Oh yeah, I wasn’t kidding. Sounds like a great guy, funny he was able to hide it for so many years.
Talk to your doctor about what’s safe…but a big whacking dose of Xanax and someone’s hand to hold should do the trick. Even if it’s a flight attendant. (they don’t mind being off their feet for a couple of hours, and will be glad to hold your hand if you’re feeling unglued) I love to fly, but my best girlfriend cannot fly without Xanax and a hand to hold. Works best if you can fly with a compassionate friend who knows how to distract you…but in a pinch, the flight staff are usually very kind. Best wishes!
Thanks everyone. 3 pages of support!!!
Xanax and a hand to hold will not solve the problem for those of us who truly have a fear of flying. Furthermore, who are these doctors who are handing out scripts for flying? My doc gives me so few that I can’t take them beforehand because if the flight is cancelled or delayed I’ve wasted it. So I have to wait until I’m actually on the flight and it’s taking off, which is way too late.
Personally, as a nervous flyer, I kind of plan to surf the nervousness. I don’t try to diminish it, because that hasn’t worked for me. I bring short activities. I download the kind of mindless games that just kill time (candy crush, 2048). Poetry books. Short stories. Trashy murder mysteries. I know I won’t sleep, so I don’t try, because when I try, I end up with monkey brain. I know people who listen to podcasts or download tv shows. I get an aisle seat and walk to the back and stretch every hour or so. I bring lists to memorize.
Thanks all
wellspring your doctor is doing the right thing. it is not even a hop skip and a jump to become addicted.
I was on a flight that had trouble when I was a college student. The problem was handled very well and no one was in immediate danger but I was traumatized by the experience.
I was in the middle of a long trip and had to keep going. After we landed and moved to a different plane, we hit trubulance on the next leg and I grabbed the leg of a man next to me, thinking I was clutching at the arm rest. The guy just looked at me and it was awkward since we didn’t speak the same language so I couldn’t explain.
After that, I was pretty dependent on tranquilizers to fly. I couldn’t give up flying or I’d never see my family because I was living abroad. But I was desperate enough to research getting into a transport ship.
When it came time for me to travel home for good, I was pregnant and didn’t want to take meds. I did telephone phobia therapy with a specialist in Seattle. It was so many years ago that I don’t remember his name. He was wonderful and his method only required a couple of sessions so it was affordable. That next flight I was fine. Even though it was the roughest flight some of the crew had ever experienced, I felt like I was sitting in my living room. My toddler didn’t sleep and my oldest was throwing up, but I was calm. So I think the right therapy can be very effective.
However, when I fly now, I still take 1/2 of the lowest dose of Xanax the morning of my flight and another 1/2 if I need it at the airport ir after boarding the plane.
One doctor wanted me to take Xanax everyday for a week before flying, but it makes me too tired. He insisted the key was to stop anxiety before it started.
The other thing is to have a plan to keep busy on the plane. This idea was given to me by a regular therapist. It did help in combination with meds. I carried photos of the family I was going to visit. So I focused on them and not my anxiety.
For a long flight, the exhaustion of the anxiety along with the meds allows me to sleep. So I’m okay on long flights after the first hour or so. You might find the same.
I hope you have a great trip!
Thanks!!
Have a wonderful trip! This has been a useful thread for me, too. I’m terrified of flying and haven’t flown in over 25 years. I may have a compelling reason to fly overseas next summer and am already weighing whether it is something I will physically/emotionally be able to do or not.
@veruca. I had a fear of flying for many years. (I understand it is a fear of crashing, not flying;). Now I fly at least once a month. The stress and annoyance of flying actually helps bc by the time the flight pulls back, you just want to GO already!
One piece of advice I got that helped: watch the flight attendant. If there is a bump/turbulence, and they just go about their business, exhale bc all is fine. And try to sleep on that last leg, a sleeping pill if necessary!
@psychmomma, if you are truly that concerned, why not just take the extra time off and cruise across the ocean? There are ways to travel almost anywhere without flying, it’s just a matter of time (and money, but cruises can be inexpensive).
Repositioning cruises are one of those things we’d like to do in the near future. Disney just announced one for 2018 that a lot of my friends pounced on. I actually have bigger issues with being in the atlantic than I do with flying. Whole lotta nothing out there for a loooooooong way.
@busdriver11 - H gets motion sick so refuses any watercraft. I’m not sure I’d be less scared of being in the middle of the ocean in a boat… But you’re right, it is an alternative option. We would want to spend any time off in the UK sightseeing, so flying would make sense. With three aging and ailing parents, I’m not too sure what next summer will bring.
There are classes you can take. This article is a few years old, but it talks about them along with some other programs and tips:
https://www.boston.com/culture/travel/2014/07/28/scared-to-fly-you-are-not-alone-these-classes-and-apps-can-help
Thanks -I may get the app
What helped me get over my fear was watching “air crash investigation”. Sounds ironic but it just showed me, how much has to go wrong for an airplane to crash. Before I did that, I was scared of every little move and every little noise the plane made which caused me to not fly for more then 10 years. Now I actually enjoy flying, thanks to that show I can identify the noises a plane makes and I love watching the wings during starts and landings. I know this might not work for everyone, but for me information was power.
^^^ Air crash investigations are crazy thorough. I think those investigators must all have a touch of OCD because it’s amazingly impressive the lengths they go to when investigating. In the end it helps all of us by making flying safer, as noted by @anitram
Re: watching the wings. I don’t know if it’s common knowledge, but sitting over the wings is the most stable spot during turbulence. It might be helpful for those with a fear of flying or prone to motion sickness. The downside is the engine noise, but noise isolating/cancelling headphones help a lot there.
Acceptance. Just accept that there is a chance you will die on that flight. Don’t fight it.
Obviously, the chances of that happening are extremely slim, but, nevertheless, flying anxiety usually stems from fear of dying while flying, so you can reduce/eliminate that anxiety by just accepting the risk and moving on. I find that sugar coating the fear by referring to safety statistics and all of that still leaves the root cause of the anxiety in place because you will always be thinking “well what if this flight is different??”, so the best thing you can do (IMHO) is assume the worst… assume that this will be your last flight.
Over time, the anxiety will go away, but at first, you need to train your mind to normalize the flying experience.
I find that I need to distract my brain from worrying/overthinking. I take crossword puzzles and paper/pens to draw with.
I think part of the problem with flying, is that you can’t see the pilot. It feels like you have less control. In a car you can see the driver.
I would skip the medication. Practice deep breathing. Claire Weekes has the best information that I have found. Basically the more you try to avoid it the worse it will get. Her steps are face it, accept, float through it, let time pass. It will get easier each time you go through it. I went 15 years without flying, then my oldest went to school on the opposite coast 
Good Luck!