I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I don’t really have any questions and I’m not looking for how to deal with things. Maybe just support, I really don’t have any ideas.
My daughter has breast cancer. She’s 32 and newly engaged. This came as a complete surprise and she was asked if there was a family history of breast cancer. We knew that my mother in law’s sister died of ovarian cancer and then her daughter died of breast cancer. But that seemed a little remote.
Daughter is tested and found to have a genetic mutation. She had a bilateral mastectomy and will start chemo on Monday. They found cancer in one of her lymph nodes and weren’t able to get all of the tumor so she will have to have radiation after chemo is over.
My husband and I are going to genetic counseling also. I called my mil to get his family history. I find out then that my mil’s mother died of breast cancer at 37, that her older sister had breast cancer at 37, that the other sister died at 37 and her daughter died at 37, all of female cancers.
I ask my husband if he knew that his maternal grandmother died of breast cancer and his oldest aunt (who I’m not sure he’s ever met) and he says no. My husband has since gone back on that statement and said he thinks he knew.
Ok here’s the thing. My daughter called my mil to ask when her sister and her niece passed away and mil never mentioned anything about her other family members.
And my mil kept telling me that my daughter’s cancer could have been environmental or random. I finally got annoyed and said, no she’s been tested, it’s genetic.
The other thing is my mil told us that she had genetic testing and she made it sound like it was recently. But then when I talked to her it sounded like it was in 2004 and the gene mutation my daughter has wasn’t even discovered at that point. So I’m not sure about the testing timing but she does not have the BRCA gene.
My husband says, correctly that his mom is old and all of this is traumatic. But part of me is super annoyed that we never knew any of this. I don’t think it probably would have changed anything.
We feel that daughter’s cancer was discovered early and that her prognosis is good. But there are consequences. Like I said I have no idea what I want from this post except to type it all out. Not something I can really discuss with my husband because he is very defensive of his mom.