<p>My dear nephew is getting married in the fall about 2 1/2 hours from my home. It won’t be possible for us to spend the night at the location because my husband works both jobs on the weekend and that would require the loss of three shifts’ pay. We will be traveling with my 8-year old son and my recently-widowed mother who has some serious health issues. Here’s the question: the wedding is at 1 pm and the reception is at 6 pm. The bridal couple suggests that in the time between both events, people can either check into their hotels or walk along the boardwalk. The first option isn’t for us, and I don’t think my mother could handle walking along the boardwalk for hours and neither could my son. I’m starting to think of going to the church, leaving the gift and then declining the reception. Oh, the reception is from 6-12. We’re ok with the long drive back, but that gap is tough. Any ideas?</p>
<p>Are any other close relatives or friends checking into hotels? Maybe at least your mom, or all of you, could rest in their hotel with them.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>If the bridal couple has rooms booked at hotel, you could go to the hotel and maybe spend some time with other family members, if pool, son could swim, gram can always sit and watch.</p></li>
<li><p>Send the gift ahead, go to service and do not attend reception.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>“Are any other close relatives or friends checking into hotels? Maybe at least your mom, or all of you, could rest in their hotel with them.”</p>
<p>Sadly, we’re it in our family. The only others are my girls and they’re not attending.</p>
<p>Go to the nearest multiplex and see a movie. You’ll be in A/C and you’ll be entertained for 2+ hours.</p>
<p>I like UMDAD’s idea, and in a similar vein (I’m brainstorming here) –</p>
<p>A mall nearby? Rent a wheelchair for mom. Find an arcade for 8 year old.</p>
<p>Rent a hotel room for afternoon only? (Even if you have to pay for all night.) Then have place to rest, place to swim, etc. If it’s near the boardwalk, you can still do that, and those who don’t want to, don’t have to! Make a mini-vacation out of it.</p>
<p>Rent a w/c at home and take with. Will free you up to do more without tiring mom out.</p>
<p>I second the movie idea. I have actually done that for “away” weddings. +The only glitch then is clothing. Will you need to change for the reception?</p>
<p>Zoosermom:</p>
<p>When is check-in time? At most hotels, it’s 3pm. The wedding is at 1. I’m assuming that the earliest it would end would be 2pm. So there’s only one hour before check-in time. You could ask the hotel if your mom could check in one hour earlier. Your mom will appreciate being able to rest between the two events. If it is not possible to check in one hour earlier, perhaps you can spend the hour with her in the hotel lobby, make sure she is settled in the room; then you and your son can change yourselves into clothes more suitable for traipsing about, then you can entertain yourselves elsewhere until it’s time to change again for the reception. You and he won’t want to walk for several hours in your finery. I can’t imagine an 8-year old doing so and emerging immaculate, anyway!</p>
<p>If only your husband has a work conflict, would it be possible for him to travel to the wedding separately from the rest of your group? He could return home the same day so that he could work the next day. You, your mother, and your son could stay overnight, following the same schedule as the rest of the guests.</p>
<p>It’s also better to send the gift ahead than to leave it at the reception because it’s a pain for the bridal couple to have to transport the gift to their home after a busy day. The gift and the card may get lost.</p>
<p>I agree with those who say you probably can arrange an early check in possibly even at a reduced price since you’ll be checking out early, too.</p>
<p>Since this likely will be an unusual request, talk directly with the hotel manager about it.</p>
<p>"Rent a hotel room for afternoon only? (Even if you have to pay for all night.) Then have place to rest, place to swim, etc. "</p>
<p>Don’t know about the arcade, that’s a great idea, as is the movie theater. We really can’t rent a hotel room. Hubby’s already losing a great deal of pay and the cost of tolls and gas is high, we have to feed everyone between the ceremony and reception, and the expected gift is $500. I think I’m going to see if the chamber of commerce has a website. You guys may all be on the right path for us. I wish I could ask the bride since she lives there, but we aren’t allowed to ask any questions because she has all information that she deems necessary listed on their website.</p>
<p>"It’s also better to send the gift ahead than to leave it at the reception because it’s a pain for the bridal couple to have to transport the gift to their home after a busy day. "</p>
<p>This made me smile. The gift is a check that must be placed into the silk purse when the bridal couple comes around to “greet” their guests.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, and the “price of admission” to this event is $500!!! I dunno, I would feel like I’m be shaken down and I’m not sure I’d go to the reception, esp. given the lost income, other costs, etc. – but I know one can’t always get away with that when it comes to relatives. But still – coming around with the silk purse to collect the envelopes seems a little crass to me. IMO.</p>
<p>“But still – coming around with the silk purse to collect the envelopes seems a little crass to me. IMO.”</p>
<p>Yep, $500 because you have to “cover the plate” plus some extra.</p>
<p>Well, you can save a lot of money if you skip the reception, and then don’t have to cover the plate! (And that better be some good meal!) I honestly can’t imagine attending a relative’s event with a price tag. We have folks of all sorts of income in our family, and every Christmas celebration has those who spend too much, and those who don’t bring anything. All are welcome.</p>
<p>“We have folks of all sorts of income in our family, and every Christmas celebration has those who spend too much, and those who don’t bring anything. All are welcome.”</p>
<p>Well, they wouldn’t kick you out, just talk about you and shun you afterward. That’s why they tell you a year in advance what the meal costs, so you can prepare. Of course, that doesn’t include the engagement gift (check) and the shower gift (actual gift). Those can add up too.</p>
<p>You were specifically told the gift needed to be $500? And that they would collect it at the table???</p>
<p>Is the ‘silk purse’ thing like a ‘money dance?’ I’d cut that check way, way down under the financial circumstances you describe…either the bride/groom are happy to see you for yourself or they’re happy to see a big check. Either way, $200 is plenty. And I probably would leave the son and the hubby home. If your Mom wants to go to the wedding/reception to see family and friends, take just her. After the ceremony, go to the local mall for a couple of hours…either just sit (bring books) or go to the movies if Mom can handle it. </p>
<p>What the Eff do you mean the bride won’t answer any questions that aren’t on her website? That’s entering into serious Bridezilla territory…</p>
<p>“You were specifically told the gift needed to be $500? And that they would collect it at the table???”</p>
<p>We were told what the cost of the “plates” would be and had to do the math from there. In certain geographic/ethnic areas, the checks are always collected at the table. Come on guys, don’t make me spell it out!! Didn’t you see The Godfather? It’s not for nothing that the wedding scene was filmed on Staten Island.</p>
<p>^^^Sorry. But I’ve not had the experience of being told the cost of the plates and having the check collected at the table in person by the couple. I think you are sacrifcing enough already. Go to the wedding, leave a “gift” and go home if you want. The movie theater seems like the most bang for the buck in terms of killing time if you decide to stay.</p>