LOL 3puppies!
Remember that the college admissions office is building a class. Schools that reject a fine candidate like your son may be looking for a different type of student. For example, some classes have more than their share of perfectionists who take care of every last detail. Those may not be natural peers for your son. He may find more of his own “people” in the schools that have accepted him. Sing the praises of the schools who see him as a gem! He will most likely fit in much better in those schools. It is only at the end of my daughter’s last semester in college that I see that her choice was right for her. I think it is best for the student to “own” the process, the admissions, and the path ahead. You did a wonderful job prepping him for this moment. Now all that’s left is making his final choice.
Since when is the University of Michigan’s College of Engineering not one of the top engineering programs in the world? What the heck is the point of this thread?
@rosebudrc, It is scary to have a super smart son that doesn’t do everything he could do get what he wants. Our DS barely made it out of HS. and was rejected by every top school where his “potential” would have put him. By tremendous good fortune, he wound up at UCSB in the College of Creative Studies. I recommend you research it, although it doesn’t have engineering, he could tailor a math or physics major to an engineering degree. It is a small college with all the resources of the big university (as is the engineering at UCSB … general pop 16,000, engineering pop 1700, and CCS 300… approximately!)
Our son was SO happy there, and did SO well, and graduated and was accepted at every grad school to which he applied, including Oxford and Stanford. He is now at Stanford.
Don’t think that a handful of rejections are a permanent “failure” or the end of the world for your DS. He may be much better off in the schools that think he is someone who will succeed with them. He has to see and think of that, not the rejections. We kept telling our son, in those terrible rejection days that if the school couldn’t see how he would fit and grow there … he probably wouldn’t because they were so dumb as to not want him. HOWEVER, the schools that wanted him… blah blah blah.
(Tell yourself that, too). And remind yourself that it is GOOD for children to learn that actions AND inactions have consequences. His consequences for his inactions are not that bad.
I am sorry. This is not “failure” on your son’s part OR yours. He was admitted to some very good schools. He has been successful in gaining entrance to competitive, respected colleges. The lessons (hard as they are for you to watch) are HIS to learn. How could you view this as your failing him? Will you be at college with him, chasing behind him to make sure he goes to class and does his work? Of course not. Applying to college is usually the first truly adult thing kids do… and the lessons learned along the way are part and parcel of that process.
Congrats to him. He has some great choices.
The game is over if you want to help your son to go after those WL schools. Kids applied to more schools and they can only go to one school, so I wouldn’t be surprised if some of those schools will go to their WL. I was the mom years ago when my kid was rejected and WL at every single reach school. She was WL at Cornell and Duke, and got off the WL at both of those schools.
We pursued those schools aggressively by sending in a packet with latest transcript, additional awards (in your son’s case, better SAT scores), few more recommendation letters (one from the GC), and another essay. The packet was sent toward 2/3rd week of April. My kid’s GC called on her behalf in April then followed up in May. If your GC won’t call, you can do it yourself. If your kid is going to pursue his WL schools, I would strongly suggest for him to work someone on the essay.
We always blame ourselves when our kids are not happy, it is perfectly normal. Good luck with your son.
I don’t see how would your experience to have any link to “failure” at all. To raise a good kid is a huge success no matter when he ends up to go. He does have a bunch of great schools on the list. Never put too much expectation on the reach school and one would be much happier. For that very reason, my D has limited the number of reach schools on her list.
No college decision should ever ever be taken on someone’s worth as a person or success as a parent. Admissions decisions are based on a boatload of factors and can seem even random at times. It sounds like you raised a fine young man who got into a number of wonderful schools. Time to start seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty.
“Failure as a parent” is reserved for those people who didn’t care for and love their kids. It’s for those who chose not to sent any boundaries or provide for those kids because parenting was not high enough an interest in their lives.
It has nothing to do with which, if any, colleges your child applies to or is accepted to.
