Feeling Like the Wind is Knocked Out of Me...

Parent Cafe
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<p>So many of you parents know I was selected to be an RA for SSU next year.</p>

<p>We’re just finishing up our last week of school and finals are this coming week.</p>

<p>Wednesday night, I got a phone call from someone in Residential Life. She told me that because we don’t have enough people living on campus next year, they are closing an entire building of upperclassmen housing and had to cut two RAs.</p>

<p>Guess who got cut?</p>

<p>Yes, that’s right. Me.</p>

<p>I am totally and utterly devastated. I couldn’t even sit through my last Geography lecture the next day…I went, turned in a big paper that was due, and left.</p>

<p>I did manage to sit through my last Astronomy lecture later that day.</p>

<p>Of course, my first worry was “where am I going to live?”</p>

<p>I went to the housing department and am now signed up to live in the dorms again next year.</p>

<p>But I’m still totally and utterly devastated. Now they’re telling me that there is still a chance I’ll get to be an RA if someone doesn’t make grades or the numbers for on-campus housing increase, but no one can guarantee me anything, and now I can’t get a leadership position at all for next fall.</p>

<p>I feel like someone gave me the best Christmas present you could ever hope for, let me play with it for a few minutes, and then took it back saying “Oh, just kidding. Maybe we’ll give it back to you later. But in the meantime, you can’t have any other presents either.”</p>

<p>I don’t feel like I’ll be satisfied just taking classes next year, but I CANNOT work off campus again (I tried that this past fall and I was miserable).</p>

<p>I know I probably sound pathetic whining about all this…but I do have a question for all of you.</p>

<p>Final exams are this week. Do any of you have suggestions for how to get myself to focus long enough to get all of my work/papers/studying done? I feel like I have absolutely zero motivation to study, and I can’t make myself focus long enough to get anything done.</p>

<p>I’m disappointed for myself, mad that my parents now have to pay for my housing because of the school’s screw up, and just plain angry for myself that they did this to me.</p>

<p>Thanks parents.</p>

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<p>Unless I am misunderstanding it, your user name tells me that you personally already have one place that you can look for guidance to get you the focus that you need to get through the short-term (papers, exams, etc.) and perhaps help you understand how this situation fits into the overall scheme of things.</p>

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<p>I’m having more than a little trouble with Him at the moment…I feel like I’m talking but no one’s answering.</p>

<p>I just don’t understand what I can possibly be learning from this.</p>

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<p>perhaps he is speaking to you. things always happen for a reason. hang in there. do what needs to be done and keep moving on!~</p>

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<p>Hugs to you. You just got a preview of what “employment at will” means. Years ago, the company I worked for hired and relocated several people only to hand pink slips to them a month after they moved because the VCs who promised to fund our company decided to put their money elsewhere…</p>

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<p>Sounds like you have already learned some things, like:</p>

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<p>Sounds like what you did what you needed to do, immediately…lots of kids would have been so stunned that they would have put off dealing with housing for perhaps too long.</p>

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<p>I don’t know if you remember this from prior posts, but last fall a friend died of complications of H1N1. Elder in the church, good Christian man, wife and three kids, did everything the doctors said to do and he died. Believe me, a whole lot of us had (have) trouble with Him. I don’t know if any of us will ever figure out the reason for that one.</p>

<p>What it - and your situtation - makes one learn is that random bad stuff happens to terrific people and, cliche as it sounds, you really do have to live each day to the fullest. You have to study for finals because you can’t let this random bad thing that you didn’t deserve mess up a good thing that you have worked for. We all just plow ahead because that’s all we can do.</p>

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<p>The ONLY lesson: random things happen sometimes.</p>

<p>It wasn’t the “school’s screw up”, it was a large institutional event and you have been bufreted by it

  • like a molecule in a larger soup of . Three observations:
    1- it looks like you are on a waiting list for an RA position; that’s a good thing;good practice for applying for jobs when you get out of school that you really want but have to wait for the company to make their decision
    2- you implied that this is only way for you to be in a leadership position? Not true; it may have been your chosen way, but there are other leadership things to do,which means you can choose to go to those Plan Bs
    3- don’t fall in love with the drama; in reality the only thing that changed is that you went from a “yes” to a “maybe” for RA next year; all the other stuff - wondering what the lesson is; feeling personally targeted; worrying about your parents - is all drama; if yuo carry the drama it will keep you from doing your job (going to class;stuudying; being the best student you can be)</p>

