Unhappy at current school but academics are good

College Life
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I’m a freshman at a T30 public university. After finishing my first semester, I’m miserable. Despite my best efforts, I’ve made 0 friends. I put myself out there and joined clubs, talked to people in class, etc. There is a huge emphasis on party/sports culture, and I’m not a fan of either. I’ve tried to join cultural groups to meet people from similar backgrounds as well, but frankly they’re exclusive and were super unwelcoming. All in all, the student culture here feels very exclusive and everyone stays in their own groups rather than mixing together. It feels like high school all over again.

Besides from social life, advising is unhelpful, there is a lack of academic freedom, and lecture sizes are big and unorganized, which I’m not comfortable with. I’d rather much be at a smaller private school. The academic opportunities are okay.

I originally committed to my current school because of family and personal circumstances, and it was in-state for me. I wasn’t happy about it, but I gave it a chance. I plan to double major in Business Administration + CS - The business program is good and a semi-target, but I’d have to apply (no guarantee that I’d get in) as a sophomore, which is the only reason I’m hesitating on transferring so early. As for CS, the program isn’t the best but I’m guaranteed to be able to study it here as opposed to other schools with extremely competitive CS programs.

I’ve only completed a semester, so it might get better for me, but I really can’t see myself here for another 3 years. I’m so unhappy, and I’ve cried everyday. I tried so hard, but I’m getting nowhere. Ultimately, it’s probably better for my career here if I get into the business program, but I’ve already started on my transfer apps just to see where things go. I can always see if I get accepted into the program, but I’d have to wait until next year to know for sure, and I don’t think I can handle being here for that long only to get rejected from the program. The benefit of transferring is that I plan to apply to schools with direct admission into business schools, so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting accepted.

I rushed writing this, so I probably didn’t explain my situation the best. I’m just venting but I’d really appreciate any kind words of wisdom or advice. I’ve already heard a million “just do one more semester and things will get better”, so I’m not really wanting to hear that. I just feel so lost and unhappy.

TLDR: Extremely unhappy with my current school, but allows me to study my major and is good for my future career if I get accepted into the business program.

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It’s tough. Sounds like you’ve done many of the right things - but will it be different elsewhere ? Could it be you, as hard as you have tried ? It’s certainly not easy.

I guess I’d say that if you do look, find a different school - size especially.

What major in business ? Some majors aren’t necessarily advantageous over say some liberal arts majors.

Many students do ‘click in the Spring and I hope you will but if you truly think this is the way, I’d suggest finding a different kind of school.

I do think much of what you listed - advising and other things, may be similar elsewhere. So the grass isn’t always greener….but could be.

Best of luck to you.

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Sounds like the wait for a business school acceptance is contributing to your overall anxiety. You have nothing to lose by applying to a direct entry BS as a transfer.

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While I’m usually a believer in the cliche, “wherever you go, there you are,” I think a change of scenery often can be enough to spark a different, better experience. I’d think carefully about the kind of place you’d prefer, and go visit it to see if you click with it in person. Set aside prestige and focus on fit. And I’d take stock on the social experiences you have had and see if there’s anything—in your own behavior or in the things you tried—that you’d do differently next time. And while you wait for transfer results, give your current school a fair shot next semester. You never know—all it takes to change your perspective is a new friend. Good luck!

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So I was curious and went back to see your earlier posts. Sounds like you had cold feet back in the summer and also got into a different school (UW?) off the waitlist, after you’d already dipped a toe in the water at current school (which sounds like a UNC-CH type place). Are you regretting turning down UW? Is going there still a possibility?

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I read your original post from the summer, and it sounds like your family (particularly your mom) was strongly in favor of your current school. Do you know whether it was because of the costs (i.e. in-state tuition) or because they preferred for you to be closer to home?

If you’re in the state I think you’re in, there are several excellent in-state options that you may want to consider. If the costs/proximity are some of the issues at play for your parents, attending a different in-state school could give you a change of scenery and a fresh start while still meeting your family’s wishes.

Also, have you talked to your family about your feelings? Do they know that you’ve cried every day at college and about the steps you’ve taken to make friends? If you haven’t talked to them yet, I would definitely do so soon. Talk to them about your thoughts of transferring and see what (if any) parameters they have with respect to any other college you might attend.

I will say that it can be socially challenging to come in as a transfer student because many students have already formed their social networks in the first year. That’s not to say it’s impossible, but it is something to be aware of. Some schools (I think St. Joseph’s might be one) tend to have more extensive orientations and systems set up to help transfer students acclimate and get linked in socially. Finding schools where there are special efforts to help transfer students transition would probably be an additional plus for any school you’re considering.

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First off, I feel for you. I can imagine how you are feeling. The first suggestion I have, if you were my child would be to talk to your family and share your feelings with them if you have a decent relationship and also seek some type of counseling if appropriate. Just remember that your feelings are only temporary and maybe counseling can help. The second thing I would encourage my child to do is to continue to join different groups, participate in dorm activities, and continue as you have been doing in trying to make friends. At the same time, ensuring my child that whatever he or she decides to do whether it is to stay or to transfer out is perfectly fine. Finally, I would do exactly what you are doing and work hard yet at the same time prepare a transfer application since it can open up other opportunities for you. If you do make friends in the second semester, you don’t have to transfer. If you do not make friends and a better opportunity arises, you can transfer. Moreover, you might want to also consider all your options. This could include staying, transferring, gap year, working, or even going to a local community college if you don’t get into the school of your choice (UW). Nevertheless, you will need to talk and communicate with your family or those who are supporting you if you can. Take care and good luck!

