Family disaproves of me going to college

Parents Forum
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<p>first off i want to start out by saying that i am not here looking for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on, this is my first post and first time on this site. i am simply looking for advice,input and to see if anyone else out there has experienced a similar situation with there family.</p>

<p>let me give you some insight on my life to give you a better grasp of the situation. i am 22 years old and after high school i took a long break from school which i regret, i have a wife and a 2 year old child. i have been a full time student since January 2011( im majoring in civil engineering i have a 3.0 GPA and 36 units towards my AA/ transfer to a university ), i work a part time dead end job. my wife was very lucky and given a chance by a family member to work in an office as an assistant for an accountant of a small family run business, and shes making pretty darn good money for being young and having little to no experience and the company being a small business… that being said , with her job, my part time job, and my financial aid, we make enough to pay all of our bills ( which we split 50/50 ) , live on our own, and we never ask for financial help from anyone what so ever, we are 100% self sufficient.</p>

<p>now heres my family issue, which i find is a sad and rare case because most family’s encourage and support there younger people to go to college. not mine ! with the exception of my father and my wife, my ENTIRE family looks down there noses at me for going to college and working part time. They think that i am lazy, unmotivated, a bad father, a bad husband, and the thing that really hurt me and lead me to seek out this forum today, was my grandparents telling me that i am not doing good with my life and i am drowning myself because i can not be a student forever… the list can go on and on but that was the one that really got to me. they think that i should be working full time like my wife earning as much as my wife and going to school as a recreational activity not a priority. they think that because i go to school 4 days a week for 3 1/2 hours a day that im some how cheating the system because i am considered full time with 12 units per semester. they dont realize that being full time is based off of how many hours per week your in a class room, and they dont want to realize it because ive tyed explaining it but everytime im some how wrong… they think that a full time student should be going 5 days a week for 16hours a day… ( oh yeah and i forgot to mention that none of them went to college )</p>

<p>its as if my family thinks that these type of jobs that pay a living wage grow on trees because they always tell me “ you should have no problem finding a good paying job”, i do not think that they realize that company’s do not had out jobs of this nature to people anymore. im sure all of you would agree that you have to start small out of college, ex. data entry, assistant, internship, etc etc… and no company that i have every heard of will give a young person with no experience and no college education a chance in hell. it just does not happen. and they don’t realize that, they don’t realize that only job i could get would be a part time dead end job making somewhere between minimum wage and 10 dollars an hour, and it would be a crap job, not that i have a problem with crappy jobs, the one i have now is crappy, i just act like its not because i don’t want to loose it and i still do my job and work hard. i guess what im trying to say is there’s nothing wrong with flipping burgers while your in college, but to make it a life long career is just not my cup of tea, sorry to say if that offends anyone.</p>

<p>so tell me, do any of you think im wrong ? do any of you think there right ? is there something that i am not seeing ? am i delusional ? am i in denial ? how should i approach this ? what can i say in response when im being looked down on for going to school ?</p>

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<p>Why do you care what other people think? The only opinions that matter are yours and your wife’s. if you two are on the same page the it’s no one else’s business. </p>

<p>Btw, punctuation and capitalization are your friend.</p>

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<p>Stop talking about it. Period. Just do your thing.</p>

<p>If your family brings it up, just don’t participate in the conversation and let them politely know that’s its just something you don’t discuss anymore. Then live your dang life as you and your wife decide.</p>

<p>You used the term living wage. That phrase comes out of a particular political construct and has no basis in the real world of how wages are set in a free market economy. I just mention this because trying to improve yourself, being self-sufficient, independent, educated and white collar are looked down upon by that same political construct. That may be the root of the animus towards your choices and maybe you’re just beginning to feel what happens as your life deviates from that path.</p>

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<p>I Just want to express sympathy. It is very hard to endure family opinion, even when you manage to know the opinion isn’t valid (and it can be hard to see that too): they are your family. It can take a lifetime to detach yourself from family opinion and give up the hope that they understand you and what you are doing.</p>

