Because everyone has different lines for what they’ll accept, that’s why.
Yes, everyone has different standards. How do you know if the lines were crossed or not? Long time friendships are rare, and deserve at least the respect of a discussion.
bevhills, my husband and I also had the we will pick you up , no punishment policy. We never had to use it, thankfully…until our youngest called the other night for a ride home. She was not drinking but her friends were and she didn’t want to be around them. My husband and I were just about asleep , but nevertheless, he drove out to get her.
I suspect the girls will get caught whenever the dad discovers his rum bottle is either gone or opened.
We also had that rule. I never had to pick them up but they did call on brothers to do so. I was okay with that and covered under the rule. Both for if they had something to drink (whether legal or not) and if their ride did.
I never had to pick up D1, but I got the call from D2.
Everyone has boundaries when it comes to friendship, whether it is the evangelical Christian who will only make friends with people in their own church, to those who will break it off over other issues (sadly, know of one case where best friends split up because one of them didn’t approve at the other’s acceptance of a child who was gay).
When it comes to this situation, I don’t know how I would handle it, especially if my child could be involved, if the person was holding parties where my kid was there, and felt weird because the person allowed kids to drink and he didn’t (for the record, once my son hit his latter teen years, he could have some wine with dinner if he wanted,but given that my wife and I don’t drink much either, wasn’t all that often:).
I would probably talk to my friend, and try to make him/her see reason, how what she is doing is a disaster waiting to happen. To be frankly honest, if she was serving alcohol and the parents knew about it and were okay with it, had given permission, I would feel differently about it, and she otherwise was acting in loco parentis with the kids, supervising them, I would have much less of an issue than the description. If they fought me on it, if they otherwise told me I was being a prude and such, it would make me re-evaluate my friendship with them if this was the kind of friend that I depended on their judgement, trusted them with things and so forth. Like I said, it isn’t about the drinking per se or even the law, it is that she was serving alcohol without taking their parents wishes into effect, I don’t judge about the alcohol or the law specifically, but rather that serving alcohol to underage kids without their parent knowing to me shows not only lack of judgement, but also contempt for the parents wishes. There are times when someone may act against parent’s wishes, like if they knew a kid was gay and the parents were horribly homophobic and didn’t tell them and tried to be supportive of the kid, but that should come when they strongly feel the kids best wishes require their judgement, but this isn’t one of those, what i see here is being contemptuous over parent’s rights without any kind of mitigation in the form of the kids well being.
I’d inform the HS counselor…
@bluebayou, I’ve wondered about advising the HS counselor. Does anyone have experience with that? I have never heard of any local parents warning the counselor about an upcoming party, but I wonder if our counselor (huge Texas 6A public HS) would do anything. What can they do when it hasn’t happened yet, it’s word of mouth, and it’s off campus? I think our counselor would do nothing, but I don’t know for sure. I think it might be different at a private school. Anyone?
At my kid’s private school the result would be that you’d get a whole lot of foolish kids suspended. It would not be a good scene.
I’d speak to the parents directly and express your displeasure. They probably have no idea that other parents know what they did. A little peer pressure could work wonders.
I very very VERY highly doubt it. First off, this just isn’t a school issue. Second, is this even illegal in every state? Is it illegal in the state where it happened?
I think the peer pressure idea is a good one.
I used to be on several districtwide committees and used to speak with our (public) HS principal frequently. I once shared with him an experience my D had had the previous year; the situation involved school kids, but it was all far removed from the school. Thus, I never even thought about contacting the school at that time. He counseled me that that was the wrong response.
Counselors do deal with problems outside of school all the time he said, and more importantly that in some cases they can do investigations that the local police cannot (without a warrant). Thus, his recommendation was that, when it comes to student safety – even if outside of class – it can never hurt to alert the local HS counselor. At worst they will take some notes and do nothing.
@Vladenschlutte, yep all states. If something is illegal for the minor, then it’s illegal for an adult to assist the minor in doing it. Alcohol. Drugs. Bank robbing. In Texas, $4000 fine, year in jail, loss of driver’s license. Serving alcohol to a minor is a big deal under the law and, unlike a traffic violation, is one of those crimes you have to forever list on your job applications.
@Barfly I assume you are talking about people other than parents, because it is legal in many states for parents to serve alcohol to their underage children.
I agree that talking to the parents seems like a good idea, but the parents who serve minors have already shown a lack of judgement in my opinion. I have zero confidence that they would not pass on to their children that you had talked to them about the issue. I don’t care what those parents or their kids think about me, but I do care that my kid not have a bounty on his head. I usually prefer to talk directly to people, but I’ve learned the hard way that my child will be punished for my actions. So I like the idea of talking to the counselor. I just didn’t think she would do anything but as @bluebayou points out, she might!
Yes, @TV4caster. In many states such as Texas it is not illegal for a minor to drink in his own home and/or with a parent or legal guardian. But I specifically referred to activities that are illegal - if it is illegal for the minor, it’s illegal for an adult to assist the minor in doing it.
If you talk to the counselor, it is just as likely people will know which parent called in.
I really don’t understand why parents can’t just teach their kids not to be in such situation. Again, those students are not minors, most seniors in high school are over 18.
I just looked it up, in Texas people under age 21 can legally consume alcohol with parental consent and it is not limited to private resident. In Louisiana, drinking age is basically 21 - without parental consent.
http://www2.potsdam.edu/alcohol/YouthIssues/Most-States-in-US-Permit-Drinking-Under-the-Age-of-21.html#.VOXOKvnF9KU
The age of 21 is only the purchase age in every state. Not the drinking age. I think in almost any state it’s either 18 or younger. As I said earlier, I once saw someone who appeared to be about 10 drinking at a bar/restaurant (with who presumably were his parents). Pretty sure the bar wouldn’t have allowed that if it was illegal.