If you child is a decent human being- kind and compassionate-- a good child and a good sibling and a good neighbor, then you’re a success as a parent.
On CC, “failure as a parent” is reserved for those parents who didn’t think through the financial aspects of college.
Some of these parents now have kids who have been accepted to colleges that they love but their their families cannot afford, and the kids (and in some cases the parents) had no idea that something like this could happen. Look around the boards, and you’ll see several threads like that already. There will be more in the coming weeks.
Yes, you do need some perspective. A lot of perspective. Your child got into some amazing schools that some people dream about getting into. Don’t focus on the rejections your son has. You shouldn’t be that invested in this process anyway. It’s one thing for a student to do that, but a parent? Really? Be proud of your kid. I’ll share a story with you:
I was rejected by USC last week. I almost went 11//11 for acceptances, but I didn’t. Because of my success, my father offered me $250, but didn’t forget to mention that he would’ve given me $1,100 if I wouldve gotten into every school. Made ME feel like crap because the decision was out of my hands similar to how your child’s rejections are out of his/her hands. Don’t make your child feel bad because of something they had no control over. Be happy with the results. Getting into Michigan, BU, and CWRU is no easy task. Celebrate that.
Go to the honors convocation of the nearest under-resourced urban HS and there, you’ll get some perspective. Sitting around you will be perhaps 30 or 40% of 12 graders who began high school four years ago. The other 60-70% aren’t getting their degrees this June. Sitting around you will be *maybe * a dozen or two kids who are going to enroll in the nearby community college. Maybe a handful will be enrolled at the nearby commuter school for a bachelors. The miracle kid or two will be actually be going to a resident 4 year program. These kids and the others who are signed up for the military will be highly vaunted. The valedictorian will have a 17 or 18 ACT or ~1300-1400 SAT. Then LOOK INTO THE EYES of those parents. I dare you to call them failures. I haven’t a single iota of sympathy for this incredibly indulgent first world problem.
@calicash Awful thing for your dad to do. I think I would have told him not to bother.
@gearmom I did. And right now, I’m sitting in study hall, starving because I had no money to get breakfast lol
@calicash - We kind of celebrated my son’s one rejection (which was happily not from his top choice school) and told him that we were proud that he stretched himself in his applications instead of just playing it safe. Congratulations on your successful college application process – hope you pick a fantastic school and have a great four years.
@calicash Sorry you are hungry but good for you. That’s just weird to punish your kid (or reward your kid with $) for getting into colleges.
This is meant in the absolute nicest way- By not double checking that the proper SAT scores were submitted, your son let you know where he is emotionally at this point in his life. Now, mishaps with scores and such can happen but if he was sloppy with his apps then he will learn a lesson from all of this. Also, he is left some really great choices and I wish you all the best. I can totally see something like this happening to one of my own kids. It is painful when kids act like kids but we parents eventually learn how to deal with it! 
This thread title is a joke right?
You can’t do everything for him, or should I say constantly check on him. When he is in college, you won’t be there. He has good choices, and you are not a failure.
I see the OP’s perspective of being a “failure”. It is all about context.
If I am upper middle class and send my kid to an elite private school where the “average” kid gets into schools like Michigan, CWRU etc then it is not that those schools are bad and not desirable. It is also not a statement about other less fortunate people from less privileged environment who got into the same schools. It is that the student “failed” to take advantage of the opportunities given then the college. The parent might feel like a “failure” because they were not able to get the child to convert those opportunities into “successes”, if college admission is the yardstick.
By this yardstick, I am “failed” parent myself, because my child had these opportunities and spent enormous time on things like debate at the expense of grades and got into similar schools which are great, but not brag-worthy in elite-highschool circles. I don’t think I “failed” because he learned valuable skills through those activities and college admissions are largely based on the numeric profile if you an unhooked, non-URM. Holistic is just a code word to cover for liberal agenda/legacy/athletes etc.