<p>jym, happy belated birthday! I am so glad you started this thread. I’ve decided I don’t really like being an empty nester. After all the children were out of the house, H’s career dictated a move to a new city, and it is different establishing a new life and new friends without children to help break the ice and to help fill the days while rebuilding the rest of your life.</p>
<p>S1 is 28 now, and Dil just gave me my first grandchild…unfortunately, I live in Cincinnati now, and they live in Boston. We don’t have as much contact as I would like, but like Ema says, I think they are trying to establish their independence. We do tend to get called in for the big things–for example, we helped them househunt for the house they bought in January. We skyped this afternoon and it was so much fun…but it’s not the same as getting to snuggle the little one.</p>
<p>S2 is 24 now, just finished with grad school and starting his dream job tomorrow. He has a wonderful life in DC, a serious girlfriend, and we are good friends already even though sometimes he still needs “mom” to be “mom.” A couple of weeks ago I helped him find his new apartment, and I will go in to help him move (and, I am sure, end up buying some new pieces of furniture).</p>
<p>S3 just graduated, and is looking for a job. He is my baby, and we are close, but I sense that right now he needs a bit more space and we are giving it to him. He doesn’t want advice right now but we figure once the consequences start to bite–then we will be hearing from him!</p>
<p>We WILL adapt to the new normal.</p>
<p>We are thinking that when H retires in a few years, we will move somewhere on the east coast to be closer to the children, as there is not much to hold us here in Cincinnati. But we can’t decide if we want to really downsize to a 2-bedroom condo, or have lots of space for all the grandkids to come visit…</p>
<p>sax, we lost our beloved little dog in February. My husband was ready to get a new one almost immediately. He is so lost without our little guy. I, on the other hand, was not ready to make that decision. Now I am starting to think “maybe,” but am not totally sure. Tell me why you wish you hadn’t added a dog to your family.</p>
<p>Thanks, boysx3. Very poignant post. And happy upcoming milestone when it hits, fogfog.</p>
<p>Today was another day of mixed feelings. Had another birthday lunch with a friend (baad plan to have my annual physical scheduled this coming Friday, after 2 solid weeks of an ongoing foodfest… but I digress…)</p>
<p>Another friend send me a very sweet photo album of pictures she took at the party, and my DH and I walked up to the drugstore to print a few more from digitals we had, to fill out the empty pages/sleeves she left. In the meantime S#1 and his GF are moving into their new apt today. They live on the opposite coast, and now live even FARTHER away (well, by maybe 25 miles, but its farther-- and completely on the other side of the country). I am happy for them, but they didnt need our help. Again-- mixed feelings of pride for them and feeling less needed. S#2 is sniffing around at/interviewing with some job opportunities to be closer to where his GF is interviewing for jobs. Again, happy for them, but they creep ever farther away.</p>
<p>I can imagine how hard it must have been to settle into a new city and meet people without the glue of kids/activities. How did you do it?</p>
<p>We have been pretty much empty nesters since 1/2009. D is 23 and still needs some mothering. S is pretty independent and is thrilled to be on his own and living in VA. He’s very self-sufficient, so has rarely ever asked us for advice. Am so glad he was able to get a great full time job he enjoys! It allows him to see D in LA often, which we also think is great. </p>
<p>I can’t wait to see what will happen next in each of their lives and am thrilled at their path so far. </p>
<p>Have no interest in taking on any pets and think I will more likely be helping more with my folks. ;-). If and when grablndkids come, they will be most welcome, but am enjoying life right now a lot.</p>
<p>LOL! I got a puppy, too. She is wonderful. I act as referee between her and the cat, they get me up at the crack of dawn, they chase each other through the house causing havoc, they want to go in/out/in/out/in/out all day long, the puppy’s hungry all the time, she naps at a moment’s notice. It’s just like having little children again. :)</p>
<p>I miss DS and DD all the time. With that being said, I’m happy they turned out to be independent, successful people. And, what a thrill when they occasionally call for advice. It’s nice to be needed once in a while.</p>
<p>No puppies here just geriatric dogs. Felt like I have been running an animal hospice for the last year or two. We started with 8 pets and are down to the two. Son “needed” me this weekend, his buds from undergrad showed up for the weekend, and he is starting his clinical year (first rotation) last week and prep was needed for the festivities, and airport pick up/drop off, food prep and shopping and all his “stuff” for rotations. We split up what we could, and a great time was had by all. Six out of town guests a new med school year = fun, fun, fun.</p>
<p>All his buddies loved his place, tons of room and amenities for little $$ and the fact that they all could sleep comfortably amazed all of them. They all went swimming in the new pool, rode around Chapel Hill on the bus (great eats and drinks) and are amazed at all his free parking (they are all from NYC). He will be travelling to Boston later in the month so I will run over to his place to check on it and during his away rotations.</p>
<p>I do appreciate when they are physically located closer vs. the other side of the country. One is there now, don’t know for how long. Don’t like that AT ALL.</p>
<p>One of the hardest things is the grocery shopping and cooking for one or two when I am so used to a houseful of hungry kiddos. Its just foreign to me and has taken alot of thought and blubbering in the middle of the grocery store. The produce guy and butcher know how to cheer me up!</p>
<p>There is a mama bird and baby bird on my porch in the nest she built last month. She tolerates me and I watch for her during the heavy rains/storms we have had. The little one is getting big. I want to tell her to keep those Carter’s jammies on her baby for just a little longer.</p>
<p>S1 is just one state away from us but he’s the Navy so he’s apt to be anywhere. He deployed last Nov. for 6 months. He got back a month ago and I STILL haven’t seen him. He sent me a photo of himself fr. Africa last week. He calls with some regularity(out of obligation I’m sure) but we see so little of each other that sometimes we seem to just run out of things to talk about since we aren’t a big part of his life anymore…sad. </p>