<p>I use the serenity prayer when I encounter random events beyond my control </p>

<p>Kei</p>

<p>P.S. So the worst thing is that you’ll be living in the dorms for your sophomore year and have to find a paid or volunteer leadership position? That aint so bad . . . :-)</p>

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<p>The school didn’t screw up. This is just something that happened and is beyond your control. You will run into many situations like this during your lifetime. Everyone does.</p>

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<p>Give yourself permission to be down in the dumps for a certain number of hours each day. In fact, set aside time to just do nothing, without any guilt. Then when that time is up, do your best to tackle some sort of project related to the end of the year. If you sit there thinking, “Not only will I not be an RA, but I’m also not doing what I should be doing right now,” you’ll wallow in guilt. The more you try to ignore your grief/anger/frustration, the harder it will be, so just go with it, but try to instill some structure into it. May not work the first time, but give it a try several times a day. And remember, a week from now, you can be upset all you want without it impacting your grades, but right now you have a focus.</p>

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<p>Kei-o-lei…this is for my junior year, not my sophomore year. Not that it makes all that much difference.</p>

<p>As far as leadership positions go, all the paid ones have pretty much been assigned. Everyone I’ve talked to says they’ll forward my name along, and there’s a chance I’ll get something else, but no one can say “here’s what you need to do to make this happen.” And I don’t know that I have the strength to want to figure this out anymore.</p>

<p>teriwtt-what a good idea. Thank you :)</p>

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<p>Grace, if there is anything that the personal trials I have experienced this past year has taught me, it’s that His plan is always at work. We cannot always understand, but we must have faith that things are what they should be. Please hold onto that as you make plans and move forward.</p>

<p>When finals are over, do yourself a favor and read (or re-read) The Shack. It will help, I promise.</p>

<p>Now … take a deep breath. You will be fine. The disappointment will fade, and you will figure out how to handle what has been thrown your way. For now, though, focus on one day at a time. Get through your finals. Hugs to you.</p>

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<p>First off, that bites hard. I know you really were looking forward to being an RA! Hugs.</p>

<p>Secondly, we can’t always figure out why things happen. Believe me, it’s been really tough this year, with my coworkers being laid off right and left, and with my husband being laid off and having to move back home, and our having to move to someplace cheaper so that we can keep moving forward with only one salary… It’s hard to figure out why on earth God would want us to struggle like this. We’re good people. We’re good at what we do. We’re active in our church community. We give to charity. We look both ways before crossing the street. We make sure that we’re wearing clean underwear every day. We’re doing everything we’re supposed to, and yet we’re still being hit with all of these stupid roadblocks!</p>

<p>I’m relatively new to religion. I turned to the Psalms, since I’ve been told that those are good for providing comfort in desperate situations. “A cry of anguish in great distress,” one Psalm instructs. I figured it surely applied to my situation. I read it: “More numerous than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause,” it says, “Too many for my strength are my treacherous enemies…”</p>

<p>Jeez, I thought… Things aren’t <em>that</em> bad! I flipped through my Bible, looking for an applicable Psalm for my situation… I don’t have thousands of people who hate me. I wouldn’t particularly say that I have a multitude of “treacherous enemies” who’re looking to kill me. I’ve got a roof over my head, I’ve got an education I can rely on, I have food to eat and money to pay my bills, and a family who loves me, and clothes to wear. I’ve got clean water to drink and a clean bathroom to use. Suddenly, I feel a little goofy for all this despair.</p>

<p>I realized that I have to look at my situation right now as a road block. It sucks unbearably right now, and I’m unhappy about it… but I’m alive, I’ve got good things going for me, and I’ve got lots of opportunities ahead of me. Both my husband and I do. And we’ve got to keep looking past the little disappointments like losing a job and having some financial troubles, and look towards our futures, where things really are pretty bright for us!</p>

<p>They’re bright for you, too. Don’t get too bogged down into the present. You’re going to have a great summer, a great year next year, and THIS TOO SHALL PASS!</p>

<p>Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Do what you can right now, and if you need to mope and feed your disappointment with ice cream in the park on a swing set, go out and get some ice cream and get to that swing set! Do what you need to do to take care of YOURSELF, then do what you need to do to take care of your FINALS, and then get on walking down the road. You’ll be okay. :)</p>

