hi all, just wanted to come and vent. i currently go to a pretty good school since i am in-state, but it is not what it’s hyped up to be. there are quite a few academic issues in my majors’ departments amongst other problems, and the campus culture is just not for me. i have been so miserable here despite trying my best to be optimistic and taking chances. ive joined clubs, taken some great academic opportunities, etc, but it’s just gotten worse. i started going on medication because i am just so depressed here. i am currently on a few waitlists and am waiting to hear back from a few others, but the one school i did get into gave me 0 aid. originally, my parents were super supportive of me transferring (i only applied to private schools that cost ~90k and they knew this and supported me - we are pretty well off) but now they are refusing to let me transfer anywhere. i just regret it so much because it feels like im in the same situation i was last year where i wanted to go to my dream school and they were initially supportive but then refused. it crushed me and was a super depressing situation. they had told me that if i didn’t like my current school even after my first year, i could apply to transfer. that’s exactly what i did, but now they are refusing to let me do so. to this day, i still deeply regret not going and just taking out loans to support myself. i am just so miserable thinking about spending the next 3 years at my current school and im not sure what to do. it sounds dramatic but i genuinley cannot see myself staying here and am crying my eyes out typing this. i constantly think about how different my life would be if i originally chose the other school, and im afraid that ill feel like this for the next 3 years if i let this opportunity go for the second time. i am planning on calling the financial aid office tomorrow to see if the school can give me any more money. i do not mean to sound spoiled and am super grateful that my parents are able to pay for me, but i’m just at a loss right now because they let me put my blood, sweat, and tears into my transfer apps only to tell me i’d have to stay at my current school. i feel angry and blindsided that for the second time in my college application cycle, my parents gave me false hope when they already made up their minds. they always told me it was my decision in the end, however this was and still is not the case. when i chose any other school besides from my current school, they got very angry with me. i am tired of arguing and crying over this, and i don’t want this to be a repeat of last year. obviously, i can see where they are coming from. 90k is a lot of money, but we are well off and they can support me, which they knew when i told them i was applying to transfer to expensive private schools. i just don’t know why they’d let me go through the whole transfer process knowing in their minds they wouldn’t let me go anywhere anyway.
Take a year off.
Regroup by working or volunteering. Privately, see if the new college will hold your spot by a year. Tell your current college that you need to take a break.
It’s your life and your mental health. Take your time getting healthy since there is no rush.
I agree. If your college allows it, ask for a leave of absence. Do something different for a year. Work, and volunteer. Get some counseling to help with your depression.
Re: financial aid…at many many places, this is not as generous when one is a transfer student…so expect that at many places that are high cost.
And I will add…$90,000 a year is a LOT of out of pocket money regardless of your family income.
Thirding asking for a medical leave of absence or just leave of absence (there may be a difference at your college in the impact). Apply ASAP to CityYear (if it still exists - I know the government has been cutting agencies/places but I don’t think it’s totally iver) and/or look for other volunteer opportunities.
It’s rotten that your parents dangled something then snatched it away from you, twice, in particular telling you that if you gave the state school a try and didn’t like it they’d support your transferring, then told you to go ahead with the transfer applications.. and now are pulling the rug from under you again.
90k is a lot of money but they knew that when they supported your efforts at transferring.
If you want to transfer, it’ll have to be to less expensive universities - are there other public universities in your state that you would like better? Might they still be accepting transfer applications?
Save money and apply to transfer to other, lower cost universities that are a better fit - ie., if you wanted a LAC, Truman State or St Mary’s Maryland or a CTCL school (they all offer merit); if you wanted a non-pressure cooker or economically diverse state flagship, why not UNM, Utah, Ole Miss, UMaine? Etc. if you tell us what you’re looking for the CC community can give you suggestions.
Some of these may actually still have places and scholarships for transfers.
What’s your current college GPA?
I’m sorry for the stress you are experiencing. I re-read thru your thread from last year. Unhappy at current school but academics are good
What are your plans this summer? Have you been talking with anyone (therapist, clergy, etc.) who can help you sort thru your feelings and issues with your parents? Is there any path to a good/doable experience at the school you are currently at?
While a gap year/some time off might make sense, I’m not sure living at home for a year makes sense given your current relationship with your parents (at least based on the little we know from your posts.) Would your parents allow you to take time off college?
Does this school give merit aid, or just need based aid? You can ask for some FA, but transfers tend to receive less merit aid, and need based aid is according to your parents’ financial picture.
From one of your older threads:
My current school is UNC-Chapel Hill
You were concerned about secondary admissions to your major. And you weren’t happy from the get go, it seems.
There are other public colleges in North Carolina where you will have instate status. But if your parents are looking for a highly ranked college, UNC CH is there.
Nevertheless…regardless of rankings, etc….a student needs to find some sort of happiness where they are living and attending college. It seems you haven’t been able to do this.
What other colleges cost about the same as UNC CH (instate) that you could consider? Do you want suggestions for transfer students?
I responded to your earlier thread and my thoughts about your situation have not changed.
The “incident” and your roommate situation will both change with time.
Your current school seems to offer everything that you want in terms of academics at a very attractive COA at under $28,000 including travel, books, personal expenses, tuition, fees, room & board, & travel expenses. Plus, the school is large enough for you to make it work. Might help to focus on the positives rather than on your social discomfort.
College will still be there in a year after you’ve had a chance to get treated for your depression, regroup emotionally. You can take a leave of absence while you figure things out. The situation with your parents sounds super aggravating but don’t transfer anywhere while you are depressed and in the throes of it all . Wherever you go…there you are. You will be bringing your entire self with you when and if you transfer and if you want a fresh start, it doesn’t sound like you’re in the right headspace yet… Hugs…