@WISdad23 -I think that is sound advice. And part of my problem is lack of exposure like you said. Before 9/11 we flew more frequently. The last time I flew pre 9/11 I had a flight with really bad turbulence and then I didn’t fly for years. By that time it got much worse.
This is a graduation trip for the whole family (1 D graduating HS, 1 graduating college) I am determined to not let my fears effect the whole family
Good for you. Also, reward yourself in some way at the end so that instead of simply surviving an ordeal you are working toward a payoff. Perhaps another massage or something you like.
Perhaps it would help to think about flying as a luxury. Today I take it for granted, but the first time in my life when I was on an airplane I was 18 years old. My mom was 35. It was a rare and expensive occasion to travel by air. I felt like a royalty. How likely would you visit Copenhagen with your family if you could not fly?
I have several friends who are terrified of flying. One had never been to Europe…and her husband finally said she had to deal with this. She spoke to her doctor…and whatever he prescribed did NOT put her down for the count…but it DID relax her enough to not worry and “enjoy” the long flight.
The right medication should not anesthetize you. But it should relax you and alleviate your anxiety.
Also, her doctor assured her she would not become addicted…etc.
Be optimistic. You are!!
My husband hasn’t flown since he was 14. He refuses to consider any therapy for it. Due to family substance abuse issues, he won’t take an anti-anxiety med and he doesn’t drink. It is one of the sadnesses of my life that my H and I have never taken a vacation together, other than a couple of horrible camping trips.
Therefore, OP, I applaud you for not allowing your fear to take control of you and for taking steps to deal with it. My suggestion is not to focus on the flight but on your plans at your destination and to take a good book that will absorb your attention on the plane.
I got the ‘panic attacks workbook’ (on Amazon but sold many places). Though I didn’t really do the tasks, reading it did help because I now believe my irrational anxiety can be controlled and I did learn about some coping mechanisms that make it worse and I now avoid those. I think it can be hard for others to understand irrational anxiety. It is not in your control. It is not something you can ‘out think’.
It’s not clear from your post if your anxiety falls in this category. A telltale sign is if it is reduced by a talisman. Typical is that if a certain person is with you, you can control the anxiety but for some it is an animal or object. Another telltale sign is that you can control it by engaging in stereotypical behaviors. For example, someone with driving anxiety might be able to drive if they follow a very specific route and very specific routine (open door, turn on radio, touch steering wheel left/right). Often the routines are subtle and you don’t realize you do them.
Anyhow, the book is inexpensive and it might give you helpful ideas even if it is more for people who get panic attacks.
All your support makes me feel really good. Thanks
I’m also afraid of flying. Fortunately (or not), I can’t afford to travel much, and so I’ve made only three trips by air in the past four years. Things that have helped me endure the flights include the following: 1) thinking rationally (as people have said above, flying is very, very safe); 2) treating myself with certain types of distractions (I’ll buy a New York Times before the flight and start reading it before the plane takes off); 3) doing something to cut down on the noise (I bought myself an iPod Shuffle a few years ago and while it doesn’t drown out all the background noise, it does bring that noise down to a tolerable level); 4) reminding myself that the crew members are experts and that they don’t want the plane to go down anymore than I do, nor do my fellow passengers.
I heard someone talk recently about his anxiety with flying. He says that meeting the pilot when boarding helps a lot. He makes it known to the crew that he is anxious about flying and asks politely.
I found comfy clothes and a lack of sleep the night before made me so tired, I was fine once we got in the air. I was anxious about not sleeping though. I was ok mostly with the flight, long flights are hard for me.
Pack little things that will help you relax and associate the airplane trip with positive experiences:
Do you have a favorite cozy sweater or outfit you could wear?
A book or movie you’ve been looking forward to that you can bring along for a reward and distraction?
A few favorite snacks you can pack as a treat/reward?
Is there a scent that makes you relax? Like lavender or something else?
Treat yourself to a glass of champagne (assuming it doesn’t react poorly with any meds).
In addition to knowing intellectually that air travel is much, much safer than many things, including traveling in a car, try to find ways to have positive connections to airplane travel in your mind.
I would get a good night’s rest in the days ahead. Lack of sleep just adds to stress levels, at least for me.
I don’t know if this would help someone with anxiety about flying, but there are several things I do to help make a flight go faster. I get a window seat, so there is less hustle and bustle with people going up and down the aisles and bumping into me and no seatmates climbing over me to go to the bathroom. I close the window shade, put on noise-isolating headphones, and put on some tunes at low volume.
I have several books loaded on my kindle to choose from, and if I don’t get engrossed in one, I’m ruthless about switching and sampling until I find a really good read. I also try to download a new game or two for my ipad to try out. And I pick up food - sandwich, salad, cookie/pastry, etc - from the airport to eat on the plane. I also keep a bottle of water in my bag under the seat, so getting a drink is a little ritual, and taking a break from reading and breaking out the food is also a little ritual. In fact everything I listed above is a flying ritual for me, and psychiatrists will tell you that familiar rituals will calm you in unfamiliar/stressful circumstances (e.g. following your kid’s bedtime ritual while travelling). So try to identify a few of your own that you can use.
All of that gets me into my own little world, puts me into my “zen travelling state”, and keeps me busy. I have to say that if you can sleep, or get medication for sleeping, that absolutely trumps everything else, though.
“If you are going to take an anxiety medication, don’t drink alcohol.”
Alcohol get a person drunk more quickly on an airplane. I think that it is because of the reduced oxygen. Definitely be very cautious about combining anxiety medication and alcohol while flying.
