hey parents. i recently just got off the waitlist for a state school (let’s call this school A) that i’ve wanted to go to for so long. during high school, my dad moved to said state for work to assure that i’d get in state tuition if i got in. obviously, i got waitlisted and nobody could predict that i would get off of it, so his current plan is to move back to my hometown at the end of the year. there is a possibility that i’d still get in state tuition for a year, but i’m not sure yet.
the current school (call this school B) that i am committed to is a T-25 with incredible academics; no complaints there. i’ve already registered for my classes and have a great schedule, live in a great dorm, and have a great roommate. i’m supposed to move in my dorm in about 2 weeks. but, i have never loved this school. from when i applied and up until now, i have been extremely depressed about the thought of my next 4 years there. i’m very familiar with the school because my brother also graduated from there. i also went to the orientation last month and made 0 friends and just felt extremely unfit to be there. i have thought about transferring after doing a year, but it’s just unrealistic because the schools that are academically better are generally only ivies that take less than 100 transfers a year.
school A is ranked in the top 50, so yes, much lower than school B. however, i don’t care about that at all because i have visited the campus and know a few students. i would say the students there are very much on par with the students at the school i am committed at. the academics and research are great, and there’s lots to do here. i feel like the students here have a similar work ethic to mine, and are actually passionate about their interests. i love how it’s in the city and the opportunities that i can get from the location. i love the campus and the vibe there is much more me.
the main problem is that i’m not guaranteed to get into the major/majors that i want, which is a huge risk (30-70% chance that i’d get in depending on the major) because if i dont get in, i would pretty much have no degree/study something i don’t want to have a career in. i am pretty set on what i want to do (stats/econ/data science/ health informatics) but this school is known to be veryyy competitive for those majors. at school B, i would still have to apply for my majors, but it would be much easier, guaranteeing that i’d be graduating on time studying something that i actually want to do. it will be better for my future and career, but i know i would be so unhappy there. additionally, it’s in the east coast. my plan is to work in the west coast, which is where school A is. i’ve seen the employment rates for both schools, and most students generally end up working in whatever coast the school they graduated from is located. i know myself. i am hard working and have a good work ethic. if i put my mind to it, i am certain that i will do fine. i know i’ll have to work much harder, but i’m okay with it.
also, because i got off the waitlist this late, housing and course registration could be a struggle. i feel like those are short term costs because it’s a quarter system, so even if i ended up with a bad schedule, i’d still catch up to the other freshman by the next quarter. the worst case is i’d have to end up in temporary housing, but it wouldn’t be for long.
i am planning to go to grad school if all else fails. maybe i’m naive and that i could just suck it up for 4 years and go somewhere out of state for grad school. but i really just cannot see myself at school B even if it is “only a few years”.
initially, i was going to commit to another OOS school where my major was guaranteed and all aspects were great, but ended up not doing so because of my parents. i wanted to make them happy, but i have regretted turning the school down even now. my parents are well off. we aren’t rich, but they are able to afford my tuition pretty much anywhere without the need for financial aid. i understand their concerns for my future and career, but i cannot see myself thriving at the college i am currently at. of course, my happiness is not guaranteed anywhere, even at school A, but that is the risk i am willing to take.
i understand that it is a huge gamble. since i’m in the city currently, my mom and i have just been screaming and crying through the phone 24/7. i’m supposed to go back home in a few days, but i only have a few days until i have to make a decision. i realize that if i commit here, i will have to sacrifice many things. i am more than willing to sacrifice my plans to travel/study abroad/sell my car/get a part time job to afford expenses. hell, i would take out loans and pay for half of my tuition. i understand that there is no win-win situation here. regardless of what i choose, someone will be unhappy.
“you haven’t started classes, how do you know you will be unhappy at school B? maybe you’ll like it”, a lot of people will say. i realize that i’m immature for thinking like this. but, like i said, i am extremely familiar with the school and area. i know the vibe of the students, the environment, and the location. i hate all of it. not once have i felt that i fit in. i’ve never loved this school. i was born and raised in that town where people are close-minded. if you act or your skin color is even remotely different, you will be shunned. as a minority, i really just want to escape this hell and live in a different environment, even if it’s just for 4 years.
i promised that if my GPA was not up to their expectations, i’d transfer back to a CC/worse school near home. my mom says that there’s no way i could come back to school B because i’d be “blacklisted” for withdrawing so late, but i’m not sure if that’s true. she’s been constantly threatening me, even telling me that she’d sell my dog because i wouldn’t be there to take care of her. i haven’t been able to sleep or eat for a week because our fighting has taken a toll on me. she’s told me that our relationship would forever be ruined if i decide to go to school A and that she’d never forgive me. she also says that everyone else is happily going to school B, so why can’t i? “i’m not special”, as she puts it. a part of me wants to just forget that i even got off the waitlist and go to school B because that was my initial plan. it would make my parents happy and my mom would calm down, but i know i’d never be able to forgive her because of my “what if i went somewhere else and became happier” mindset.
my dad has told me that he supports whatever decision i make, but has told me that he prefers school B like my mom. i know he wouldn’t be too happy in my decision either, but won’t upright say it to me like my mom has. i understand where my parents are coming from, truly. they’re looking out for my future, and the last thing i want to be is a burden to them. my parents have had to make many sacrifices for me because they are immigrants, and i love them dearly. i am a good student and a good daughter. i have a great work ethic, and i know success will always be in my scope as long as i continue to work hard. i don’t know what to do. i probably sound immature and close-minded, but i’m stuck and i feel so miserable. i don’t know what to do. my parents are probably right. i’ve made many bad decisions, and this could affect my entire future, but i’m selfish. i want to make them happy but i also want to look out for myself as well. i don’t know what to do