<p>S2 graduated fr. college last year. He lives w/ us. It’s different now though. He has a fulltime job (lots of travel) and is just in and out…doing his own thing. It’s almost like we have a new boarder instead of our S living with us. It works. It’s just different.</p>
<p>Both S’s started “pulling away” in h.s. so DH and I were fairly used to it being just the two of us by the time they went off to college. My brother has two D’s about the same age as my S’s. They are in each other’s business all the time. The oldest is 28 and married but is still very close w/ her parents and sister. Sometimes I’m a little jealous.</p>
<p>Our old dog died a couple of years ago. We’ve always had a dog but made the decision not to get another one. DH is planning to retire next year. We want to be free to go and come as we please w/ out the responsibility of a pet.</p>
<p>Two of my friends have just become grandparents. In one case, their only daughter has a daughter who turned 3 in January and delivered twin boys in November. In the other, their daughter with boy and girl twins just delivered an infant son. That will certainly keep you busy.</p>
<p>In our case even though neither d lives with us… there is still a good deal of involvement, primarily as a sounding board… how would we handle this situation or that, should they do this or that, lots of back and forth about logistics-travel planning, arranging to use one of our cars, that sort of thing. They are getting closer to being self-sufficient financially but not entirely.</p>
<p>Just drove with my D up to the Bay Area (Silicon valley) and left her to start her new life. She has a job, a boyfriend and “in-laws” there, and I know she’ll do fine without us 9we are in Los Angeles). I am still working full-time, so I don’t have time on my hands. I don’t really feel an empty nest. My husband, on the other hand, went crazy and is raising wild turkeys and baby ducks from eggs that he buys on eBay and hatches himself. It is truly the most literal acting-out of trying to fill the empty nest that I can imagine. And it’s not cute because he insists on letting them roam free around our property (a surburban house). Arghhhh!</p>
<p>I got a fish tank. Not the same as cuddling your child or a puppy, but at least it’s pretty to look at and tranquilizing. </p>
<p>Trying to brace myself for DS1’s grad school commencement next spring when it’s entirely likely that he’ll wind up on the opposite coast where he’s interning this summer. Since college, he’s only been a 2-hour drive away and he did the lion’s share of the driving. DS2 is just an hour away but even still we see him only once every 8 weeks on average. </p>
<p>WARNING whining self indulgent post! Be assured H and I are so proud of us. We raised 2 self sufficient, smart, graduated in 8 semester kids, who we don’t support in any way now. It’s a wonderful feeling and most of the time we are pretty pleased with ourselves and our kids. </p>
<p>Yesterday was July 4 and again we spent another holiday without them. I know one and I suspect both spent the holiday with their SO’s family. My MIL whined and complained and so we drove a 100 miles to spend the holiday with my IL’s and my BIL’s family. BIL’s college kids were all there, of course they refuse to get jobs and one is a budding vegan anarchist. But they were one big happy family, together. (They were really happy to be there). </p>
<p>I feel resentful that my MIL expects us to drive 100 miles to come visit her for all the holidays. We see them about every 5 weeks! We didn’t go on Father’s Day, my H was on call and I lost my dad last year and none of my kids could come. Really, can’t we stay home. </p>
<p>After my H called his mom back and told her we were coming even though he only had yesterday off because he felt guilty, I asked him if he could call the kids and ask them where their guilt was! </p>
<p>In 3 weeks is our annual family vacation with H’s family. The other kids will be there, complaining how horrible it is to be at your million dollar vacation home. My kids for various reasons, mostly because they have jobs wont be there. We will have fun as it is fun and who doesn’t like the most beautiful place in the US. But it is still hard.</p>
<p>Well, this got bumped up at just the right time.</p>
<p>Ds2 will be off to college in six weeks so I’ll be empty nesting then. This summer, he’s got his first full-time job and is doing a little house-sitting, which means seeing even less of him. He has a great group of friends and a gf, and I know he wants to spend every moment possible with them before they head their various ways (and they are – the group he was with last night are going to college in Oregon, DC, Tennessee, Chicago and North Carolina, with his gf staying in-state). I think I’m being really nice and allowing lots of time to be with them, but I’m getting a little tired of him telling me what he’s doing, not asking, with seeming no regard for his dad and I, who are trying to make dinner plans, etc.</p>
<p>I don’t feel like I can complain too much, because both guys really are great. Two weeks ago, my parents sprung a family reunion on us two hours away, and both kids agreed to go at the last minute. Just yesterday, my mom sprung another family reunion on us that is tomorrow. I told her she waited too long, and I wasn’t going to ask the guys to jump through hoops again to make this happen. See? I’m nice and thinking of them!</p>
<p>Part of my melancholy is the thought of going back to work. I want to go back to work, but the industry I left has changed/downsized so radically that it’s not something I want to go back to. So now, I’m left wondering what to do when I grow up. I could be underemployed and just take any job, but I’m not sure that’s what I want to do or whether that’s even wise having been out of the workforce for almost 11 years.</p>
<p>It’s challenging to reinvent ourselves. What helped ease me in was taking part time jobs that I found interesting. They allowed me to retain my flexibility while allowing me to network, sharpen skills and contribute to household finances. It was a great compromise and have never returned to full time work–love part time way too much. Sometimes even interesting volunteer gigs turn into paid positions, so be selective if your household can afford it.</p>
<p>DS1 has completed 2 years of college away from home and is in another state for summer research. DS2 is a rising HS senior and spends little time with us. We keep busy with full time jobs and have a 3 year old dog that we brought into our home as a puppy in anticipation of the empty nest. She can be an aggravation but she is mostly a joy and comfort to us.</p>