I have flown close to 2,000,000 miles in my life, and can’t remember any serious case of an unruly passenger (I think once someone was a bit pushy about getting their bag into an overhead). I agree with Delta having a very good record, and paying a bit extra for comfort class.
Most passengers are either business travelers who have a lot of experience with flying and are very calm, or people going on vacations who are very happy to be going on a fun trip. I have had many interesting discussions with other passengers. However, try to sleep as much as you can on the flight from the US to Europe. Be aware that you will probably arrive very jet lagged, so store your passport in a place where you can’t lose it (such as in a passport case hung around your neck under your clothes), and keep a hand on your wallet or watch your purse to deter pickpockets.
It sounds like a great trip. June is a good time to be in Copenhagen. Have fun!
I suddenly got horrible anxiety re flying after travelling the world perfectly comfortably and happily for years. You really can’t control your irrational fears.
As for medication, I took sedatives for a couple of flights (didn’t help much - I don’t think it was strong enough). But I also took Ambien a few times on international flights before I developed my phobia. It was to help me sleep on those long flights. Bad Idea! I arrived in Miami (from Bolivia, lol) after an 8 hour flight, the customs guy took a look at me and told me “you look really nervous”. I told him, not to worry, I wasn’t nervous, I was just drugged by Ambien. He was understanding and actually helped me fill out the forms and he gave me directions on what I needed to do as far as my luggage, etc. I don’t remember anything after that until I ended up at my destination. My bags didn’t make it to my destination, and I found out later, that they were flagged because I failed to take them through the customs procedures (that I clearly remember the guy explaining). I don’t remember waiting at the gate or getting on the plane - nothing. So yes, be sure to do a dry run on all meds beforehand - but even so, I had thought using Ambien was safe for me, because it had been very helpful in the past when I was jetlagged and needed to sleep in my hotel. No weird sleepwalking or anything. For some reason, it had a bad effect for me after that flight.
I can totally relate, @veruca. When I was young I was fine flying, then for a period of time when my children were very young and around 9/11 I became a very fearful flyer. I did fly but it always felt like an ordeal. I have gotten much better and my anxieties about flying have diminished to the point where I’m pretty good about it now. Some things that have helped me:
- 5 mg of valium, which I still take even though I'm not really that anxious anymore (for some reason, I feel that if I don't take it, that's when the anxiety will return!)
- Headphones with my favorite relaxation music (always the same - the soundtrack to Cinema Paradiso)
- A quick "let the pilots get us all there safely" prayer on takeoff - even though I'm not a pray-er, it calms me down and lets me give up some control (I realize that I am a major control freak and it lets me put down the mantle of responsibility to fly the plane if needed :D )
- If we hit a patch of turbulence, I just tell myself that it's not unsafe and it is just the same as driving over a bumpy road.
- iPad games/Kindle or Audible books/movies. We flew to Europe recently and I was excited to get to catch up on the Academy Award nominated movies that I missed earlier in the year.
- Using my miles to upgrade to business class for any long flights when possible; on shorter flights, using Economy Plus. Not feeling so trapped relieves some of the anxiety. It's not often that I travel Biz class, but I can say that it actually makes me excited about flying instead of anxious. Along the same lines, try and use the airline club to hang out instead of the terminal if you need to be at the airport for a long period of time. Again - it's a calmer atmosphere. We get a couple of passes each year with our credit card, but you can also buy a day pass.
- Don't worry about out of control passengers; the reason that they make news is that they are rare.
I read a self-help book many years ago (I think it was called something like "The Fearless Flier’s Handbook) and one of the things that they mentioned was that the best thing to combat fear of flying is just to do it - keep flying and it gets a little easier every time. One other thing - I’ve discovered that a long flight is actually easier for me than shorter ones. A couple of years ago I had a 14 hour flight and once you’re up there for such a long time, you can kind of almost forget about it 
Have a great time in Copenhagen! We were just there on our trip and it was wonderful…you will be happy that you made the trip.
Absolutely do a test run with the meds. I have scripts for two different anti-anxiety meds and they work totally differently. Only one of them works within minutes the other takes much longer. My doctor also recommends that I let one of them dissolve under my tongue rather than swallow it.
Maybe you can watch a movie about an airport or flying while testing the meds.
I’m a control freak. I’ve been in a catastrophic train accident, and a near-miss plane accident.
I ride on trains (although not amtrak) and planes a lot. The way I get through it is to acknowledge that there are some things that are out of my control.
If I was meant to die on this flight, then there’s nothing I can do (short of locking myself in a closet and staying there) to prevent it. I choose to give the control to the pilots, and focus on the good things that will happen to me upon reaching my destination.
I’m not religious, either. I’m not under the illusion that if I’m good, God will be keeping me from crashing. That’s just not how I roll. But I do recognize that the stuff I can control, like picking a big plane, picking a seat on the wing, not flying with airlines who hire pilots who do not speak English (the international language of flight control towers), is about all I have control over, and I leave the rest up to the universe.
Being in a near-death crash on a train as a teenager also kind of adjusted my perspective-if your number is up, there’s not a lot you can do about it once you make the choice to do something. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do the thing if you’ve weighed the risks and decided that the risks are worth it.
Thanks everyone! I am glad I posted.
We are only in Copenhagen for a day -then we get on a ship -to go to Norway . We have been "pining for the Fjords "
What a wonderful trip, @veruca! Please post when you return and let us know all about it. I hope to do something similar in the future and would love to hear about your experience.
Wow it’s really true about the king of the Netherlands
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/05/18/528946937/dutch-king-reveals-secret-life-as-part-time-pilot-on-klm-airline