his GF.
Likely a forensic accountant is finding some suspicious stuff???
Sounds like he’s quite affluent, so if he was seeing this GF for awhile (before the separation) then he could have a hard time convincing a judge that he wasn’t spending any money on her.
Unfortunatelt, it is never enough for some people. If one party is unreasonable, angry/vengeful, then they stand a good chance of wasting all the assets on lawyers. We did a mediator. Much cheaper, they kept us both focused and we both were ok in the end. I knew I could “get more”, as my first lawyer said, but then I have to see a man who hates me until my kids are grown. No thanks.
People do not act rationally in divorces, especially if one party feels wronged. The demands are punitive against the cheating spouse and the attorneys are happy to comply because they can run up the bill. Your friends sound like they have deep pockets; or they might look into mediation to settle the property division. They could agree to a divorce first and a property agreement later but that is not a great idea.
Perhaps your friend should agree to a more generous settlement in lieu of spending the money on legal fees.
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Perhaps your friend should agree to a more generous settlement in lieu of spending the money on legal fees.
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This^^
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especially if one party feels wronged. The demands are punitive against the cheating spouse and the attorneys are happy to comply because they can run up the bill.
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Exactly.
If the wife feels that she can prevent the GF from benefiting from the wealth that the married couple accumulated, then she’s going to make sure that her soon-to-be-ex and his GF have a little money as possible after the divorce.
Few women would want a GF (especially if there was an affair) to be living in the lap of luxury on dollars that were accumulated during the marriage. This wife may be secretly thinking that if she can “drain” her husband, then the GF will go “bye bye” because he won’t look so appealing with less money.
A friend of mine had a spouse who spent at least $60K on prostitutes, many abroad. He was picked up for soliciting a prostitute in a police sting operation at least 10 years before their divorce. He was registered on all kind of “dating” sites–and we’re not talking eharmony–and had pictures of his genitals on his computer. He apparently doesn’t know that she knows all this. It didn’t come up in the divorce, and she has never told her children any of it.
He also had at least one acknowledged affair before and during their separation and divorce.
@dstark, I don’t have much sympathy for your unfaithful friend. I wonder how many “girlfriends” he has had…
I have no advice, but I do feel sad if there are children, even if they are adults, involved. It is very hard for children to lose respect for one or both parents.
If there are any kids in high school involved, they need to realize that their college application lists need to be merit-seeking, because all of their parents’ money is going to lawyers.
A good friend of mine wanted a divorce from his wife. There was no girlfriend, but he just couldn’t stand his ex-wife any more. He was a regular W2 well paid employee. She hired and accountant and private detective to go over his finance. It cost over 100K and they found nothing. My friend had to pay for it. The wife was in her right to do her research.
When there are kids involved, parents need to be reasonable in order not to waste money, but "“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”.
You have to keep answering depositions or other discovery questions until your attorneys get the judge to issue a protective order.
If the questions are overly burdensome, for example, an attorney can petition for a protective order for her client.
However, refusing to answer financial questions will make the judge think he is hiding something.
Eventually all the discovery will end. And then either their will be a mediated agreement or a judge will decide who was more credible and split the assets accordingly.
Absolutely in highly contested divorced the attorneys are the only parties who come out ahead. If they haven’t tried already they should attempt to mediate and close out all issues.
If the wife refuses mediation, the judge will not look favorably on that outcome.
My advice - answer the questions. Provide the financial information. Go to court looking like the good guy. Be straight with the judge. Move on with his life.
I didn’t even have to read your initial post to realize what this is about, I could tell from the title. I have seen this story play out over and over again. It’s about his cheating, not the money. She is enraged and wants to make him pay. They all start out telling the story about the crazy ex-wife (or soon to be ex-wife). She’s just nuts, irrational, I don’t know what’s wrong with her, nothing was my fault. And the kids don’t want to talk to him either, but somehow she is responsible for that too. Then eventually, out comes the picture of him and his new (younger and prettier) girlfriend, or wife. Guys can be such scumbags, and so oblivious to why the scorned older woman now hates them and will do anything to take them down. Even jump off the cliff with them, if that’s what it takes.
What can he do to stop this? Maybe beg forgiveness (with sincerity). Get the girlfriend to gain 50 pounds. Have his wife somehow find out how completely miserable he is. She needs to feel vindicated and glad to be rid of him. Whatever it takes for her to not hate his guts anymore. But I’ll bet that will not happen!
In my experience is it never REALLY about the money. It is about what the money represents. And it is about the history of the marriage. I often cautioned clients that their relatioship with me had to be about the assets…not about the marriage. However, they would invariably use me as a therapist…until the first bill. Your attorney is there to disentangle the two parties financially, and to make any necessary arrangments for the kids. People who want to fight their marriage battles in the divorce…will spend a lot of money and have nothing to show for it in return.
busdrive11 makes a good point. If I were the husband, I would try to meet with the wife, apologize to her for cheating on her, and promise to give her a good settlement. I would also do everything possible to bring the temperature down by 1) don’t parade the new GF around, 2) don’t say anything negative about the wife to friends and kids, 3) continue to support her financially…She may have some reasonable friends who would tell her to take the settlement and move on. If they have children, they may want to do what’s best for them.
In my opinion, very acrimonious, bitter divorces are a result of the depth of emotion in the relationship and often a sign, ironically, that the marriage could have been saved if both parties were willing. A marriage that was truly dead will have both parties just wanting it over with.
They were married in 2002. If that CC bill was for $10,000, for jewels, or for lodging at the Hotel Del, I would bring it up too…especially if the wife didn’t get jewels and wasn’t ON that vacation.
Appears he’s had the girlfriend for quite some time so substantial marital assets have been diverted. Why doesn’t he just make her an attractive settlement offer and be done with it? He can pay his wife or his lawyer – his choice. And if there are substantial assets, a portion of that settlement will eventually end up in the hands of his children anyway.
It never ceases to amaze me that men put these sorts of expenses on their credit cards – so easily traced and the records are maintained for years. But I am supposing these guys aren’t thinking with their brains……………
Sometimes it is about the money. My best friend is a well paid professional who was married to a successful lawyer. He was pleasant and contrite, she wanted to be reasonable for the kids and because she was close to the inlaws. He offered a generous settlement, they were pleasant. After it was all over, she found that he had used all of their kids’ college funds to put his girlfriend through law school and had pulled a almost of all the equity out of the house. Since he is a very smart lawyer and she didn’t do the research because she wanted to be pleasant, she was completely screwed in many different ways. His friends had no idea and would have thought she was a jealous shrew if she aggressively pushed, as would his family. He counted on putting on a good face to get away with spectacular dishonesty. I wonder if friends or outsiders ever really know what is in another couple’s closet.
And this husband had been with the girlfriend for more than a decade, so research that far would have been reasonable and prudent.