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<p>Welcome to life! Sometimes it’s a bummer. But if there were no downs, then there’d be no ups either.
Sounds cliche, I know, but it is true nonetheless. </p>

<p>And it is much, much better to learn how to deal with the ups and downs of life while you are young as you will need this training later in life because there will be more ‘surprises’ in your life. </p>

<p>“…and just plain angry for myself that they did this to me.”
Don’t play the victim card. They didn’t do this to you. Hard choices had to be made. If you ran a business and there were fewer customers, would you keep all of your counter people? No, you’d let a few go. If business went up, you’d rehire them. Simple economics. Schools are a business. When business is slow, a business must respond. It has nothing to do with you personally. It’s just a business decision. </p>

<p>And God is still in control. I second the suggestion that you read The Shack. It’s one of those books that can change you.</p>

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<p>Thank you all for the awesome advice.</p>

<p>I’m not as weepy today after crying myself to sleep the last two nights and barely sleeping…but I finally talked to God about it last night and I do feel a little bit better today.</p>

<p>I’m working on some school work at the moment, but trying to focus on finals and then the summer.</p>

<p>I do still have a summer leadership position…I’m working as a Summer Orientation Leader. Two of my good friends are doing it with me, we get free housing and food on the days we’re working, and we get quite a stipend for the month (to the tune of the amount that I’ll get to put a large portion of it in my savings account).</p>

<p>Aibarr-I did buy some ice cream at the store just before I received the phone call, “just because I wanted some” and it was on sale. Now I think perhaps someone knew I’d need it. :)</p>

<p>I’m working on some school work now, and it is helping a little bit to be focused on something other than my disappointment.</p>

<p>Again, thank you all again!</p>

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<p>See? God <em>IS</em> watching out for you! ;)</p>

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<p>Sometimes it helps to be a little proactive. You were probably in shock with the initial phone call and didn’t ask many questions - of course not, you were stunned.</p>

<p>Maybe you can call or better yet ask to meet with someone in-charge to have the situation fully explained to you and to ask for any consideration - do they have a RA “sub” list (one of my D’s friends school did this), will you be first called up if an opening comes about, etc.</p>

<p>Secondly, any chance you can call fin aid and talk/meet with them to re-evaluate your package? You never know, they may be able to offer some additional grant aid or something for next year because of your circumstance - any little bit could help. </p>

<p>Sometimes doing SOMETHING helps you to put it behind you. </p>

<p>I will be hoping that you get a better call sometime this summer saying that a position became open. :)</p>

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<p>A good person in my life once said to me “You won’t always feel this way”. That has been a mantra that I repeat to myself when I feel as if the sky is falling. I am old enough to know that today’s catastrophe is tomorrows faded memory. I’m not really someone who believes that things happen for a reason but I do think that good things come form adversity. Often better things than you had in mind. Just wait, soon you’ll be posting about some wonderful news that has come out of this. I just know it.</p>

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<p>kelsmom–

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<p>When I started to read this thread, this book came to my mind.</p>

<p>OP–things will work out. You seem to be a very industrious young person. You probably have a good GPA. Plus, you said you are a Summer Orientation Leader. Your “leadership” skills will be evident.</p>

<p>If you were counting on the RA position to help finance your education, perhaps the school will provide more financial aid. It doesn’t hurt to ask.</p>

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<p>Mom and dad are telling me not to worry about the money, but it’s hard not to think about it when that’s an extra $8,500 that they’ll be paying this year.</p>

<p>Thank you all again for the advice…I have read The Shack but perhaps I’ll read it again in between getting out of school and coming back for Summer-O.</p>

<p>I’m feeling much stronger tonight and am spending the evening with my best girlfriend…which can only help matters :)</p>

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<p>And don’t forget that you can talk to God ANYTIME you feel overwhelmed … in other words, don’t wait. Learning to “hand it over to God” takes practice, but it is worth it. That doesn’t mean not following through on things yourself, of course; it means laying down the worry part. When my son, who is an atheist, asks me “What if it’s all just a myth?” I tell him that the myth helped me to be happy in my life … so it will never be a waste, no matter what the final outcome. I have found so much contentment in the ability to communicate my troubles and receive comfort from the inner peace that results.</p>