Blech. And he already has 4 of the 11 grandchildren and has by FAR the most money of any of us.
I think that we’re all actually named rather than “all grandchildren” due to… other… circumstances (as in there might already be more than 11 of us…) but I don’t know. I hope it doesn’t happen for a good long time because, you know, it’s my grandpa 
In my opinion, it’s best not to think about it or count on it. It can be corrosive when prospective recipients know what might be coming to them, emphasis on the word “might.” You have the right attitude, which is to remember it’s your grandfather you are considering.
My mother made a new will last year and left everything to be divided equally between me and my sister. In the event that either of us predeceases her, our share goes directly to our respective child(ren), who are named specifically. She has four and I have one. My S would get my half, and hers would share her half. Since we are both females in our 60s, neither of us is going to have more children. (My nieces all stand to inherit $$ from my BIL’s very wealthy family, and already have trust money, so this is more equitable than it might appear to some.)
Oh I’m not worried. I just don’t want my grandparents to stress about it. I’m not counting on anything and I hope that they spend it all down on themselves to be honest.
Consolation…IIRC from law school that is the per stipes method, I can’t remember what it is for every grandkid gets the same amount regardless of if you have 1 or 6 kids…
Yes, it’s the “per stirpes” (branch) method. Generally, it protects the next generation down in the event the named heir/beneficiary predeceases the grantor and it avoids having to know if the named heir/beneficiary is going to have more children, etc.
It’s as distinguished from “per capita.”
That actually sounds fair to me Consolation. The Grandparents can’t foresee who will die first and they shouldn’t have to “provide” for their grandchildren, they are giving a gift.
My FIL was involved in a crazy situation regarding heirs. He and 3 other men were joint owners of a piece of property. One of the men was a bit wild - had been married a few times and had a child outside of marriage too. He died. The three others want to sell the property but all sorts of heirs for the wild man come forward - current wife, ex wives, children. Just when they think they have it all sorted out another child surfaces. This one is in a foreign country and is disabled! Lawyers love this sort of thing, it pays their bills. Hopefully if he had been very specific in his will it would have simplified the whole business.
H and I have wills leaving everything to each other, and thereafter to our S. If I do inherit from my mother, I’ll have to think about whether I want to make a new will and leave all or part of it directly to my S and cut H (and any future wives) out.
I’m not counting on my inheritance money either, in my case my mom has been dead for almost 20 years but my sister decided to live in the family home since. She finally bought her new retirement home. The wait now is when she moves out so we can sell it and divide up.
My husband said he will not get married again but if something happens to me, I do worry somebody can sweet talk old people, mentally weak, into marriage just to scam money.
Just a thought. I’m sure that your mother and you have already considered this and been advised accordingly, but it may be preferable sometimes for gifts to skip a generation for estate tax purposes. The Federal limit is $5.43 million exemption per person / $10.86 million for a married couple if portability of the DSUE has been elected but state estate taxes can start at much lower limits and be as onerous. So that if you do not need or want the funds, your mother can arrange to leave directly to your S via her will or a testamentary trust.
Even if the amount is not presently large enough to exceed the estate tax limit(s) now, if there are 20+ years of life expectancy (for you) and many decades (for your S), then that’s a real possibility.
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My husband said he will not get married again but if something happens to me, I do worry somebody can sweet talk old people, mentally weak, into marriage just to scam money.
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When my widowed MIL was living in an assisted-living place, an older man was kind of hitting on her and was suggesting marriage. Turns out that he had gambling debts and was eyeing MIL as a money source.
@AttorneyMother, thanks. I do need the money, and it isn’t above the federal exemption.
