After my mother passed away, my father’s mantra became: “Beware of widows bearing casseroles.”
I think the lesson is that if one spouse (and I’d like to believe that my H cares as much about our D receiving our assets after our departure as I do) is worried about ensuring assets don’t get diverted after death, one has to put legal protections in place before or upon death.
The trick is how to do it without it inadvertently turning into a weapon your child can wield. See my post about my cousin’s ExH. I’m talking to her now about student loans she is taking out vs another round of legal proceedings. And there is a second wife in the picture also. My cousin thinks that ExH will claim he is conserving funds, in his discretion, to educate his potential future kids.