I had the same concerns about rideshare availability in Boston for our daughter’s commencement. I ended up scheduling it ahead of time. It cost a bit more, but it was certainly easier than worrying about whether we’d be able to get one for the time-sensitive parts of the weekend.
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ah true. Maybe I’ll just rent a car for backup and then uber when we can. I really hate having to find parking. Or worse… parallel parking.
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Anyone else nervous about the big change coming in a few weeks of college…and the enjoyment we got in waiting for acceptances and making decisions. Its almost like a hangover…
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hey parents. i recently just got off the waitlist for a state school (let’s call this school A) that i’ve wanted to go to for so long. during high school, my dad moved to said state for work to assure that i’d get in state tuition if i got in. obviously, i got waitlisted and nobody could predict that i would get off of it, so his current plan is to move back to my hometown at the end of the year. there is a possibility that i’d still get in state tuition for a year, but i’m not sure yet.
the current school (call this school B) that i am committed to is a T-25 with incredible academics; no complaints there. i’ve already registered for my classes and have a great schedule, live in a great dorm, and have a great roommate. i’m supposed to move in my dorm in about 2 weeks. but, i have never loved this school. from when i applied and up until now, i have been extremely depressed about the thought of my next 4 years there. i’m very familiar with the school because my brother also graduated from there. i also went to the orientation last month and made 0 friends and just felt extremely unfit to be there. i have thought about transferring after doing a year, but it’s just unrealistic because the schools that are academically better are generally only ivies that take less than 100 transfers a year.
school A is ranked in the top 50, so yes, much lower than school B. however, i don’t care about that at all because i have visited the campus and know a few students. i would say the students there are very much on par with the students at the school i am committed at. the academics and research are great, and there’s lots to do here. i feel like the students here have a similar work ethic to mine, and are actually passionate about their interests. i love how it’s in the city and the opportunities that i can get from the location. i love the campus and the vibe there is much more me.
the main problem is that i’m not guaranteed to get into the major/majors that i want, which is a huge risk (30-70% chance that i’d get in depending on the major) because if i dont get in, i would pretty much have no degree/study something i don’t want to have a career in. i am pretty set on what i want to do (stats/econ/data science/ health informatics) but this school is known to be veryyy competitive for those majors. at school B, i would still have to apply for my majors, but it would be much easier, guaranteeing that i’d be graduating on time studying something that i actually want to do. it will be better for my future and career, but i know i would be so unhappy there. additionally, it’s in the east coast. my plan is to work in the west coast, which is where school A is. i’ve seen the employment rates for both schools, and most students generally end up working in whatever coast the school they graduated from is located. i know myself. i am hard working and have a good work ethic. if i put my mind to it, i am certain that i will do fine. i know i’ll have to work much harder, but i’m okay with it.
also, because i got off the waitlist this late, housing and course registration could be a struggle. i feel like those are short term costs because it’s a quarter system, so even if i ended up with a bad schedule, i’d still catch up to the other freshman by the next quarter. the worst case is i’d have to end up in temporary housing, but it wouldn’t be for long.
i am planning to go to grad school if all else fails. maybe i’m naive and that i could just suck it up for 4 years and go somewhere out of state for grad school. but i really just cannot see myself at school B even if it is “only a few years”.
initially, i was going to commit to another OOS school where my major was guaranteed and all aspects were great, but ended up not doing so because of my parents. i wanted to make them happy, but i have regretted turning the school down even now. my parents are well off. we aren’t rich, but they are able to afford my tuition pretty much anywhere without the need for financial aid. i understand their concerns for my future and career, but i cannot see myself thriving at the college i am currently at. of course, my happiness is not guaranteed anywhere, even at school A, but that is the risk i am willing to take.
i understand that it is a huge gamble. since i’m in the city currently, my mom and i have just been screaming and crying through the phone 24/7. i’m supposed to go back home in a few days, but i only have a few days until i have to make a decision. i realize that if i commit here, i will have to sacrifice many things. i am more than willing to sacrifice my plans to travel/study abroad/sell my car/get a part time job to afford expenses. hell, i would take out loans and pay for half of my tuition. i understand that there is no win-win situation here. regardless of what i choose, someone will be unhappy.
