<<< No problem being direct with spouse. He’s used to it >>>
I think that’s key…being “used to it.” My mom was direct, so my brothers are used to hearing direct. “Direct” is my default position. I have to make a special effort to soft-pedal stuff.
Women have more obstacles to get what they want, so one has to think more about what works - both at the work place and at home. More progress has been made as more women are controlling businesses - either by climbing to the top or by starting their own company.
Mothers and fathers have influence in the home to a certain extent - at least in the early years, with their children.
Women do not have to ‘buy in’ to the current paradigm, but do not need to burn themselves out in the fight - have to do it strategically to reach personal goals. Women can maintain personal dignity and fight for respect in the work place and in the home.
Key is to not be in a toxic workplace, marry well (where H respects his W). One can do their best to raise the children well.
Dunno. I have a different reaction to JL’s words. It’s full of self-reproach. Then confusion. I believe she needs to spend some time figuring out how Cooper et al actually accomplish their delivery. Hers is a very traditional female reaction. “Gads, how foolish of me, I wanted to be liked. Now I’m boiling.”
Don’t jump me for my reaction, please. There’s a lot we don’t know. And this woman presumably has the highest level of professional representation behind her; they should have been on their toes.
As for DH, being raised by a southern mom, the sort who talked around everything, took whatever people dished (I only know of one person she ever disliked or dismissed, other than some politicians,) he liked soft talk. Believed very much in strong women going for the brass ring, but you had to say things just so. It was confusing, to say the least.
I keep thinking that if Katniss Everdeen can’t get equal pay, who can?
This article has been circulating among women in my office. We relate!!
The fact is, many of us have heard the male comments when a “direct-sounding female employee/boss” leaves the room: “what a %!+c#.” And we know that a similar harsh criticism is not said when a “direct-sounding male” person leaves the room.
@LeftofPisa thanks for getting my joke in #18 
My office mates and I were just discussing this. We don’t think it applies here but we are a small office of three women and one boss and we work independently. I did once say to my boss a judge on a case was smoking crack, which might have been too direct.
lookingforward, let’s remember that Jennifer Lawrence is 25 years old. She still has a lot to learn. I think she spoke from her heart – it sounded very real to me.
I agree that her reps failed her. I read that she negotiated a higher salary for her next movie, so it looks like the Sony hack motivated her to be more aggressive.
@mom2collegekids - but how would anyone know what that order is? I don’t get it. 
@harvestmoon1 it has to do with male anatomy…
Right I got that part.
@HarvestMoon1 In that instance, the noun, “order,” doesn’t necessarily mean a sequenced order, it could mean something more like privileged position.
I found when coaching soccer that many girls had a hard time taking a blunt direction from a peer. They felt it was bossy. I had a designated offensive captain and defensive captain at all times. The defensive captain and goalkeeper were given the job of organizing the defense. This in in real time in games. There is no time for sugar coating things. We had to role play the types of things that they might say to a teammate to coach direct orders and how to accept them. Still some girls got bent out of shape.
I have found at work that some men respond better if you blame the difficulty on the machine rather than imply that they might make an adjustment themselves. Whatever they’re working with is “just quirky” or “poorly designed” or whatever but the problem never can be attributed to user error or flat out pig headedness. I guess it’s reinforcing the system but sometimes if you want to get something done you go along.
Yes, D was steersman on a canoe and had to give directions in real time. She had to be very careful of feelings if she wanted to get folks to go where the canoe needed to go. It is a delicate dance that females have to follow.
I know I have a minority position, but it’s hard to expect females to be taken seriously and somehow treated more softly, at the same time. Maybe this is a mixed message that leads to later issues. I think most of us did the best we could with raising our girls (and sons,) there are lots of success stories among posting parents.
I had this conversation last night, with a woman who held major positions in finance (not about JL but about our work environments and relationships with male authority and peers.) She’s warm, generously understanding, but had a “no excuses” attitude about women up in the upper echelons or trying to get there.
There was a story on NPR the other day about the wage gap between men and women. When Price Waterhouse looked into their practices, they found that if a man did not make partner, he usually got an increase or bonus (either by asking or at the request of their boss). Women got nothing if they didn’t make partner; the women felt they didn’t deserve more and didn’t ask or expect anything. PWC now tells its managers that any person not made partner is entitled to the same sort and amount of retention bonus.
I know that I make less than men with the same job class/years at my company. Partially due to management sexism, but part due to me not pushing at eval and raise time and telling myself that it would be better next year. Once they figured I would make do with less, I got less.
Funnily enough, I am not a pushover in anything else job-related.
C’mon, @TempeMom – “The judge in that case MAY have been smoking crack.” Then you are fine!
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This in in real time in games. There is no time for sugar coating things.
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Right! and in real life and in “work life” sometimes there’s no time to sugar coat either, but if others don’t take “direct orders” very well from women, that’s a problem. Imagine it’s in the ER or some other crisis situation. It’s sad that people get their “noses out of joint” when they hear an “unsweetened” directive.
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I have found at work that some men respond better if you blame the difficulty on the machine rather than imply that they might make an adjustment themselves. Whatever they’re working with is “just quirky” or “poorly designed” or whatever but the problem never can be attributed to user error or flat out pig headedness. I guess it’s reinforcing the system but sometimes if you want to get something done you go along.
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Yes, yes, yes. And, you’re right, it’s reinforcing the system…protecting fragile male egos…but it’s what we do to get something done or to get along.
Deborah Tannen, 20 years ago, about direct and indirect. It’s all complex, multi-layered, but interesting. https://hbr.org/1995/09/the-power-of-talk-who-gets-heard-and-why
When I was in college, my mother (who was in corporate) warned me change would take far longer than I thought. She said, maybe my granddaughters would see the first inklings of real improvements. I didn’t believe her because we were all so full of spunk.
Perceptions in the workplace are still very sexist.
If a group of guys are seen talking by male bosses, there is an assumption that they’re talking business or maybe even the weekend’s game (and then the boss will join in!)
If a group of women are seen talking, there’s often an assumption that they’re gossiping or talking about “chick stuff”.
ugh