<p>You are also departing from their own way of life (none of them went to college) and values. Some parents rejoice when a child does this, others judge and fight back. They don’t understand the way classes work, and that most of the work occurs outside the class. However, you may only get more frustrated trying to explain details. I am sorry.</p>

<p>There is also the historical fact that our economy has fewer manufacturing and other jobs that used to be available without college.</p>

<p>So apart from your family issues, how do you feel about the path you are on? What are your chances of going on to finish a degree in civil engineering, financially and in other ways? Community colleges often have agreements with state colleges and universities that give you admission and other benefits. Have you looked into that?</p>

<p>I will be honest. I am not sure that college is the answer for everyone, but our culture sure does push it. It sounds like it IS for you, and you have the (shared) responsibility of supporting a family, which most people don’t have at age 22. You sound like you have responded to that situation with maturity and responsibility. Congratulations on your family unit’s self-sufficiency, which is quite an accomplishment.</p>

<p>So community colleges have a lot of career-oriented AA’s and certificates that lead to pretty good pay, mainly various types of health care technicians but also things like green certificates, building management, other areas I have seen. Have you considered one of these shorter term programs that lead to a career, or are you doing preliminary work for a firm longer term plan of a BS? Will your classes transfer?</p>

<p>Are you able to volunteer or intern at all? Your family would scoff at that even more, I know but these things can help over the long term. What kind of work are you doing now, part-time?</p>

<p>I also would like to know if you sent this message on your phone, or why you did not use capitals. It might be good to repost with capitals and punctuation to give people a better flavor of your abilities, which, from your life and what you say, would appear to be impressive.</p>

<p>Finally, at 22, after being a student since 2011, it would seem you really didn’t take that much of break from school. I went to school in my mid-thirties. The great majority of students are not traditional college age: you still are in that age range.</p>

<p>I suggest talking with an academic advisor or career counselor at your school. You can talk a little about your family opposition if you like. But mainly, if you have a solid, doable plan with a job likely at the other end, you won’t be as affected by your family. It would seem to me that you yourself are feeling insecure about what you are doing and planning, which makes you more vulnerable to your family. So talk to someone and get a goal that is direct, doable and eventually will bring a decent job. Then maybe your family won’t bother you so much.</p>

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<p>I just want to say that I sympathize. I live in the state with the lowest percentage of people with at least a bachelor’s degree in the nation, and a lot of it has to do with attitudes like your family’s. In Appalachia, a lot of families tell their children "Don’t get above your raisin’ " and going to college instead of straight to work is considered exactly that. I don’t know where you live, but this might be an issue with your extended family. Your wife approves of what you’re doing and that’s the most important thing. And remember, living well is the best revenge. When you graduate and get a good job that you like, you’ll have the last laugh. Best of luck to you.</p>

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<p>Keep your eyes on the prize, do what YOU want to do, and don’t worry about the rest.</p>

<p>The only possible downside is, they will be asking YOU for money when you have a great job someday. Haha.</p>

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<p>You have support from the person that matters the most, your wife, so who cares what the others think? Besides, how are you lazy and unmotivated for trying to better yourself? If anything you’re the opposite. Ultimately it’s up to you to go and get that degree or fall into their influence and stay with a min wage job…</p>

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<p>You’re an adult now, and you have the added responsibility of providing for a child. You must do what is best for YOUR family (wife and kid). To do otherwise would be a big mistake. Good luck - you sound like a wonderful guy. Your wife is lucky!</p>

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<p>Going to school part time takes a long time, but once you have your education, no one can take it away from you. You will NEVER regret getting this degree. Best wishes as you move forward.</p>

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<p>In today’s economy if you are entering the workforce and you want a decent, family supporting job you need a college degree. There are exceptions but they are rare. Do what you have to do. Something tells me that in a few years from now after you have graduated when you are holding down a solid job (especially since your in engineering, which is a hot field right now) your extended family will change their tune.</p>

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<p>If you are 100% self-sufficient, then it is of no consequence that other people – who are not footing the bill for you – “disapprove.” Honestly, it’s that mentality that will keep you in the lower class background that you’re trying to escape from – letting other people dictate what you should and should not do. If you and your wife are satisfied with your life plan, that’s all that matters.</p>

