<p>We have never done FAFSA together with our S. We just did it all by ourselves as it was easier in this way. You can say we are helicopter parents in this regard.</p>
<p>We were also keenly aware that DS’s last stay with us would likely be the last time he would be with us for such a long time (about 3 weeks!) He will be spreading his wings in the next few years (maybe even a decade) and he will likely not have much time for us.</p>
<p>He is always closer to his mom (who has been SAHM since his birth) than to his dad. But both of us miss him very much.</p>
<p>We had a huge storm years ago that put an end to all the sports, clubs, even school, …you name it…life stopped. for a few weeks. Not a great time for the community (or us) but a real blessing in disguise. It was a real life reboot for the better.</p>
<p>Our sons started losing interest in hanging out with us about the time they got their driver’s licenses in the tenth grade. Both had year round p/t jobs from from soph. thru senior years. So when they weren’t at school, football practice or working, they wanted to be w/ friends. They were generally pleasant to be around whenever we saw them! They are 24 and 27 now. We usually get a call from one or both every couple of weeks. I keep reminding myself that when I was their age I was married with kids and didn’t always call my Mom (before the era of cell phones) as often as I should.</p>
<p>My friend and her D (age 24) are super close. They talk all the time, maybe every day. When the D is at home they are always doing things together all the time. They’re just really close. Sometimes I’m jealous but other times I’m really glad that my sons are so independent and make choices/decisions without needing our help or approval. </p>
<p>Southern Hope, When your son comes home, where does he eat? My kids are pretty much grown now, but if I was home we always had dinner together and that was always the time for casual talk. Doesn’t matter if it was leftovers, frozen pizza or roast chicken - dinner was an easy way to connect. The other way that we talked was as a few posters mentioned - chauffeuring boys is an excellent way to find out what’s going on. I had some of my best one-on-one times with both of my sons driving to scouts, music lessons, etc. </p>
<p>My oldest loved having his back scratched. I told him I’d scratch as long as he talked Same son used to beg for Mc Donald’s chocolate shakes on the way home from school. On particularly moody days, I’d give in because I knew it would extend our car time. Some of our best talks happened in the car, with chocolate shakes. </p>
<p>My son and I spent much time together during his elementary and middle school years as he had LDs we tackled together. We certainly spent less time together during his high school years - those family dinners were important - but we faced some challenging times. We saw little of him throughout the college years, what with school and work and travel. Fast forward to now - he graduated last June and moved home to start a marketing job with a tech firm. He doesn’t make quite enough to move out comfortably, so he’s staying with us for the time being. His sister is off to school so it’s just the three of us. What a sweet time! We talk about work and family and life - it’s wonderful. I am so grateful to have this time together, as is DH. </p>
<p>We spent much time with DS every Saturday (sometimes on a weekday), driving him to the home of his music teacher for his instrumental lessons. This lasted for about 14 years, from the preschool to the end of high school. </p>
<p>One of the parents also drove him to and from the school from K to 12 and also other kid-friendly activities before K. We spent a lot of time in the car, often stuck in the traffic, when he grew up. We very much value the time we were together.</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear about your situation…that sounds very hard. I have a senior D and a sophomore S, and for now, my son is still pretty close to me (when he is not playing his games, that is!). You do have to find other things to do with them…for us it can be finding a TV show we both enjoy watching together, or me making him his favorite foods. I do have to remind myself to talk about things other than school. Some of it depends on the kid’s personality, not their gender; I would say my daughter has been far quicker to push me away (although she is coming back around a bit more now that college is looming!).</p>
<p>If you can find it, see if you can catch the last episode of “The Middle” that was on a week or two ago. It had a very funny and real storyline involving the mom trying to stay connected to her college aged son, who was resisting (and then of course, at the end he really needed her). Anyway, best of luck to you (to all of us!).</p>
<p>Op,
Boys and men tend to talk less than girls and women. Women love to hash over the smallest details and nuances whereas guys don’t care or notice.</p>
<p>For talking with my s, we usually go out to grab a bite. Then tell him something interesting about your day, your past, a TV show or whatever. Then have him talk about whatever interests him, but not school stuff. Listen but give no advice. Learn. Agree and express that you are hearing him. No lecturing, no advice. Sometimes my son will say “why do u want to know all of this detail; it doesn’t matter.” And I will remind him that it’s the difference between boys and girls so humor this girl, please.</p>
<p>Edited to add: another way is to find a TV show to enjoy together or a video game to play together. My S will usually give me some look of pity regarding my battling skills on the video game and I’m sure he enjoys beating me but then he also feels bad for me. Also, I’ll bet that your son has a lot to say about tennis in general if you got him talking about (players, equipment, techniques).</p>
<p>Maybe it’s the medium? My sister’s son is not talkative at all. She would either IM (this was a few years ago) or chat with him over the computer (uh, they would both be home). My daughter (HS junior) texts me when she’s in her bedroom and I’m in the kitchen (or any other room in room in the house). </p>
<p>I’m not saying we have deep conversations via text or chat but it’s another way to connect.</p>
<p>I second finding something to do with your son like watching TV, playing a video or card game. We hike, bike and rock climb as a family on weekends. It gives us time to connect.</p>
Same son used to beg for Mc Donald’s chocolate shakes on the way home from school. On particularly moody days, I’d give in because I knew it would extend our car time. Some of our best talks happened in the car, with chocolate shakes. </p>