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You don’t have to - but can you name the two schools - even if in DM - it would help me understand better.

In general, and I read my other post, I’d always (myself) choose direct admit over non-direct admit. It’s simply an anxiety that most youth today, already overstressed, don’t need.

I’d also ask this and I’m not saying you didn’t give it a chance - but did you give your current school a chance? Most big schools will socially be similar although you never know when you’ll come across your crew. But if you were forced into a school you didn’t want to go to to begin with - is it possible, you inadvertantly torpedoed yourself because you decided up front you didn’t want to be here?

Good luck.

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Since I don’t know enough about your background, I will not comment on your transfer decision. Instead, I suggest joining clubs involving group actives to meet people, besides joining cultural club. S24 made friends by joining bike club and F1 racing team. He is having fun biking with a bunch of people and working on the race car with the team multiple sessions a week. Also, he got to know some of the floor mates just by studying/talking in the dorm lounge area until 2/3am. Good Luck.

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Firstly, thank you so much for your kind words. I did get off the waitlist for UW and wanted to accept, but ultimately didn’t because my parents thought it was too late because by that time it was already late July. By their words, class registration and housing would be a struggle and they wanted me to stress any further. My dad lived and worked in Washington state, so it wasn’t for financial reasons. My current school is UNC-Chapel Hill, and I was still unsure of what I was going to major in (the major system at UW was also very stressful, and I didn’t want to go through that), so I ultimately decided to give it a chance and commit in-state at UNC. I’ve talked to my parents about my feelings and transferring, and they support me. I guess I still hold some unnecessary resentment towards them because they told me they’d support me regardless of which school I would choose, but forced me to commit to UNC at the end. I understand their reasonings, but even after months have passed, I can’t help but regret my decision. Thanks for your kind words. I’ll continue trying my best spring semester while working on transfer apps. I hope things will look up for me.

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Hi, I currently go to UNC Chapel-Hill. I’m applying to USC Marshall and Boston College CSOM, maybe a few more.

You’re right. I will say I came into UNC very unhappy, but I like to say I gave it a shot. There was an incident early in the semester that caused me to exclude myself from others, but I continued to try and talk to people and join clubs, but no luck. I don’t get along with my roommate either, which may be contributing to all of this. I only hope that spring semester will be better.

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Hi, yes I did get off the waitlist for UW and wanted to accept, but ultimately didn’t because my parents thought it was too late because by that time since it was already late July. By their words, class registration and housing would be a struggle and they wanted me to stress any further. My dad lived and worked in Washington state, so it wasn’t for financial reasons. And yes, I go to UNC-Chapel Hill. I was still unsure of what I was going to major in (the major system at UW was also very stressful, and I didn’t want to go through that), so I ultimately decided to give it a chance and commit in-state at UNC. I’ve talked to my parents about my feelings and transferring, and they support me. I guess I still hold some unnecessary resentment towards them because they told me they’d support me regardless of which school I would choose, but forced me to commit to UNC at the end. I understand their reasonings, but even after months have passed, I can’t help but regret my decision.

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USC is very large. BC is Jesuit.

What non reach option are you applying to ? What if you get into neither ?

Didn’t you attend Unc due to tuition ? Can you afford the other two ?

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I don’t plan on applying to any non-reaches. As much as I want to transfer, if I don’t get in my reaches, I plan to just suck it up at UNC. As for the business program here, I plan to just major in CS and get a business minor if I don’t get in the program, but that’s my last resort. I’m still intent on transferring, but like you said, it is a reach. I don’t think it’d be worth it to transfer to a less prestigious school, but I’m so unhappy here that I might add 1-2 just incase. Happy to hear your thoughts on this.

USC is very similar to UNC, but I think I’d just much rather be in a different environment. I love California, and was originally going to commit to UCSD. Financially, there’s not really an issue. It was ultimately the cheaper choice, but I was moreso looking at it with an academic perspective. I’m still looking into more private schools to apply to, but it’s difficult since not a lot have undergrad business programs. I don’t plan on applying to any ivies or public schools, so that leaves me with not a lot of choices.

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Let’s see - tons of great schools have business degrees - large and small and may be more transfer friendly.

Or be miserable.

Hmmmm

What is your long term goal ? Ie career goal.

Just because a school isn’t as highly ranked doesn’t mean you can’t get a similar outcome.

It was a UNC poster recently who said theur kids aren’t finding jobs after sending out 150 resumes - CS major. It may just be them but …

Do you have CS interest ?

I’m not a fan of early transferring but if you want to leave, if you’re that miserable, then leave. UNC is a fine school but it’s far from the only school where you can get a fantastic outcome.

And a lot of private schools have business programs.

