<p>I feel like I have an adult relationship with S1, but, with S2, it’s another story. I don’t know if it’s because he’s younger or because he doesn’t have a gf or because he’s my excuse to keep “mothering”. I try to refrain from giving him unsolicited advice and find a more adult way to relate to him. Most of the time, I think I do pretty well (altho he might disagree). I use DH as my sounding board when I’m concerned about S2, and DH usually convinces me to let things go. </p>
<p>I certainly don’t miss the day-to-day chores of mothering. I was ecstatic when my life no longer was ruled by the academic calendar. I don’t miss keeping 2 kids’ schedules straight and chauferring to various activities.</p>
<p>We are needed for as long as they/we live on the same surface of mother Earth. This is the fact and also my perception. However, it does not mean that the kids are the only aspects of our lives and the same goes about parents from kids’ prospective. So, we continue enjoying making inputs into each others’ lives and enjoying our time away from each other. This is my major goal - to enjoy every minute of my life. Aside from factors beyond my control, I will evrything possible to keep enjoying it.<br>
There is no reason whatsoever (again aside from the factors that you cannot control) to not be happy while with kids and while away from them.</p>
<p>"What we all need is GRANDBABIES!!! "
-I luuuv to brag. Mine “graudated” at the top of her Middle school class and was accepted to a very selective HS (more than 30 applicants to one spot). She has also sang a National Anthem at her Middle school graduation ceremony. We are very proud grandparents, but both teenage “grandbabies” are living very far from us in a different state/city.</p>
<p>Thanks for starting this thread.
I, too, feel so very lost at times. </p>
<p>I find my forte is background internet sleuthing and then sending links to my kids.
Recent searches for non-profit employment for one DD (the new job was not my find); the venue and caterer for my son’s fall wedding were secured on my leads.</p>
<p>So glad to hear others share my ambivalent feelings.
And no puppy for me right now… Love em but S#1’s gf is allergic as is S#2. Dont need any further excuses for them not to visit!!</p>
<p>Early in DS’s freshman year, he once asked his mom: What are you doing everyday now? He is fully aware that, before college, the majority of her life was devoted to his upbringing.</p>
<p>She holds up relatively well after a couple of years. Now she pays more attention to the task of fixing up our old (about 30 years old) house – more correctly speaking, she hires somebody to fix up our house instead of fixing it herself. I could sense that she thinks she achieves something after she has improved our house in several areas (e.g., a new sprinkler system, a new gutter, several new appliances in the kitchen, new windows, replacing rotten wood panels/rails, new paint in and out of the house, etc.) </p>
<p>BTW, I remember reading somewhere that Einstein once joked to his ex-wife that the several apartments she managed became her new “babies” to take care of. His ex-wife (i.e. his first wife, and also his classmate in college) bought several real-estate properties and managed them because of her concern about inflation during the war time. But her youngest son, who developed a mental problem after teen years, gave her a lot of grieves and worries for life also. What a tragedy here!</p>
<p>She also thinks that when the son gets married, she would most likely “lose” his son to his wife’s family, and we had better be mentally prepared for this in advance. She said she will try her best to be very nice to his future spouse in order to have more access to the grandchildren (if any.) But it will still take many years before we get to this stage.</p>
<p>Totally understand, and my hat is off to you, mainelonghorn, and any parent of any child with chronic medical, mental health or other special needs. I am not complaining- just lamenting. </p>
<p>mcat- ironically we are in the middle of yet another remodel (you’d think I’d have learned after the last one… but the memory fades with age…) I need to get back into playing bridge or some other less expensive hobby!!</p>
<p>I am a 24 year old female, and I think in some ways I lean on my parents now more than I did as a child and teen. They came with us to some of our house showings to show us what to look for (“look, that roof will need replacing within 5 years!”), my dad has helped us with a lot of projects in the new house, my dad helped me pick out my first “real” car, and we call mom a couple times a week with cooking questions. Dad has come over to help my fiance move furniture and things, too. My parents are our go-to people. I think by the time we have this homeownership thing down, we’ll be new parents and we’ll have all sorts of new things to need help with. We’ll always need them.</p>
<p>I admit my fiance does not seem to need his parents for much, but my parents are local and his are not so it’s worked out that way-- and he is more likely to try something himself and make a mistake than he is to ask for advice first, unlike me. I make a lot of extra effort to spend time with his family to compensate.</p>
<p>I think the early young adult years might be a lot like the late high school years, the way that kids will go out of their way to exert their independence even when it’s not really necessary to do so… just to prove to themselves they can. I would bet relations with the kids that are a bit distant now will warm up in a few years, especially when they become parents themselves.</p>
<p>Emaheevu07, Thanks for sharing the perspective of a young adult daughter. In our case, we do feel that DS does not need us as much these days. (We sometimes have a hard time to get hold him unless it is very late in the evening.) Maybe it is because DS is not really fully independent yet (i.e., still being in school shields him from a lot of responsibilities of an adult. He still lives in a dorm even though he is about your age, and does not need to file a tax return yet.)</p>
<p>jym, It is true that remodeling/fixing the house is a very “costly hobby”, especially when there is no one in the family who has the handyman’s skill, like in my family.</p>
<p>I have absolutely no desire to have grandchildren. I have never heard anyone else say that. I’m sure I would adore them, but I just don’t have that yearning at all. I wonder why not? Daughter and son in law are not planning to have kids and I hope it’s awhile before WildChild does!</p>
I think DS likely calls his mom one time every other month with cooking questions. We are envious of your parents.</p>
<p>Granted, the environment in the dorm makes it inconvenient to cook (a small shared kitchen on another floor.) Most students living in the dorm just eat cafeteria food.</p>
<p>My spouse often prompts me to think about how often I considered calling my folks in my 20’s. Not very often. To be honest they were usually the last people I was thinking about because I knew they would always be there (little did I know how wrong I was). I was busy with work, new friends, new location and a new spouse. It never occurred to me to call and ask for advice. I think I may have been too busy still proclaiming my “independence” as Emaheevu suggested.</p>
<p>I did see them every holiday and they came to visit often. I also visited often in the early years as I was very homesick ( I commuted to college so I didn’t really leave home til I was 22.)</p>
<p>Happy Birthday Jym! Thank you for posting this - this comes and goes in my world. I have been loving the quiet and the free time and have found other things to do but sometimes the quiet gets a bit too quiet. Like when they were babies and it was luscious and they were so wonderful but sometimes it was overwhelming. Same thing but in the other direction. Yin and yang I guess. So it goes.</p>
<p>I am feeling so melancholy these days. My oldest two (25 year old daughter, 23 year old son) are launched and doing great. My youngest just graduated high school and will be leaving for college in less than two months. I’m so happy that they’re all doing well and I couldn’t be prouder of them. We have a nice relationship with them, speak to and see them often since they’re local. But, I miss the daily parenting and dread the empty nest that I’m about to inhabit. As great as it is to see them and speak to them, many times I feel like we might be an obligation to them. I need to get busy with some new interests of my own.</p>
<p>Cooking questions are definitely not my strong point, do not like this activity at all. But frequently give medical advice (solicited) to my Med. Student. And once was solicited to be with her and make her healthy. Good thing that she has a queen bed in her tiny studio. She said she did not know how she would recover without me being there…I bet that she would, but I might have had a heart attack if I were not with her including all her visits to Emergency. I actually came straight to the emergency room first. The fact that my adult D. wanted me with her while she was sick will always be remembered as one of the sweetest things.</p>