<p>My mom passed away last week and we were the recipients of so much kindness I’m not sure how to handle all the “thank-you’s”.</p>
<p>I know we will need to write thank you notes for all the food, plants & flower arrangements. I can handle that, but DH & I disagree on the condolence cards. DH believes we should write thank-you notes for them, but I have not heard of that. Opinions please?</p>
<p>Also, we presented the pastor/musician with honorariums. Should we send them cards to thank them again?</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to read about your loss, AllThisIsNewToMe. When my dad passed away, we sent thank-you notes for food, flowers, charitable donations made in his name, etc., but we didn’t acknowledge most cards. We did send notes to people who sent letters, or who had been especially comforting in some other way.</p>
<p>Is the pastor or musician a friend? If the pastor provided comfort to your mom while she was ill, or to the survivors, above and beyond performing the service, he/she might be pleased to receive a note of thanks.</p>
<p>I don’t know if it is proper or not but when my mom passed away, for people that sent cards alone we did not send a thank you. We felt that we wouldn’t send a thank you note for a birthday card so it seemed silly to send a thank you card for a card. For those that sent flowers, money or donated to a charity we did send a thank you. We divided those up between who’s friends/co-workers, etc. they were. Sorry about your mom.</p>
<p>What I have received, and what seemed to make sense to me, was a printed card from the family thanking me (and all the others who received the exact same card) for my “thoughtfulness during a difficult time.” Such a sentiment can be sent to those who came to the service, those who sent cards, those who provided food – sort of a generic thank you which, under the circumstances, I think is quite acceptable. That way, you’re not required to create unique thank yous. Your only obligation is to address envelopes and, if you wish, add a personal note to some special people.</p>
<p>Yes acknowledge all the kindnesses (food donations, flowers, monetary donations in your mother’s honor, etc). No, do not thank them for sending a card. Will they then thank you for sending them a thank you? It’s silly. Of course when you see them in person you can verbally thank them. Nothing additional is needed for the pastor/musicians. I’m very sorry for your loss - especially so close to the holidays.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your loss, allthisisnewtome, my mom would have been 78 on Wednesday, but she died three years ago next month. It is a hard time of year to lose someone, with all the family celebrations.
You do not need to write thank you cards to respond to sympathy cards- although the post office & Hallmark might disagree.:rolleyes:
When you feel up to it, you might want to send a note to people that helped your mother, just as a general appreciation- but just as it moves you, no rush.
People will not expect cards, a phone call or in person is plenty.</p>
<p>At my work, they announce significant life events, such as the death of an employee’s family member, via email, and it seems to be the norm for the employee to send a generic thank-you to the entire organization also via email. (Of course, I’m sure people send more personal notes, either written or electronic, to closer friends.)</p>
<p>Don’t make the responding hard on yourself. </p>
<p>Your funeral director may have cards for you so all they need is addressing. No one expects a personal note. Or at least they shouldn’t. As for the pastor, if you feel you can, you can call. That lets the pastor know how you’re doing and gives an opportunity for a conversation. People in that business should be more interested in the interaction than in the thank you card.</p>
<p>I am sorry for your loss. I don’t remember but I do remember that I called everyone in the address book to let friends however distant know after the death of both my parents. I still send Christmas cards to old friends.</p>
<p>I am sorry for your loss, AllThisIsNewToMe. I had an elderly aunt and uncle pass away within three weeks of each other this year in May. My cousin, the only surviving child, was overwhelmed. I wrote all the thank you notes and I did include notes for cards. Because my aunt and uncle were 93 and my aunt was hospitalized just days after my uncle died, there was not a lot of food brought to the house or other things that people often do. It was something I could do for people who had brought so much love to my life. It took me a few hours, but it made me feel as though I had done something. My aunt had always written such beautiful thank you notes.</p>
<p>I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Any handwritten expression of condolence does indeed get a note. If it’s just a pre-printed card with no personal message it’s not necessary. </p>
<p>AllThisIsNewToMe: I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother almost 13 years ago after a brief illness. My family made note cards with a favorite photo of my mother with her name, date of birth & death on the front, and a favorite saying/scripture/poem inside the card. I think we had the cards photocopied or printed at Kinkos. </p>
<p>Then I handwrote a short (1-2 sentence) note to acknowledge and thank people for food, flowers, kindness. I did not send TY notes for all the sympathy cards - there would have been too many. The cards with my mother smiling on the front reminded everyone of what a vibrant & wonderful woman she was. They were very well received. I found writing the notes to be therapeutic in dealing with my loss, as I thanked those people who honored & cared for my mother during her illness.</p>
<p>I am sorry for your loss. My dad passed away the day before Halloween, and I received flowers and cards from my coworkers. I took a picture of the floral arrangement and wrote a thank you note to “my wonderful coworkers.” I taped the two to a piece of paper & put it out in our mail area (an area everyone frequents). Several people commented on the fact that they appreciated being able to see the arrangement, and I was able to thank everyone at once. For my church friends, I plan to put a thank you in our bulletin. I am not sending individual notes to my friends who sent cards & well wishes, though. I did send my dad’s neighbors thank you notes for their friendship … they were very helpful to him.</p>
<p>When my mother passed away (will be 9 years in Dec. Can hardly believe it), I was put in charge of “thank you’s”. I did not send thank you notes to those who had send condolence cards. I did send thank you’s to all those who brought food to the house, those who contributed to charities in Mom’s name or sent flowers, her closest friends who were there with her when we couldn’t be, the soloist who sang at the service,the minister and especially to Mom’s hairdresser. Mom had been going to the same small town beauty shop for twenty years or more. When she passed away, her beautician went out to the funeral home and did Mom’s hair one last time. That touched me more than all the flowers in the world.</p>
<p>When my dad died, we did not send TY notes for cards as a rule. BUT…there were some cards that came with very heartfelt, meaningful notes written inside. Some were so extraordinary that a reply note was in order. So we (well, my mom) did send some.</p>
<p>You can take all the time you need to write notes to people. You can ask friends who offer to help to write notes to people on your behalf. </p>
<p>My sisters and I divvied up the note writing after our mother’s death, each taking a few people we knew and liked. The cards that were simply routine we didn’t bother with. The ones with long notes and personal stories? Some of them got replies from all of us.</p>