D18 is leaving for college in a week and a half. The SAME time D14.5 leaves for 5 weeks summer camp. This will be the first summer in 18 years that my girls will both be gone at the same time. Aside from the fact that D18 is leaving for college and that in and of itself is going to be hard for me, the fact that they will both be gone is really going to be hard for me. D18 will be back in 6 weeks for 2wks, then goes back for Fall term. I am also visiting D14 in camp (with a side trip on the way home to visit the one in college) but I have all these feelings that I don’t know what to do with. I feel sad that my first born is leaving, but of course we are thrilled at the same time that she’s going to college! I know tears will be flowing when DH and I drop her off. I just don’t know how to process it all I guess. Obviously I’m not the first parent to go through this. Have spoken to a couple of friends who’ve already done this and they all tell me it will be okay. I’m sure it will, but what do I do in the meantime? Luckily I work so at least that will keep me busy during the day. I keep saying I have to take up a hobby, but IDK what event to do…lol. Sorry if I’m rambling. This is just really, really hard. A lot harder than I thought.
I feel your pain. My daughters are both college graduates and live 1,000 miles away, and there are still days when I can’t believe how different my life is now than it was when they were at home. Keeping busy with work helps but I think it’s okay to dwell with your feelings, too.
Just let yourself feel the sadness, it’s completely normal and natural. Look at old baby photos and cry and cry. It’s probably best to do this away from the girls and with your H. You can comfort each other and reminisce.
Try to get excited about doing some touristy things in the places you’re taking them too. When D18 comes back, you can tell her about the cool waterfall you hiked to or whatever. You’ll be visiting her at school so you might as well enjoy that!
And remember, D14 IS coming back!
When D18 goes away again, you can channel your energy into sending her some really great care packages. You will both love it.
It is sad if you loved raising your kids. I did and have not gotten used to the fact that they don’t live with me any more. It is supposed to get easier, so they say. I know parents who are so glad to finally have their house to themselves again. That is a sentiment I can’t relate to-thankfully (I think).
It’s not easy! My D is my only child, and I’m single. She left for freshman year last year, and it was a big adjustment. The key is staying busy, and since it’s summer it’s easier to do than when it’s dark and cold. See if your area has free outdoor concerts and movies, go to a pool, join a Meetup group, reconnect with friends you haven’t had as much time for.
There have been a couple CC empty nest threads that have been helpful for me:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/681300-so-what-do-you-do-with-an-empty-nest-p1.html
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1795575-im-a-mess-can-we-talk-about-the-empty-nest-syndrome-p1.html
And enjoy the years you have with your younger D.
@lostaccount Yes, I completely loved raising my girls. I’ve been a mother for 18 years, so I feel like I don’t know anything else anymore.
@greenwitch yeah, I’m sure there will be lots of crying. Thought for sure we’d cry at graduation but I guess we are still in denial… and I am glad we do have the option to visit as she will only be 6ish hours away. I will probably visit way more than my husband would like, haha. Oh well, think I have earned that. But, if my daughter ever said no, then of course I would respect that.
“but what do I do in the meantime?”
Do what we do and spend too much time on CC! 
The good news is that it is summer so many more options to get outside and active as opposed to dealing with empty nest in the wintertime. Gardening, hiking, outdoor picnics and concerts?
I didn’t cry the day we dropped off yds until I saw another mom crying. Hugs. Just try to redirect your thoughts to how excited and happy you are for her and how much fun she is going to have…
Maybe you and your husband can make some special plans together that wouldn’t be possible when you’re in full time mom mode?
In the meantime, stock up on Kleenex and let the tears flow as they will.
Wizardly - there is a very good thread here in the cafe called what do you do with an empty nest. There are some good suggestions there.
I will say the leading up to it was worse than the reality. My oldest is gone this summer, probably never to live here full time again. My other is home all this summer because she’s having surgery, and probably won’t be here next summer. So this is probably the last big chunk of time I have with her.
Honestly, I was sadder and more upset when the kids started preschool and were no longer with me 24/7, as that was the beginning of them having a world that I was not a part of.
Of course, it’s hard when kids start striking off on their own. Several couples I know went on cruises or other romantic travel, to rediscover themselves as a pair rather than a larger family. That went well from all I’ve heard.
I try not to make it tougher on our “kids,” so I don’t weep in front of them, tho do think of them often and we do touch base periodically. They are 2500 and 5000 miles away, but we do meet up periodically, like when I’m in CA or somewhere and they can join us and they come to HI.
I always had a project for the summers when kids were away for 6 weeks at music programs. Painting the family room, purchasing new bedroom furniture and redecorating one of the kids rooms (male child, of course - female wouldn’t have trusted me to do that without input, I’m sure), landscaping. These things were easier to get done when everyone was gone and the self-imposed deadlines made the time move faster.
I’m very lucky that mine have been good communicators and shared their camp and college experiences with me. (I’m sure I haven’t heard it all, but that’s OK!) That made it easier for me to focus on their growth rather than how quiet the house was and how my life was changing and how much I missed everyone.
wizardly66, I work full time and yet felt the same so I am not sure it is a matter of what you know.
I was not OK. I hope that you will be OK, but do not count on it. The only thing is that you are not empty nester, the younger is coming back and very soon. But when time comes and she is gone to college, I would start looking for the hobbies to fill time after work. I can only tell from my own experience after my very busy D. left, I was sliding down. Then I tried few things and one of them stick, then another and it lifted me up. I also work full time but it was not enough for me because I used to be extremely busy with my extremely busy D. I am fine now, and it has been 9 very rewarding years in both aspects, follow the D’s successes and developing my own newly discovered skills.
When my kids left for college, I was excited and thrilled for them. I honestly never missed the “stuff” (end,ess carpooling, sports things, concerts, etc) but I did miss them.
But really, the first time they left, it wasn’t all that hard. They were so ready, and excited…a S I was for them.
BUT…be prepared…each time my kids left again…it was harder for some reason.
Neither of our kids lives close by now…one over 2000 miles away, and the other about 1200 miles away.
" BUT…be prepared…each time my kids left again…it was harder for some reason "
This is very true for me. My oldest came home to live after about a year and a half after she graduated college. She was home for close to two years after that and she decided to move to Boston. I was really happy for selfish reasons to have her home, but also happy for HER when she moved…when she was home for Christmas that year, I cried unexpectedly when she left.
Sometimes it hits you when you least expect it
It is a huge adjustment but you will adjust. Along with one of the above posters, the first year my older d went to full day camp and kindergarten, I missed her so much but I quickly adjusted. It was much easier with younger d. More stressful was knowing that they were homesick in summer programs and first few days of college and sharing their sadness/heartbreak but working them through it. Fast forward to the endless calls from college when they are walking between class and want you to stay on the phone to pass the time and to the 11 PM calls that they are sending you a paper to proofread, even from grad school…neither came home to live after college although we all live and work in NYC so we see each other frequently and speak to each other every day, we are too close according to DH… but we all have our own lives.
If you are sad, do your best to hide it from the kids so they don’t’ feel guilty for leaving. Try to wait until you are in the car with your H before you break down. As you know, this is all part of having kids grow up and it is a good thing. One thing I did when my kids were leaving the nest was try to remember back to when I was their age – how I craved some independence, and how much I learned and grew from being away from home. The other thing is to keep busy…find projects, new friends, hobbies etc.