In case anyone is inclined to learn about how your state handles inherited property in the dissolution of marriage, states have marital property statutes in their Family Codes. These laws provide the minimum default “settings” in a manner of speaking. Parties can modify (to the extent allowable and enforceable) by way of pre- or ante-nuptual agreements. Barring actually reading those statutes, which also have related interpretive case law, a good Google search should point you in the right direction. At least go read Nolo or Legal Zoom or something:
http://info.legalzoom.com/inheritance-received-during-marriage-subject-division-21180.html
Here’s the ABA website:
http://www.americanbar.org/groups/family_law/resources/family_law_in_the_50_states.html
It makes no sense to rely on anecdotal stories or he-said / she-said results.
I live in a community property state that also has forced heirship. It’s a relief to know my children would be taken care of, will or no will, but if I predecease H, he can simply move out of state and change his will.
I wouldn’t normally be so morose about this but the situation with my father is similar. In his will he leaves everything to his second wife, unless she should predecease him and then it goes to his children (he lives in a different state). He had the same will with my mother but I’m wondering why his lawyer didn’t advise him to change it a bit considering that his new wife would have no reason to leave anything to his children when she has children and grandchildren of her own. My sister and I do share being beneficiaries of his IRA along with his second wife. There’s not a huge amount of money, so in that sense it’s not a big deal. It just feels sad.
People dislike having to “lawyer” relationships and really hate having to pay legal fees, but if there are second marriages, blended families, or complicated property ownership structures (never mind phantom heirs), it’s necessary. DIY estate planning in those cases is very likely to result in unforeseen and unintended problems.
@greenwitch , It’s my understanding that a Qualified Terminable Interest Trust (QTIP) might have been the solution. But, then, trusts also have ongoing administrative expenses.
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the situation with my father is similar. In his will he leaves everything to his second wife, unless she should predecease him and then it goes to his children (he lives in a different state). He had the same will with my mother but I’m wondering why his lawyer didn’t advise him to change it a bit considering that his new wife would have no reason to leave anything to his children when she has children and grandchildren of her own.
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Have you and your sister considered asking your dad about this?
We have. But he’s too old and frail from Parkinson’s and I think it just makes him feel bad. His lawyer should have at least suggested he add a memo that would leave his children personal items from before his second marriage. We’ve let it go, but I won’t forget when making my own arrangements.
On the other hand, second wives can end up with a handful dealing with end of life. My parents were divorced, and my dad passed away after two horrendous years of dementia, cared for at home in Asia with his third wife and some dedicated caretakers. No will, and he mentioned a few years before he died that perhaps a will should be made, as siblings and I had a lot to inherit, or so he said… I don’t think he ever did make that will. His wife was not left in the best straights financially, though I don’t know the details. I don’t know if she has a will. Hard to say what will happen when she passes away. But after what she went through with him, I can’t begrudge her the money. There was a lot at one time. But two years of home care 24/7 and no insurance may have taken away that largesse.
When I worked for an AL facility, a gal regularly visited that was trying to get marriage hooks in a resident. The family ‘hated’ her. Their dad was declining mentally, but it was a delicate matter. I do believe the family made it unpleasant enough - they may have even put a restraining order or threatened her with one. I wasn’t on the operational side to know if they (the facility) was able to turn her away at the incoming desk.
My 78 YO BIL has been fretting about my sis getting remarried after he is ‘gone’ (she is 61). I think he is now ‘at peace’ because they have bought funeral plots and have the gravestone inscribed, ready for just indicating their deaths - he wanted her to be next to him. BIL is work; sis will not be looking to care for another man - she has grandchildren she would rather dote over.
H and I both want to be cremated. Haven’t worried about our final ‘resting place’. Have to get kids out of college and get retired first, and don’t know where we will live either nor where kids end up. I just told H that I want a nice obit including a photo! I may have to write something myself. I do know I want to brag about H’s professional accomplishments in his - he was well thought of in his career, even though he was not earning what he was truly worth in later years.
If I go first, H has family. I think he will enjoy having the pot of retirement, money, and my life insurance $$. I honestly think he will be too afraid of what you see is not what you get with many women (what you see before and after marriage). He may have his guard down if it is someone he has known a long time, or widowed after a long marriage.