“you haven’t started classes, how do you know you will be unhappy at school B? maybe you’ll like it”, a lot of people will say. i realize that i’m immature for thinking like this. but, like i said, i am extremely familiar with the school and area. i know the vibe of the students, the environment, and the location. i hate all of it. not once have i felt that i fit in. i’ve never loved this school. i was born and raised in that town where people are close-minded. if you act or your skin color is even remotely different, you will be shunned. as a minority, i really just want to escape this hell and live in a different environment, even if it’s just for 4 years.
i promised that if my GPA was not up to their expectations, i’d transfer back to a CC/worse school near home. my mom says that there’s no way i could come back to school B because i’d be “blacklisted” for withdrawing so late, but i’m not sure if that’s true. she’s been constantly threatening me, even telling me that she’d sell my dog because i wouldn’t be there to take care of her. i haven’t been able to sleep or eat for a week because our fighting has taken a toll on me. she’s told me that our relationship would forever be ruined if i decide to go to school A and that she’d never forgive me. she also says that everyone else is happily going to school B, so why can’t i? “i’m not special”, as she puts it. a part of me wants to just forget that i even got off the waitlist and go to school B because that was my initial plan. it would make my parents happy and my mom would calm down, but i know i’d never be able to forgive her because of my “what if i went somewhere else and became happier” mindset.
my dad has told me that he supports whatever decision i make, but has told me that he prefers school B like my mom. i know he wouldn’t be too happy in my decision either, but won’t upright say it to me like my mom has. i understand where my parents are coming from, truly. they’re looking out for my future, and the last thing i want to be is a burden to them. my parents have had to make many sacrifices for me because they are immigrants, and i love them dearly. i am a good student and a good daughter. i have a great work ethic, and i know success will always be in my scope as long as i continue to work hard. i don’t know what to do. i probably sound immature and close-minded, but i’m stuck and i feel so miserable. i don’t know what to do. my parents are probably right. i’ve made many bad decisions, and this could affect my entire future, but i’m selfish. i want to make them happy but i also want to look out for myself as well. i don’t know what to do
Congrats on getting in to the school you’ve wanted for so long, and I’m sorry that your mom is putting this pressure on you to go to a school you actively don’t want to go to.
The US News rankings are neither scientific nor rigorous; they’re just confident. A “T50” that you actively want to go to (and that’s in the area you want to live in after school, and … and … and …) will yield far better long-term outcomes for you than a “T25” that you actively don’t want to go to. Okay, so there’s a secondary application process to get in to your desired major at School A. Fine. You’re clearly a strong student, or you wouldn’t have gotten in to both School A and School B. And the worst case is that if you didn’t get in to the specialized undergrad degree, that you’d have to take a related major (math?) and then maybe go to grad school for a more specialized masters degree? That’s a great “biggest downside” to have.
The decision here feels so fraught because it’s bound up in your relationship with your parents, but the decision about the school itself is pretty straightforward. Every single thing you’ve written makes it clear that the decision is School A, 100%. The trick, then, is navigating the relationship with your mom. That is a much thornier task, and I don’t feel equipped to help as much in that area, and hope others here are. But, if it helps, I find it useful in situations like this to separate the problems into their smaller pieces. And it’s pretty clear that School A is the right one for you. Congrats again for getting in.
yeah we don’t parallel park.
Mom isn’t going to school day after day for four years - so there’s that.
A rank - 25, 50 - means nothing - literally. And there are many ranks - you are just using one. Going to Harvard does not ensure success. Going to Hofstra does not mean failure.
If you have a definite of what you want to study, then that’s important - in some ways I say major over school. But you say there’s a 30-70% chance to study what you want - so that tells me there are multiple things - and if you can’t study what you want, then there’s probably something adjacent you can.
In the end, a few things:
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Mom and dad are paying and so where are they willing to spend their money.
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You can have a wonderful experience anywhere - if you put your mind to it. At the same time, you can struggle anywhere - all schools have something wrong with them - whether bad dorms, bad profs, bad food, you get a bad roomie - so it’s nice on paper you have a favorite but it doesn’t mean it’s going to be all golden. Similarly, it doesn’t mean the one you are headed to will stink.
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Often a late wait list entry means bad housing - is that set up ok for you?