If you had your preferences, what type of school - size, weather, environment - rural, urban etc. what was your hs gpa and sat.

Where did you get turned down out of hs ?

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Also - and I’ll assume you have no need- if your parent made you go to UNC to save tuition and BC and USC are prohibitively more expensive - USC $95K or so - will they be on board?

You may want to ensure before applying - or check the NPCs to see the likely cost.

I’d just hate you to waste your effort.

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Transfer to UW? You have in-state tuition there, too.

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Long term goal would be to become a PM for a tech company, hence the CS and Business major. I’d also be fine with data analytics, informatics, or consulting. I know I don’t want to become an software engineer/developer. I’d probably need to go to grad school, but right now I don’t plan to, but it’s an option for me.

I’ve only recently became interested in CS, which is a huge disadvantage for me. This is also a reason for hesitating on transferring. CS program here is 80% acceptance, but it’s not great but pretty much guarantees me to study it. At schools like USC, I’d pretty much have no chance on getting in with CS because of my lack of experience. I plan on applying to schools as a business major and just giving up the CS aspect. At least at UNC, I’d have a chance to study both, even if it’s just a minor.

As for my decisions in HS, I was originally intent on studying Biology pre-med, which is also a huge reason why I turned down other schools. I think I had 3.9 UW HS GPA, 1550 SAT, decent ECs and essays. Got in UCSD, Case Western, Santa Clara, George Washington. Waitlisted and ultimately rejected at Georgetown, which broke my heart. Rejected at BU, USC, Tufts, UCLA, UCB, pretty much everywhere.

My area of study change is huge, and it’s probably hard to understand how I was committed to studying medicine my 4 years in HS (most of my ECs were related to health/medicine) and just changed to business/CS once college started. After college decisions, I don’t know how else to phrase it but I was at rock bottom. I worked so hard in high school just to get rejected from pretty much everywhere but the one school I never saw myself going to (UNC). I reflected long and hard over the summer, and decided that medicine was unrealistic for me if I was going to be this weak over one obstacle. The road to medical school is difficult, so if I couldn’t handle this one hurdle, this road would be extremely difficult for me. It sounds harsh, but I’m glad that I found an alternative path early on. This does leave me at a disadvantage. I joined some business clubs/CS clubs my first semester in college, but I’m not as experienced as others, which is another reason for hesitating on transferring. I finished all the general business school pre-reqs this semester, which is helpful. Looked at USC business program, and some credits should transfer from that.

Checked with my parents, and they are fine with tuition.

My first semester GPA isn’t as good as I want it to be, so ivies and T-25s are pretty much off the table this cycle. I’m hoping my HS GPA + SAT will help me a little bit. Like I said in my original post, I could always just wait and apply to transfer next year, which is probably a good idea because I’ll know if I’m in the business program and I could get my GPA up. I still want to try and apply now just to see where things go, but I’m at a disadvantage right now.

There’s so many aspects that I have to take into account, and it’s giving me a headache thinking about it haha

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If you were already rejected a first time, I would not submit an application a second time unless you can show how you’re a significantly different applicant than you were a year ago. That doesn’t seem the case, so I wouldn’t even consider these.

Do you still have any interest in these? Santa Clara was one that I was thinking of suggesting even before I saw that you were already admitted. I believe that it’s not as challenging to switch majors there, and they also have a business program.

You may well get into a reach school, but staying at UNC while crying every day because you’re miserable does not sound like an optimal outcome. Students tend to do best when they are happy. You sound incredibly unhappy at UNC, and I worry about the toll that this could have on your health if you remain unhappy there for four years.

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  1. Yes you don’t need grad school

  2. You definitely don’t need UNC. Nor do you need a CS degree - my nephew has worked for two of the biggest firms - and he’s got a poli sci degree from Arizona - but I digress. But you could achieve your goals from Kennesaw State quite frankly (just throwing a random name) - so I wouldn’t worry about a UNC vs. say Ohio State or Penn State or UMN, etc.

I asked about your stats because they will be used in transferring since your college record is short.

Honestly, given your goals, the where doesn’t matter - there are great large schools - like a UMN is urban - but it’s another large public - as would be Miami Ohio, Pitt, Arizona, etc. Arizona State is one of the tops in the country for analytics and bioinformatics - and Carey is a strong business school. it’d arguably be a better choice than UNC - you have to look deeper than the school name.

But if you liked Gtown, I get BC - but how about Villanova to stay in the religious bent or W&M for similar size. And Denver as a safety. Or LMU.

If you told me investment banking or consulting, I get the pedigree - but for a product manager or project manager - nope. And for CS, short of a top top school, I’m not sure the where matters.

Here’s another crazy thought - a school like RPI produces graduates that punch above their weight - but it’s very gender dominant (male).

You said USC is another UNC - so it seems an odd choice. LMU (very good) would be more along the lines of Gtown.

Mainly - if you’re going to transfer, you should do so to be happy.

But there seems to be zero reason (other than giving up quickly) to stay at UNC from a pedigree POV. In fact, NC State would be a better choice from the CS side.

Seems odd your family forced you to UNC for cost…but now are ok with costs…but that’s a bonus for you.

Good luck.