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<p>You are going to have to take comfort from the fact that you are right, they are wrong, and you have support from your wife, which is the most important thing. It is great that your father understands, also. As for the rest of the family, I am astonished that they don’t get it. Have they been living under a rock for the last 20 or 30 years? At this point, the best thing is probably to politely refuse to discuss it with them.</p>

<p>As long as you are making good progress towards your degree and not racking up a huge amount of student debt, and as long as your coursework will count towards a BS/BA, you are on the right path. It is very, very difficult to work full time and go to school. I think you are wise to work part time, since you and your wife can swing it financially, and take as close to a full course load as you can. This investment will pay off for you in the end.</p>

<p>You and your wife are to be congratulated for getting it together to build a good future for your and your child at such a young age. A lot of people don’t.</p>

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<p>Maybe they envy your commitment - and the fact that you’re succeeding?</p>

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<p>That or they’re deeply anti-intellectual to the point they have no respect for “school/book learning”. </p>

<p>Knew quite a few families like that in NYC and in other parts of the country. </p>

<p>Fortunately, I grew up in a family which not only supports higher education, but also where one branch has a deep disdain/suspicion of those of that anti-intellectual ilk partially due to what happened to intellectuals during the Chinese Cultural Revolution. I share that disdain/suspicion for the same reasons…especially after studying that period of Chinese history and seeing what happened to Mainland Chinese educational/research institutions and a generation of folks whose education was effectively halted for 10+ years.</p>

<p>IMO, the unsupportive family members are just as idiotic as those anti-intellectual Red Guards/CCP officials who effectively shut down educational institutions and persecuted/beat up intellectuals like my relatives who were university professors. Screw them…</p>

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<p>You are not starving you kid right? The best thing for your family is to be a good bread winner. Going to college is the best long term solution. </p>

<p>I can not even tell you how many people have to deal with the same problem you have. Do your best to get through and don’t look back.</p>

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<p>I know it’s frustrating to not have the support you need from the people who are SUPPOSED to love and support you. If your wife is in your corner, I want to encourage you both to do something here. Look carefully…this is really really important:</p>

<p>IGNORE THOSE OTHER PEOPLE. </p>

<p>They don’t make your decisions, they don’t pay your bills, they don’t take care of your children for the rest of their childhood. YOU DO. YOUR OPINION is the only one that really matters.</p>

<p>Stick to it. Work hard. It will pay off. You can do it. Forget them. They’re jealous. </p>

<p>They’ll be even more jealous when you graduate with a B.S. in Engineering and your STARTING PAY is over $60,000/yr…possibly well over that amount.</p>

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<p>Yup, agree with everyone else here. Ignore them. Keep doing what you are doing. It WILL pay off for you, your wife, and your kids. I don’t necessarily agree that they are jealous, though. Some people hold a deep belief that education is NOT a good thing. They just aren’t common on this forum! You know that this is the ticket to a long term good life for you and your family, so keep it up. You can always come out and talk to us online when you need a boost, too. :)</p>

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<p>My family did not support my going to college. I was constantly told I should quit and take a nice job as a secretary. Why was I charging up all these student loans. When I was studying at night in the computer lab, I would be accused of partying. My family refused to help at all, I paid a nominal rent to my parents to cover my portion of utilities and food, worked a part time job and paid all my expenses.</p>

<p>Completing college is the best thing I did. I met my husband at college. We both work to provide our family with a good life. My family now complains about all the trips that we take, the nice house we have, how we took my son to Disney World multiple times as a child and now pay for him to go out of state for college. (Well when you have two good paying jobs, you can do this). </p>

<p>They will always have something to complain about. Caulk it up to jealousy or ignorance (Both applied to mine) You need to do what is best for your family of three. A few years of watching your pennies and you will be able to make up the difference for 20+ years after graduation. </p>

<p>Keep working toward the goal - and take that little one to Disney World when you graduate.</p>

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<p>Don’t even waste the time to convince them that you are doing the right thing. I have a feeling you’ll never win that argument. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.</p>

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<p>Just wait. They’ll be asking you for financial help one of these days (in, say 15 years).</p>