Talk to your parents and let them know - this is your choice. Kids go to safeties over matches/reaches every day…to lower ranked. Mine chose #16 of 17 she got into rank wise…we recognized it was her choice and hopefully your parents will too. My son a similar story and he’s graduated and works with (at the same salary) kids from the same top school and even more that he turned down.
But if they don’t let you flex to the new school, life is long, you will have a lifetime of choices to make on your own without being forced and you might just find out that looking back in four years, that your current enrollment turned out to be exactly the perfect home for you. We read that often on here - I didn’t go where I wanted to but four years later, looking back, I couldn’t have imagined going anywhere else.
Wherever you end up, be the best you that you can be, take advantage of the resources, and you’ll likely have a fantastic experience!!
Best of luck - I think you can win no matter what!!!
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Dorm and roommate assignments came out today (move in is 8/17). I scored some major points with D24 by finding a mom whose daughter had had the exact room a few years ago (those parent Facebook pages and their search functions can be useful). The mom sent me a ton of pictures and also measurements for window, closet…. D24 and her roommate loved seeing their actual room! Didn’t hurt that it had been decorated exactly to their taste. Big thank you to that mom- so nice of her!
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After a long period of apparent lack of caring, S24 is suddenly engaged with this whole moving to college thing. He is talking with his roommate, starting to think seriously about what he wants in his room, and so on.
And last night he expressed this is something he would really like–he has detailed floor plans, but he has been searching for an actual picture or video of his room. It is not standard so he can’t just substitute any other.
And . . . I am not going to try to find it for him, but point is I can definitely see the value in what you did for your D24!
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A highlight of D24’s trip for orientation/registration, is that there was a separate orientation for her selective program, which has its own dorm. At the end of the program session, they walked over to the dorm and she got to see her room in person! She also had a specific bed assignment, and it was so nice to see that her program dorm has a reputation for the best community spaces on campus, and it totally lived up to the hype. She also already knew that there were classrooms on the first floor, but marveled at how simple it would be for her to get to class.
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I got really lucky and managed to do the same via the parent FB page. REALLY helpful as his room has weird soffits and bump outs that prevent beds and furniture from being flush with the walls. Nice to be able to plan a bit and know what we are dealing with in terms of wall space.
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D24 told me the other day that she doesn’t want to work at all the entire last week she’s here before we head out on our road trip to college because she thinks it’ll take her a week to pack up all of her stuff.
um…what? Ok, kiddo. 
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Yeah, we had floorplans as mentioned, and I was actually able to find S24’s windows on a Google view, so he could sort of do a virtual “walk” from his room to the nearest dining hall, academic part of campus, and so on.
But that is a very pale imitation of actually seeing all that in person!
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After returning from a wonderful trip, things are heating up around here. We move D20 to law school on the 17th and D24 to college on the 23rd. We have a lot of shopping, organizing and packing to do. I am trying hard not to think about my looming empty nest but failing miserably.
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ah you give me hope! No dorm/roommates assignment yet for mine. Maybe he’ll get more involved once those are in place.
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The dorm/room assignments were a game changer for D24 too. She has been reluctant to talk about college, do any of the planning, etc, but the minute she got her dorm and roommate (and even with the realization that she and roomie have opposite sleep schedules) she switched into college mode. Now its all about who is bringing the brita filter, the vacuum and the full length mirror, who is moving into the room first (D24 will be there a few day ahead of roomie), and D24’s need to go shopping for “going out” shoes! 
Its a very welcome change!
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Just a heads up, it looks like Walmart and Target are having sales right now on dorm fridges. About $129-130 for a small fridge/freezer combo.
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The complete opposite of my S24. He leaves in nine days. He is scheduled to work five of those days and is hoping to pick up some additional shifts. He reluctantly told his supervisor that next Friday would be his last day. He initially wanted to work the Saturday shift even though we must be on the road by 5 am Sunday.
S24 says he is packing on Monday.
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correction: about $139.
S24 finally started ordering some stuff for the college. He ordered a laptop, backpack, shoes he will need and few other stuff but yet to order majority of stuff. We are less than 3 weeks from when he moves into dorm. He did order Refrigerator and Microwave through the university rental program so they deliver before he moves in. He did a some of the stuff he wants to the wish list in amazon and hoping to order them in the next week.
A question for you all. Are you planning to use bed risers to increase the space underneath the bed for storage? Any body recommend something they have used or do you typically get this from the university?
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